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AZTiger98

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Reply with quote  #46 
Dear Stormy,

It’s one week today since you crossed the bridge. I still miss you like it happened just this morning. Sometimes I wonder if the pain is ever going to end.

I’m sorry I’m writing so late tonight. I got up this morning and went to the vet clinic to pick up your ashes. Then the kids and I went up to Phoenix and picked up a new baby kitten named Skye. She’s really cute. Looks a lot like I imagine you did at her age. But I didn’t get her because of that. I got her because she was pawing at the cage door like you did the day you first came home with me. I hope you understand, sweetheart, I am not trying to replace you. I’m trying to help myself heal, and Skye needed a home and a daddy.

I’m planning to try and set up your memorial soon. It will be nice to have something visible every day to remember you.

I love you, Stormy. To the stars and back again.

Love,
Daddy

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David

Daddy to beloved fur baby Stormy
08/2003 - 05/19/18
Stormy’s Residency https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/STORM059/Resident.htm
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Lillymylove

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Reply with quote  #47 
One week!!! It will still hurt after one year but it’s not as raw and gut renching
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David 
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AZTiger98

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Reply with quote  #48 
Dearest Stormy,

So sorry I missed writing you yesterday. Too many things conspiring to keep me from it. But you were never out of my thoughts.

It’s amazing to me how I can go from feeling like I’m going to make it through this one minute, and then one thing happens or gets said, and it’s like all of the wounds have been ripped open and made deeper. Unfortunately, there aren’t a lot of solutions to that problem.

I miss you so much, baby girl. Even with Skye I can’t get a moment’s peace to try and bond with her, because no one wants to respect that she’s my kitten...everybody else is taking her and me saying anything just creates more strife. So that leaves me pretty much feeling crummy and no one to help me get through it. First you were taken from me, now everyone else is trying to take Skye...

I used to love holidays, how they meant you and I could spend a lot of time together. Now, though, they’re just stark reminders of how you’re not here with me.

Daddy loves you forever, baby girl.

Love,
Daddy

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David

Daddy to beloved fur baby Stormy
08/2003 - 05/19/18
Stormy’s Residency https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/STORM059/Resident.htm
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catiebee

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Reply with quote  #49 
Hi David,

I am somewhat aghast and miffed with your family. You guys got the kitten for you and no one will let you be with her?? I'm sure they are having a blast with her, but gosh I hope you get some major time with Skye soon!  Those three sentences seem very inadequate, but I guess I'll leave it at that. Well....is there anywhere you can take her for a little while to get time to bond with her?

I understand how unbelievably deep and wide the grief can be and how devastating it can feel when it clamps down. The pain was so bad here for a long time, that it felt like I wouldn't be able to live through it. Gratefully, I knew I would survive it and I know you realize that, too. But that knowledge really doesn't make the day-to-day experience of it any easier at all.

I hope today gets better somehow for you. Hoping for some ease and encouragement to come your way.



PS, that was comical about the sweet potato bread. Thank you for the grin!

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Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
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Snowfire

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Reply with quote  #50 
She sounds so neat and cute. Who can turn away a new life and I hope she fills an empty spot. No not same kitty but yes needs love too.
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AZTiger98

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Reply with quote  #51 
Snowfire,

Thanks- she IS cute.  Such wide, curious eyes, and just a complete sweetheart.  She fell asleep in my arms at the Humane Society within about 5 minutes of being given to me, and was just purring happily before that.

Catie,

Thanks - I'm a little miffed too.  It's mainly my daughters.  They're still at an age where they feel like everything in the house is equally theirs, especially the pets, even though it's like pulling teeth to get them to help out with pet-related chores.  And the kitten is something new and exciting.  So they've pulled stuff in the last two days like sneaking the kitten into their room alone for playtime, camping out in the room where the kitten is staying while we integrate her into the household, hovering if I get lucky enough to have time to hold her, etc.  I try addressing it with them, and explaining that they need to stop acting like the kitten is "theirs", but I don't think they quite get it yet (my latest explanation attempt was to ask, "If you bought a car, and then the day you came home with it, and for any days after, Dad just said, "I'm taking the car to go for a spin around town", how would you feel, if it was cutting into the time YOU got to drive it?").  With my having to work all day, and with them being home, I'm (hopefully understandably) worried that Skye's going to bond more with them than with me anyway, because they will have more opportunities to hang out with her, I'll only get a couple of hours at night, until the weekends roll around.

