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AZTiger98

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Reply with quote  #61 
Dear Stormy,

Two weeks ago today, I lost you, one of the best friends I’ve ever had. That was such a dark day for me, and honestly, things haven’t been the same since. I look at Skye, and I see you. I walk into the bedroom, and I’m sure I see you on the bed or in the armchair. I thought I heard you meowing the other day. You fill my thoughts regularly.

Your mama says Skye has been good for me, and I have to agree with her. She’s attached herself to me already and loves watching sports or movies with me like you used to do.

I carry the dog tag with me everywhere. I don’t have it hanging around my neck yet, but that will come soon enough. I take it out often to look at and think of the good times we shared.

I hope you are meeting many new friends at Rainbow Bridge and enjoying playing with them. I look forward to the day when I see you again forever.

I love you, Stormy - more than I know how to describe. Always and forever, baby girl.

Love,
Daddy

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David

Daddy to beloved fur baby Stormy
08/2003 - 05/19/18
Stormy’s Residency https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/STORM059/Resident.htm
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catiebee

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Reply with quote  #62 
David, my heart hurts for and with yours over your beloved Stormy. It is one very tough thing, to walk through the grief, to endure it, to feel it profoundly day after day.

It's heartwarming to know you're bonding more and more with little Skye. It is great that that's become possible and that she is helping some to fill your heart and provide new companionship.

I'm so sorry how much all the reminders of Stormy hurt, including Skye's appearance. Yet, I'll bet Skye's a playful, little love muffin.

I hope some of the sharpest edges of your grief will be blunted as time passes and that more and more peace and comfort are on your horizon. You're in my thoughts. 

Thank you so much also for the very kind post you recently wrote on my own thread. It was and is much appreciated.

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Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
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AZTiger98

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Reply with quote  #63 
Thank you, Catie (and anyone else I may have neglected to thank for a prior message).  I'm making it day by day - some days, I don't know how, but I mange to get through.  Skye is definitely playful and a little love muffin.  She's finally graduated from the small bathroom to getting to stay in our bedroom when we leave the house, so she gets to play with her older brother (older sister is anti-social to anyone but me and my wife).  She's also gotten to where she'll (usually) come when I call her, and she loves to get cuddle and scratched behind the ears, on the head, and under the chin.  If I think about it, I'll put a picture on here later, you can see how much she resembles Stormy.

The bed still feels empty - I can't really get comfortable at night, because I'm so used to having Stormy nestled right behind my knees, and now that void of her passing is evident.

Blessings and well wishes to all for today, and may we all find the peace we need to handle our days today.

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David

Daddy to beloved fur baby Stormy
08/2003 - 05/19/18
Stormy’s Residency https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/STORM059/Resident.htm
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AZTiger98

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Reply with quote  #64 
Dear Stormy,

I'm sorry I haven't been writing every day, sweetheart.  I promise, I'm not losing memory of you or anything like that, it's just that with everything else going on in the house, I can hardly find a moment to sit and collect my thoughts.  You know how hectic everything is - it's why you stayed in the bedroom so much, because you didn't like all the racket the kids made.

I hope you're having a good day at the Bridge today.  I still miss you terribly - mostly in the mornings when I wake up and at night when I go to bed.  The absence of your happy meows in the morning and your pressing up against my legs at night is deafening.  I remember how good it felt to just be able to start or end my day giving you head scratches and letting you love on me, like you were trying to say, "It's ok, Daddy.  No matter what anyone else might say or think, I love you and think you're wonderful."

I can't tell if the pain and grief are lessening, or if they're just getting overshadowed by all the everyday routine...because writing you right now, that well of sadness is starting to spring up again, as fresh as it was 2.5 weeks ago.  How I wish I could hold you again...but as so many others have said of their pets, even one more time wouldn't be enough, Stormy. 

I'm still haunted by the look of fear and panic in your eyes on that last ride.  I'm so sorry, baby girl.  I'm so sorry.  The tears are coming fresh now, remembering that day and all the pain and hurt that was a part of it.  It feels like I'm never going to get over all of that.

