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catiebee

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Reply with quote  #196 
David.... I'm real sorry for your pain. The overall grief and the heaviness this milestone brought in. 

Your heart for Stormy says it all, even wordlessly. She knows how deep your love for her is.  I wish you still had and could continue to enjoy your little, affectionate girl. It's so hard.

Just a little note to say I understand and my heart goes out to you. I hope your week gets easier. Do take care of you!



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Catie
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AZTiger98

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Reply with quote  #197 
Thank you, Catie - yes, it was a rough anniversary.  But overall, though I do miss my little furbaby terribly, and she's always in the back of my mind (and I still have moments when I struggle with memories of that day or feelings of guilt), I think I have more good days than bad these days.  Which is good.

To all who come by and read these posts / letters, I saw this today - this is how I envision Stormy and all of our furbabies...

Stormy.jpg 


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David

Daddy to beloved fur baby Stormy
08/2003 - 05/19/18
Stormy’s Residency https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/STORM059/Resident.htm
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AZTiger98

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Reply with quote  #198 
Dear Stormy,

How are you doing, baby girl?  I hope you are enjoying yourself at the Rainbow Bridge and that you've been making lots of new friends.

I was reminded of you the other day, when I was playing with Pumpkin and Skye with a laser pointer.  You always used to get so puzzled when I'd make the light disappear, like you were SURE it was alive and had crawled under whatever object you last saw it in front of - even when it would go right up to you, you'd jump up and start looking for it like you thought it had crawled onto your tummy.  Then I'd turn it back on again, and you'd go chasing after it.  It always brought a smile to my face.

Skye is just getting used to the laser of course, but Pumpkin has figured out that I'm the one who turns it on and off - did you tell him? 😉  He'll start chasing it, I'll run it to the edge of an object and turn it off as if it went under the object, and then Pumpkin looks right at me, walks over, and starts meowing as if to say, "Bring it back, Daddy! I wanna play some more!"

I'm sad to do it, but I think your memory box is going to have to wait for a while.  Maybe for years - I don't know.  It depends on whether I can find a place for it that it won't be disturbed by prying hands.  Having already lost your fur clippings, and half-certain that they were lifted away by people who shouldn't even have been in the bedroom, much less poking around in my stuff, I can't bear the thought of losing the playdough pawprint we made that fateful day, any pictures of you that I'm fortunate enough to still have that haven't already been taken and messed up with tape or being bent/rolled, or any other things I might put in there.  So for now, I may just have to keep the idea in my mind for a time down the road.  I took your pawprint down the other day and held it for a bit before putting it back out of reach for safekeeping...and I could almost feel your paw in it.  The soft fur, the poky little claws, etc.  As I always say, little one, you're never far from my thoughts and memories.

I continue to tightly hold on to the hope that I'll get to see you again one day and have you spend eternity with me.  My arms will definitely be full that day, but I will for sure save the tightest hugs and squeezes for you, baby girl.  Not that I love my other furbabies less, but because you were "my" first.

Daddy has to go for now, baby girl.  But I will come back and write again - count on that.

I love you to the end of the known universe and back with all my heart, Stormy.

Love,
Daddy

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David

Daddy to beloved fur baby Stormy
08/2003 - 05/19/18
Stormy’s Residency https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/STORM059/Resident.htm
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JaspersMom

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Reply with quote  #199 
Hello David,
Your beautiful and heartfelt words to your Stormy really touched my heart, and brought tears to my eyes. Your love for your sweet girl is so evident, and every word you write to her is filled with such warmth and emotion. I have said this many times before, and I will say it again. The bond cannot be broken, the connection cannot be severed, no time or distance or physical separation will ever take you away from your beautiful girl. She is just around the bend, and I believe with all of my heart, that she can feel your love for her even now.

Your story about Stormy, Pumpkin, Skye and the laser pointer was so sweet and endearing. I can just picture your dear little girl with a puzzled look on her face, thinking, where in the world did it go now. I am so sorry to hear that you are unable to find her fur clippings, as I know how much those meant to you. When my Jingles crossed over, I cherished his blanket with his scent on it, that was so important to me, and it was like pure gold to me. Well my daughter was trying to help me out one day and meant well, and she washed the blanket, and I was totally crushed, and I felt like someone had knocked the wind right out of me. I know her intentions were good, and that she was just trying to help, but that blanket was the last item I could identify with as truly his alone, and it had his sweet smell on it. I just had to let it go, and realize that although he may have been wrapped up in that blanket at night, our years of love and joy, and our bright and shiny days were not wrapped up in that blanket. Just like his life was not centered on that last awful night, when he took his last breath in my arms, but in all the years and moments filled with pure joy and so much love.