Unfortunately, no, there's not really anywhere I can take her by myself, short of locking myself in my bedroom with her - which I may have to do.

I'm fighting a different battle on another front with the necklace I bought for Stormy's ashes, that apparently the thought of that hanging around my neck is creating some animosity.  I've tried suggesting that I can wear more than one necklace at a time and would love to have a necklace with keepsakes of other family members that I can wear when I'm not at home, so we'll see if that helps alleviate that issue - at least I'm trying to find a happy middle ground instead of just bulling ahead and saying I'll do what I darn well please, though (although that's what I really feel like doing). 

Thanks for listening.  I know eventually I'll make it through all the grief, and I'll reach a point where I can think of Stormy and smile fondly and not feel like I'm about to burst into tears.  And I don't want to rush that coming, because I need to grieve properly, as major a part of my life as Stormy was.

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David

Daddy to beloved fur baby Stormy
08/2003 - 05/19/18
Stormy’s Residency https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/STORM059/Resident.htm
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catiebee

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Reply with quote  #52 
Wow. I'm so sorry that at a time like this, you're having to deal with so much strife and drama. I keep reading the paragraph about the necklace.

I hope very soon you can get some quality time with Skye. Maybe even out for a drive, if nothing else works out.  

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Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
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AZTiger98

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Reply with quote  #53 
Dear Stormy,

I'm missing you a lot today.  The whole drive in to work, I couldn't stop thinking about how I wished you were going to be home to greet me when I got done with work tonight.  My rollercoaster of grief is somewhere in another one of the complex sections of its track, where I'm not even really sure what I'm feeling this morning in terms of an emotion description.  I guess I'll have to go with numb again today.  Sort of like Tom Hanks in (I think) Sleepless in Seattle, I feel like I'm just going to "get out of bed every morning and breathe in and out all day."  Although I AM feeling tears welling up at the moment, so maybe I'm not completely numb.

I almost put the Cat Sitter DVD that I bought you after you first came home with me on for Skye last night, but something stopped me - I think it was an internal "No", telling me that I was nowhere near ready to do that, because I'm probably always going to think of that DVD as "your" video.  I remember how, when I first bought it, I started playing it, and you would sit on the floor in front of the TV like a little kid, and when you'd see various images like the birds on the screen, or the laserbug, you'd start chattering and meowing and then pouncing at the TV trying to catch the bug/bird.  You always made me laugh when you did that.

I forgot to tell you this weekend, but I almost cried a river after we picked Skye up from the Humane Society.  We were at the register checking out, and James asked if we were going to go get you so that you could play with Skye.  I had to fight back tears as I told him that I wished more than anything that I COULD get you, but that you weren't here anymore, you were up in Heaven.

I'm going to look today for urns for you.  It's going to feel a little weird to me splitting your ashes up, but I will just have to remind myself that you're not in the box / urn, you're at Rainbow Bridge.  And I'm still working on the urn necklace.  I have no doubt I'll get it filled and have it with my constantly at some point, just not able to do that right now.

Grief sucks, Stormy.  Not because I regret loving you and having the special bond we shared, but because especially right now, it's just raw and unrelenting.  I wish I could just go home right now, lock myself in my bedroom, and never come out.  I dread going home in the evenings, because your happy little meows and purrs won't be there to greet me when I get there.  I know I have Skye, and I really do enjoy when I hold her and cuddle with her, and I love her, but I still miss you terribly.  The tears are about to burst the dam holding them back right now.

I have to go for now, Stormy.  But I'm thinking of you, even while I'm working, and even when I'm cuddling Skye tonight - if I get a chance to write you ater, I will do that.

I love you, sweetheart.