Daddy loves you, baby girl - always and forever, until eternity passes.

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David

Daddy to beloved fur baby Stormy
08/2003 - 05/19/18
Stormy’s Residency https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/STORM059/Resident.htm
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AZTiger98

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Reply with quote  #65 
Dear Stormy,

Good morning, baby girl.  I'm a little less of an emotional wreck today - this whole seesaw of grief is killing me.  But I guess that's why it's a seesaw, is because if I was feeling it day after day for months on end, it probably WOULD kill me eventually.  But I still miss you.  Skye is fun to watch and play with and cuddle, she's just so young and energetic that a lot of times when I'd love a furry snuggle, she's off stalking her other furblings. 

I need to visit your residency again and do a little work around it.  I saw that several people have dropped by, I should probably write them and tell them thank you.  And pretty soon, I'll consider changing the season over to summer - of course, you'd probably prefer it to stay Spring year round, as I don't think you liked the heat much.

I never will understand how some people can just "move on" so quickly.  It really does seem like everyone else at home has forgotten about you already.  I guess that's just because they weren't as close to you as I was. 

I'd better get to work, because if I keep typing, I'm bound to rupture one of those grief springs somewhere inside, and I'll be a basket case the rest of the day.  It stinks that I only feel like I can really grieve you when I'm out of the house and not around the rest of the family.  I almost feel like I'm putting on a front the rest of the time.  I mean, I'm sure I'm getting better, but I don't really feel like I'm as happy as I try to show around the house.  The hurt and the heartache when I focus on thinking about you (as opposed to just having you in my mind) still feels as sharp as ever.

I do want to get better and heal, but I hope that in doing that I don't have to feel like I'm letting you go - mainly because I'm scared if I do that, I'll forget you.  And I can't bear to think that I'd ever forget you, my special girl.  Please don't forget me at the Bridge, even if it takes a while for me to come find you again.  I'll be there as soon as I can.

Loving you more than I know how to put into words,
Daddy



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David

Daddy to beloved fur baby Stormy
08/2003 - 05/19/18
Stormy’s Residency https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/STORM059/Resident.htm
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catiebee

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Reply with quote  #66 
David.... Such letters to Stormy from the depths of your heart. They're very precious and speak volumes. Your love for her beats strong in every word.

I'm so sorry for how loud the silence is and how stark and raw the lack of Stormy's presence is, especially during your morning and evening hours. I wish you could share those special times all over again, in the world that belonged just to you and Stormy. She sounds like such an affectionate girl. Your girl, your very special girl. 

I hope your work day will flow gently today. And I wish you every comfort when the arrows of grief pierce your soul. It's a long journey.

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Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
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Purzel

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Reply with quote  #67 
David,
You really made me laugh (Yoda and Spree) in Catie's thread .... something that is definitely needed these days in all our grief.

My heart goes out to you as we are all on the same road of healing - I know we will get there, it just takes time.

Thank you

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Silvia (with Max forever in my heart)

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catiebee

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Reply with quote  #68 
Just a quick note to wish you better and easier days, David. 

You'll never forget your Stormy, will never forget the love you shared and the affection that filled your heart. There's no chance.

Hang in there. Bit by bit, it will get better.

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Catie
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AZTiger98

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Reply with quote  #69 
Dear Stormy,

Today is 3 weeks. 3 weeks since I had to make the final trip to the vet clinic with you.

Yesterday, I was told that whether I wanted to admit it or not, I was happier with Skye than I was with you. But that's not true in the slightest. I do love Skye. And all the other pets. But I miss having you here. You just seemed to have a special knack for knowing when I really needed you, and you had that since day 1. I miss that connection so much.

I'll try to write more later tonight...I love you, Stormy. Farther than the ends of the known universe.