That is wonderful that you have a playdough pawprint of your girl, and I am sure that must mean the world to you. Yes, you are right that the memory box can wait until you are ready, and able to find a safe place to keep your precious mementos and remembrances of your kitty. I have Jingle's ashes in a little cedar box, a plaque with a clipping of his fur and his dear little pawprint. I gave away all his food to the SPCA, with a note on it that this was given to all the scared and lost kitties waiting for homes, in honor of my dear, special boy. I know he was smiling down from rainbow bridge that day, because it took everything in me to let that food go, because I almost felt he was being erased from my life. But he was not being erased at all, his sweet life and spirit was alive and well and helping others, and that is just what he would have wanted. After I gave away his food, and there was quite a bit as I always tried so hard to whet his appetite in hopes that he would put on some weight, it felt so good, that a scared or abandoned cat in a shelter would actually have a good meal and a full tummy, because of him.

The thought of a memory box sounds so sweet, and I am going to make one for all of my dear babies in the near future, when I am ready. I know just what you mean when you write that you will save the tightest hugs and squeezes for your baby girl, not because you love your other little ones less, but because she was your "first", and that makes her so very special, like a one in a million snowflake, so beautiful, so precious, but gone way too soon. I love my Jasper and my Pootie Tang to the moon and back, but my Jingles will always hold a special place in my heart, because he was my "first", and I fell completely, hopelessly in love with him from day one. I know that you can understand when I say that my boy made me who I am today, I am the person I am, because of him, and I always want to make him proud of me.

I wish you peace and hope in your heart David, with the knowledge that you will see your Stormy again, of this I have no doubt. No matter how much time goes by, she will always be with you, because of the love you share, a love that knows no bounds. We so often feel that with time passing and the winds of change, that our sweet kitties will fade from our world and our lives. Nothing could be further from the truth. They never leave our hearts or our souls, they are such a part of us, and that is why when we have to say goodbye, we feel so broken, because they take such a big piece of our hearts with them. But they leave so much sweetness and love behind, hold on tight to the memories, hold on tight to the love. I just know that your girl can somehow feel your love shine through every single word you write to her. She must be so happy and so proud to have had a dad that cherishes her not only in this life but beyond. You will always be her special person, and she will always be your little girl. Deux Ames, Un Couer, Two Souls, One Heart. Hugs to you and your sweet little Stormy, now and always, JaspersMom 


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Pamela Lynne Crawford
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Reply with quote  #200 
Hi David,

Just wanted to stop by and say thank you so much for your words of comfort and encouragement after my last serious UGA that occurred a few weeks ago.  Man, that was a bad one.  The kind that makes you want to take a sleep aid, turn off the lights, pull the covers overhead, cry until you fall asleep, and hope for a better tomorrow.  It happens. 

I enjoy reading your letters to dear Stormy.  Life, work, and conflict are a daily thing for me and so I identify a lot with your posts.  I'm short on time as always and just wanted to say thank you and I'll hold you in my prayers as well, as we muddle through this thing called life. 

Take care,

Marina

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AZTiger98

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Reply with quote  #201 
Marina and JaspersMom,

Thank you so much for dropping by and leaving your words of encouragement.  As always, they are much appreciated and welcomed.  While life does get 'easier' day by day, there are certainly those times when I need the reminders that everything's going to be ok.

Marina, I totally agree, those UGAs do happen.  I get them myself every now and then, and they are truly horrible.  I'm glad you got through it...hopefully you won't have anymore for a while.

JaspersMom, I do understand when you say that about Jingles.  Stormy made me who I am today, too, as when I got her, I was going through a HUGE rough stretch of life.  When I saw her at the Humane Society and read her bio, I knew we were meant for each other - two souls who had enough flaws that they just needed someone who would love them for who they were in spite of the flaws.  She probably saved my life, too, as she helped my blood pressure and stress level drop considerably after she came along - because just sitting on the couch or lying in the bed petting her was like this huge release of pressure for me.  Skye, Pumpkin, and Chip (our other cats) are much the same way these days, as are our puppies.

I hope all are having a better day today, and finding peace in the midst of grief.


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David

Daddy to beloved fur baby Stormy
08/2003 - 05/19/18
Stormy’s Residency https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/STORM059/Resident.htm
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catiebee

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Reply with quote  #202 
Hi David, 

Life has intervened and has slowed me down from getting back to the forum. I'm sorry I haven't posted on your thread in some time. 

The post with the kitties outside heaven's gates is so very very gripping. Whew! It's hard to imagine a more longed-for reunion. 

It's so good to hear that your good days are outnumbering the harder ones.

Sorry about the interference with Stormy's memory items. I understand your need to keep the special things that you do have safe!