Love,
Daddy
 

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David

Daddy to beloved fur baby Stormy
08/2003 - 05/19/18
Stormy’s Residency https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/STORM059/Resident.htm
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Ginger4256

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Reply with quote  #54 
I am so sorry that you are in pain today.  I know exactly how you feel.  My Boo has been gone 3 weeks and 4 days and I am in just as much pain as I was the first day.  If I don't watch myself, I will just breakdown at work.  I am doing the best that I can but it's not easy.  I just wanted you to know that you are not alone.  I shared the same bond with Boo that you had with your precious little Stormy.  
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AZTiger98

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Reply with quote  #55 
Thank you, Ginger - I'm the same way RE: work.  I am struggling so hard to hold it together at work so that I don't burst into sobs and have all my coworkers thinking I've completely lost my mind.  Thanks for reminding me that I'm not alone in that.
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David

Daddy to beloved fur baby Stormy
08/2003 - 05/19/18
Stormy’s Residency https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/STORM059/Resident.htm
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Snowfire

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Reply with quote  #56 
I am such a sicker for a kitten. Can't wait to someday have another. Hope things better soon for you. I'm hoping same for me and everyone here too.
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AZTiger98

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Reply with quote  #57 
Dear Stormy,

This morning as I was getting ready to come to work, Skye was romping around the bedroom.  I saw her pop out from behind the bed, and without thinking, I said, "Hi Stormy!"  My heart sank, and I quickly corrected myself. 

Today's going a little better - at least I'm not on the verge of or in the process of crying my eyes out today.  I did hear one thing this morning that upset me briefly, but the person who said it immediately realized how it sounded and corrected themselves - they'd told me that Skye would be "more fun than Stormy was because she is so young and active", and I was like, "Umm, Stormy was still fun to be with, she was just more into cuddling than playing - which was just fine with me."

I still haven't done much searching for urns yet.  The container I got back is nice enough for now, so it's not like I have any drastic rush to find anything else.

I hope you're having a good day at the Bridge and that you're making lots of new friends there so that you're not lonely.  Keep on waiting for me, baby girl.  I'll be there eventually, it just will probably take a little while.  But I look forward to being reunited with you.

I love you, Stormy - beyond the known universe and back is not enough to describe how much you meant to me.  Always and forever, baby girl.

Love,
Daddy

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David

Daddy to beloved fur baby Stormy
08/2003 - 05/19/18
Stormy’s Residency https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/STORM059/Resident.htm
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msweet13

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Reply with quote  #58 
David - I wanted to say that I know you will never forget Stormy, but I was remiss in wishing you well with your new fur-baby Skye. Of course Skye will never replace your beloved Stormy, but I am sure Stormy was smiling when you brought a little one into your life to love. Keep well and be at peace.
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Denise (Brutus' Mom)
Brutus von Dolce
06/19/2006 - 03/16/2018
RIP my sweet beautiful boy
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AZTiger98

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Reply with quote  #59 
Denise,

Thank you - I'm sure she was as well.  May we all find the peace we need at this time.

David

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David

Daddy to beloved fur baby Stormy
08/2003 - 05/19/18
Stormy’s Residency https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/STORM059/Resident.htm
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AZTiger98

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Reply with quote  #60 
Dear Stormy,

It's the end of May.  Just 13 short days ago, you were still happily purring and meowing at me to either pet you or come to bed.  Then the next day, your little tummy got all upset from something, and I was forced into taking you on your last ride to the clinic.  I'm so sorry, baby girl.  I'm sorry I didn't do what I probably should have years ago and said that I would be taking you to the vet clinic near our house for official checkups, rather than just trusting that you living in the house with a vet would be sufficient for noticing any problems.  I'm sorry it didn't register with me sooner that, despite all the words, no action had ever been taken on changing your diet to try and help your condition improve.  I'm sorry that I probably didn't spend as much time with you as I should have in the recent months and years - you were always happy when I did, but it seems like most of the time, you were camped out on the bed waiting on me to come fall asleep, while I was out in the other part of the house with the puppies.  That's what I regret the most.  I hope the guilt I feel goes away eventually, Stormy - because right now, it just rears its head in waves, just like the grief.

I miss you dearly, Stormy.  I see your face every time I hold and look at Skye - it's bizarre.  I don't expect her to grow up to be you, by any stretch of the imagination.  She's good for me, I think - and she's somewhere she'll be well loved and cared for for many years to come. 

Do you ever stop playing at the Bridge and think back to your time here with me?  If you do, I hope it is with fondness and happiness for the time we shared.  I can't imagine having adopted any other cats that day I brought you home with me.

Tears are welling up now, so I should probably go before I become a basket case at work.  But I will be thinking of you every moment...you are always in my thoughts and in my heart.

I love you, baby girl.  With all my heart. 

Love,
Daddy

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David

Daddy to beloved fur baby Stormy
08/2003 - 05/19/18
Stormy’s Residency https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/STORM059/Resident.htm
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