Love,
Daddy

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David

Daddy to beloved fur baby Stormy
08/2003 - 05/19/18
Stormy’s Residency https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/STORM059/Resident.htm
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AZTiger98

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Reply with quote  #70 
Dear Stormy,

It's Monday, June 11.  I know I didn't come visit yesterday.  I'm exhausted - mentally, emotionally, and physically, with everything else that's going on, with no time to get out of the house to do things for myself, and I honestly feel sometimes like I'm just going to fall apart.  But I'm always thinking of you, baby girl.  Every time Skye starts batting cat toys around or wrestling with Pumpkin, it makes me think of you.  Every time I'm on the couch during the kids' afternoon naptime on the weekends, I think of you as well...it feels different without you coming to find me, meowing, and then climbing up in my lap to snuggle until the kids wake up.  I carry your memorial tag with me everywhere and often reach my hand into my pocket to hold it - somehow, that seems to bring me a small amount of comfort.

I know I haven't looked at urns, and your ashes are still in the container they were returned to me in.  I'll get that done eventually.  I wonder if I'm subconsciously avoiding doing it because that will just be one more hard-hitting reminder that you're gone.

I have to go now, baby girl - work calls.  Maybe someday I'll be feeling well enough that I can mention happy memories of you, but it's still too soon to try that right now.  Every time I think I'm making progress, it's like another wave just comes crashing in and knocks me over.  My eyes are filling up with tears again.  Just know that I love and miss you, always, every day, every hour. 

Love,
Daddy

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David

Daddy to beloved fur baby Stormy
08/2003 - 05/19/18
Stormy’s Residency https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/STORM059/Resident.htm
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AZTiger98

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Reply with quote  #71 
Sylvia and Catie,

Thank you both for the encouragement.  Sylvia, I'm glad I made you laugh with the Yoda comment.  I agree, sometimes we have to try and bring a little humor into our lives or the grief is going to eat us.

I hope each of you is having a better day today and finding little ways to make it through all of the grief and emptiness our companions' leaving us has created.

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David

Daddy to beloved fur baby Stormy
08/2003 - 05/19/18
Stormy’s Residency https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/STORM059/Resident.htm
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Purzel

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Reply with quote  #72 
David,
 
You write such lovely letters to Stormy filled with love and longing. I am sorry to read that you feel so exhausted and I hope you can find some rest for a while to gain new energy. I can also imagine that it will bring back painful memories to look at urns – maybe take your time and do so when you feel ready.
 
David, I am sure that one day you will be able to mention happy memories (which you already do here and there) but they will come to you with a feeling of inner joy. Again, all this takes time.
 
I do not know what I would do without humor, it helps me alot to cope with the loss.
 
May “the force” be with you – my good thoughts go out to you.
 

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Silvia (with Max forever in my heart)

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ForMitookie_03

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Reply with quote  #73 
Hi David,

I have not written on your thread before, but reading your letters to Stormy had me in tears.  I'm really sorry it is so fresh for you still.  I was a complete wreck for a couple of months after I lost my Mitookie.  I have another kitty Moses, but Mitookie was truly my soulmate for the 15 years he was mine.  There is a void in my heart that can never be filled.  I fill my days with work and I'm the HOA board treasurer, so I keep really busy.  I actually work 2 jobs, but one I work from home.  I know it isn't healthy to bury myself in other things, but if I want to stay sane and not fall apart, I will keep pushing on. 

It's apparent your Stormy was a very special girl.  I find myself missing Mitookie mostly at night and in the morning as well.  I guess because he was always there with me in bed and cuddled up.  My favorite thing was waking up face to face, forehead to forehead with Mitookie, listening to him purr.  I would stay so still so as not to disturb him and hold off a trip to the bathroom as long as possible.  I miss him so much it physically hurts sometimes. 

Keep writing to beautiful Stormy.  I wrote many letters to Mitookie in the beginning.  I still carry his favorite fuzzy white mouse in my purse with me.  I carry one in my purse and one in my work bag.  Oh if anyone knew, they would think I've surely lost it.  Thing is, it makes me feel close to him.

I'm sure Stormy and Mitookie are enjoying the Rainbow Bridge together.  I know we will see them again one day.

I wish for healing for you my friend.  And comfort, and rest.

Kind Regards,

Marina

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AZTiger98

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Reply with quote  #74 
Silvia,

Thank you for the encouragement.  I'm sure one of these days I'll be able to think back on things without turning into a blubbering mess.  And that'll be a good day - to be able to look back with fond memories and smile (even if with at least a tinge of sadness).