You guys have heaps of fun with the laser pointer--I love reading how much your kitties enjoy this play. 

It is really, truly, something the way a small creature that can't form words can bring us so much comfort and help us so much. Their loving presence and kind, little dispositions truly made a difference in the worst times of life.  It's remarkable!  I well remember what it meant to have M on the heels of a divorce. 

I hope your spring is off to a pleasant start and that things are good in your world!

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Catie
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JennyTeddy

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Reply with quote  #203 
David,

Thank you so much for your comforting and thoughtful words on Teddy’s thread for his 1 year. It means so much to me to have your support and kindness through this incredibly tough journey even when your heart weighs heavy for your baby girl.
Your letters to stormy are so touching and beautiful. I know Stormy's 1 year is approaching and the day, weeks, months leading up to it is so hard. I how much you miss your baby girl. Every day without our babies physical with us is so hard. Stormy knows how deep and strong your love is for her. She is always with you, besides you forever. There is no where else she would rather be than by your side.
Sending you warm hugs and comfort.

I came across this photo, I thought of you and Stormy.

Attached Images
jpeg 825B562F-D149-4F64-9596-EA27D9E326B9.jpeg (96.39 KB, 3 views)


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AZTiger98

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Reply with quote  #204 
Dearest Stormy,

Well, today is winding down here, and I’m just now able to sit down and write to you. It’s now been 1 year. One year since you were taken from me.. And though time has indeed numbed the pain, I still miss you as if you left just yesterday.

Yes, I’ve been able to bring Skye into the family and love her. But she’s not you. And not that I expected her to be. Oh, how much I miss cuddling with you at night, Stormy. I miss so much.

I miss your cute little meow when I would come back from work and say, “Where’s Daddy’s little girl?”
I miss your purr as you would lie on the couch above my head or on my lap.
I miss you following me around the house.
I miss you watching me get ready for work in the mornings.
I miss playing fetch with you.
I miss your fur.
I miss how you would hide in the bedroom when company came over, until you were certain that they were not going to hurt me, then you would come out to visit.
I miss you nestling in behind my knees at night.
I miss watching you chase bugs.
I miss playing with the laser pointer with you.
I miss talking with you about pretty much everything.
I miss how you would calm me down no matter how bad my day had been.
I miss how you never criticized me..
I miss the smile you brought to my face every day.
I miss so much.

And then there are the memories of that last, horrible day. And those are seared into my brain forever. I can’t talk about them right now...they cause me too much grief.

Here I go about to cry again.

It still just feels like a horrible nightmare that I am stuck in.

If I try to talk about it with anyone, they’ll probably tell me to get over it. But how can I? Not when you meant so much to me. Not when you were the one who gave me hope when I was losing my mind. Not when you chose me that day at the Humane Society. No, I’m pretty sure this is one loss that I will never get over. You were too close to me for that to happen.

Please come visit me in my dreams sometime, Stormy. I need it.

I was so protective of you. I remember the first time you climbed up on my chest of drawers and I immediately pulled you down, because I was afraid you would hurt yourself. I remember almost driving to my in-laws’ house in a panic, because I had been told you were missing...and how I broke down and cried like a baby in relief when they found you. I remember holding you on your first trip to the vet because you were so scared.

I could protect you against everything except time itself.

And yet in some ways, I still feel like I failed you.

I hope you can forgive me, Stormy, and that I will eventually be able to forgive myself.

I will continue to carry these memories of you with me everywhere. Tonight, they are bringing me anguish, but most days the happy ones bring a smile to my face.

I miss you, baby girl. Always and forever.

Love,
Daddy

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David

Daddy to beloved fur baby Stormy
08/2003 - 05/19/18
Stormy’s Residency https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/STORM059/Resident.htm
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AZTiger98

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Reply with quote  #205 
StormyTag.jpg 

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David

Daddy to beloved fur baby Stormy
08/2003 - 05/19/18
Stormy’s Residency https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/STORM059/Resident.htm
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JennyTeddy

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Reply with quote  #206 
David,
One year is so incredibly tough. My heart goes out to you on Stormy’s 1 year. It’s an unbelievable feeling, how can a year go by so fast... Your letter to Stormy is so sweet and beautiful. I wish for you that today will be filled with the sweetest love and memories of your baby girl. I know today is extremely hard. We will never “get over it.” Stormy is your best friend, your baby, your daughter, your everything. Our babies never criticize us, judge us, never say or do hurtful things to us, they are always there for us. You and Stormy have a very special bond that will never be broken. She is always with you, just as she has always been. There is no place she would rather be than by her dads side. She’s a Daddy’s girl. Stormy knows how much you love her and knows you didn’t fail her. You are an amazing dad to her. I hope you feel your sweet girl next to you today. Sending you warm hugs on this special and incredibly hard day 💕🐾

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catiebee

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Reply with quote  #207 
David, I just want you to know I'm listening and caring. It's such a huge mile marker and can feel just stunning to try to assimilate that so much time has actually passed and we've lived through it without them.

