Just checking in on you. I know it is all so hard. And sure, it would be devastating without the additional layer of conflict and questioning, but I truly believe those elements make things much harder still. I am wishing you the very best, as you find your way. It is all still so fresh, very early stages. Though you may feel you have lived an entire painful lifetime in this past week. My heart goes out to you. You've managed to express so many important things in your letters to Stormy. The whole situation with losing her is a rotten deal. I think you've shown courage in your writing and sharing your feelings. I'll be interested to hear how it goes with seeing the kits on Sunday. I've had a chance to be on both sides of that fence in my lifetime. In 2006 I tried to get a pup a bit too soon and needed to backtrack; I was still grieving my previous furry girl too hard. (I joyfully took home the same pup just a few weeks later, overjoyed that she was still available.) But currently, I've wished for another for some time, yet I've needed to first let an injury resolve, plus I want a certain breed, which will require research and lead time. Having a quiet home this long hasn't helped. I am smiling at the thought that a baby might help to ease some of the hardest edges of your grief. Their antics can be such a feast for the eyes and heart. So keep us posted about the visit. I hope you get some times of relief. I know feeling even a bit better can help, especially after some huge waves of grief roll in. Take care of you.
-Missing Marissa deeply