Marina,

So glad you stopped by.  I have several other pets still that we acquired through the years - 2 dogs that my wife got me as anniversary and birthday presents, one dog that I got my wife, my wife's cat from before we got married, a stray we picked up from our neighbor about 3 years ago, and Skye.  But yes, just like Mitookie was your soulmate, Stormy was mine. 

I have to do something in order to be able to let the grief out in a controlled manner, because as you no doubt saw from reading through my posts, the rest of that horrible weekend, I wanted to do nothing but hide in my bedroom and sleep, and just hope that I woke up at Rainbow Bridge.  While going back to work on that Monday was difficult and I was still reeling, still angry, still sad, etc., it at least has helped me be able to focus on something other than my loss, even if only temporarily.

I miss mornings with my Stormy, too.  I'd wake up and feel her either kneading on my backside once she detected I was awake, or she'd be snuggled up so comfortably in behind my knees that I too would try to stay in bed as long as possible before disturbing her.

I definitely plan to keep writing to Stormy - I really think in a lot of ways it has helped, because whether anyone ever read my posts here or not, at least 1) I'm getting out things I need to get out, and 2) I have a safe place to grieve for as long as I need to.

Wishing everyone a better day today.

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David

Daddy to beloved fur baby Stormy
08/2003 - 05/19/18
Stormy’s Residency https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/STORM059/Resident.htm
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AZTiger98

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Reply with quote  #75 
Dear Stormy,

I had to wait for a while before writing you today.  I had another wave of grief hit me quite unexpectedly this morning, and it has taken me a couple of hours to right the ship, so to speak.  I guess in a way it's good that the grief only comes in waves now, instead of the constant barrage that it was for that first few days.  That doesn't mean that I love you any less or am any less sad that you're gone, though.  I still feel your absence at home, every minute.  I used to be able to come home and take one glance in the bedroom and know exactly where you were - if you weren't up by mine and your mama's pillows, you were in the rocking chair.  Not anymore, though. :(

It's starting to get hot again - been 104+ for the last 3-4 days, and I don't see that letting up any time soon...summer's just getting started.  You used to hate summer...I think it was because it's so hot here that even if we run the A/C and every fan in the house, it's still toasty.

Stormy, some days, I don't know how I'm going to make it without you around.  I know that sounds crappy to say, but as I've always said, when you were here, I felt like I had purpose, I had someone who was depending on me and never expected me to be perfect, I had someone who never complained or blamed me for anything....I'd better stop there before I say anything else that might get a little too personal and antagonistic, but Stormy, you know all the other things I miss.  I know, I've said all this before...I'm starting to sound like a broken record.

I'm sitting here staring at the picture of you with the PetsMart Santa from that first Christmas with you...the picture where you're glaring at me standing behind the people with the cameras who were trying to get you to look up, and you're giving me the death stare...it made me chuckle in the past, it hurts to see it now, though, because it's another of those reminders.  But I can't put it away, because it's one of the few pictures that I have of you.

Oh, how I regret that I didn't find you earlier in your life, Stormy...when you were a young kitten and just starting out.  Not because there was anything wrong with you already being a 4 year old adult...but because it would've (hopefully) meant more time with you, more memories to make.  All that's left now is the regret that I didn't do more to TRY and make more memories of you...but then, you didn't seem to mind too much, you were just happy to be near me. 

The tears are starting to flow, and my lunch break is over, so I suppose I should go for now.  Looks like tonight's going to be another stuffed animal night (I'm glad the people here can understand this kind of stuff, because I can almost guarantee that if I told anyone outside of here that I have stuffed animals I cuddle when I'm down, at my age, they'd think I had completely lost it).  Come visit me in my dreams if you can, sweetie.  I love you - farther than the ends of the known universe and back to me again.

Love,
Daddy

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David

Daddy to beloved fur baby Stormy
08/2003 - 05/19/18
Stormy’s Residency https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/STORM059/Resident.htm
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