I'm really sorry for all the hurt, the heartbreak of losing Stormy and missing her so badly.  And all that happened (and that didn't happen) around the end, which has left you torn, perplexed and feeling guilty still. I hate that you carry that burden, yet I realize we can't find our way out of things like that by an act of our will and there are no magic wands. My heart goes out to you very much over it all and I dearly hope you can come to forgive yourself. 

I really hear you where you say you could protect her from everything but time itself. Such a ring of truth there and I bear witness in my own heart with the sense of helplessness attached to that. It's heart rending. 

It's so many individual, unique attributes and ways that we miss about them. Those may each sound like little things on paper, I guess, but they weren't little at all in 3D life. I know Stormy had a crystal clear personality, a will of her own, a special attachment and connection with you and that she occupied a very big space in your heart while she was with you and even now. She was her own furry person and the two of you belonged to each other--you were hers as much as she was yours. You write deep, touching letters to her and I hope each one helps at least a bit to release some grief. 

I'm glad you're here, but I'm so sorry you need to be. And I hope your path gets easier. Many warm thoughts to you and wishes for your heart to be comforted!



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Catie
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AZTiger98

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Reply with quote  #208 
Jenny and Catie,

Thank you both for your kindness and your notes on Stormy's 1-year angel-fur-sary.  Yes, writing the letters does help to release grief, even if only a tiny bit each time. I'm having another UGA today, because I was trying to contact our pet sitter about coming to the house to walk the dogs today, and right there in the phone was a picture of Stormy from just barely 18 months ago (if that).  And she looked so full of life and energetic.  I broke down the minute I saw it, and I haven't been able to stop crying all day - off and on, the tears are hitting me.

Then I came on the forum and read a couple of messages, and the floodgates opened.

I'm so thankful for this place, and for the people here - y'all totally get the hurt, the pain, the sadness, the longing...I honestly don't know what I would've done without everyone who's walked this road along with me.

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David

Daddy to beloved fur baby Stormy
08/2003 - 05/19/18
Stormy’s Residency https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/STORM059/Resident.htm
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AZTiger98

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Reply with quote  #209 
Dear Stormy,

I'm in tears today, baby girl.

I was trying to contact the pet sitter to see if she could come out and take care of the puppies today.  And so I went looking through my phone, and I came across her message conversation.  And right there at the bottom of it was a picture of you.  Oh, you looked so happy and so full of life (even though this may have been within a year or so of when you crossed over the Bridge).  I haven't been able to hold it in all day - the sadness has been there, just opening springs like fountains going off at regular intervals. 

Someone wrote in a post on here the things they could imagine their furbaby saying to them from Heaven, and I think a lot of them fit with you, too.  Maybe one day I'll be able to do the same - I just can't right now.

I guess the only comforting thing about these UGAs is that they are reminders and assurances of my love for you and that it continues and remains, even after just over a year.

Oh, how I wish I had been able to enjoy those first four years with you, Stormy!  As bouncy as you were when you came to me, I can only imagine how you'd have behaved when you were just a kitten.  That's not to say that I didn't enjoy your company as an older cat - on the contrary, I thoroughly enjoyed every minute of it.

I'm sorry this is so short, baby girl.  Daddy needs to get back to work for a little bit before I head home.  I sure could use some cuddles from you tonight - so much going on in life right now, and you were always the one who helped me to stay calm and focused on the things that matter, not the noise around me.  I miss that so much.

I do hope you can visit me in my dreams again sometime, just to let me know you're ok.

I miss you, Stormy.  And I love you - always and forever, to the end of the known universe and back.

Love,
Daddy

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David

Daddy to beloved fur baby Stormy
08/2003 - 05/19/18
Stormy’s Residency https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/STORM059/Resident.htm
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catiebee

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Reply with quote  #210 
Man, David! That monster UGA came out of nowhere, blindsided you and knocked your legs out from under you--in the way only a giant UGA can. I'm sure sorry!  It sounds like the pain from it has been outrageous.

I don't know why that happens and punches a hole in the dam like that. I hate that you've had a river of tears today.

I'm so sorry for the loss of all the time together, all the affection and experiences you and Stormy could've had, if she hadn't had to leave. It's just massively disappointing and heartbreaking. I hope your heart can find some peace and comfort and that you can get relief from this big wall of grief that hit you. My heart goes out to you for the pain you've been suffering.





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Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
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