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catiebee

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Reply with quote  #181 
Hi David,

Such beautiful, deeply heartfelt letters to Stormy. I don't know what it is about writing, but written words seem to dip out substance, essence, emotions from our hearts in a way almost nothing else does. 

I know. There is a sense in which the pain seems completely unmovable, unaltered. Yet beyond doubt, times are better than at first. I'm certainly grateful for that. Yet the loss is such a mountain in our souls, to navigate around.

I'm so sorry you've had these scares with Skye. Just like kids, I guess they see a boundary and feel an urgent need to cross it sometimes. I hope she will lose her interest in the garage and stop her escape tactics. 

It is really sweet to hear that Skye curled up behind your knees like Stormy used to. Lovely! I hope Skye's resemblance to Stormy will continue to comfort you.

Tough season with fall changes and the holidays rapidly approaching. I hope you are truly on the mend physically and I trust you'll have just the right portion of strength to get through your days. Especially the extra hard ones. You're in my thoughts, friend. 



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Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
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JennyTeddy

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Reply with quote  #182 
David,

Your letters to Stormy are beautiful. I know your heart weighs heavier and heavier each day, week, month that passes. It’s so hard without our babies by our sides. Know that Stormy is always with you, there is no place she would rather be even in spirit.
I wanted to thank you for visiting Teddy’s thread and checking on me during the Paradise fires. While on Pinterest looking at quotes I came across this one and it made me think of you and your baby girl Stormy. Sending you many hugs and comfort.

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jpeg 9C2B2EDA-58C2-4A9E-9BAE-F3E24CFD3912.jpeg (222.62 KB, 3 views)


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AZTiger98

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Reply with quote  #183 
Thank you, Catie and Jenny, for dropping in and for your words of encouragement.  I always appreciate them.  And Jenny, thank you so much for that quote...brought me to tears, but it made me smile, too. 😉

It really is tough, dealing with all of this.  And yet, despite the pain, despite knowing the pain that will come, I choose to go through everything over and over again.  I went through it with my wife's cat several years ago, I'll probably go through it some day with her younger cat and the stray we took in, and I'll go through it with Skye, and of course all our puppies.  But I wouldn't trade one second of time with them.  They really do help calm me, lower my blood pressure, release my stress, etc...and that's even with me not really talking to them.  It's even better when I DO talk to them, because I can just talk, listen to them purr or feel them breathe, and know that they're listening and not going to run away from me because of anything I say.

Wednesday is 7 months.  As I think back on it, there are so many things I wish had gone differently, or that I wonder, "should I have said this? What would've happened?"  I guess I still am beating myself up (not consciously) that I should've been more vocal about changing Stormy's diet, since I don't think anything was ever done about that. 

I hope the upcoming holidays will help a little, as long as I can get outside and have some activities.  In one sense, that's a blessing that things happened when they did - because it's given me 7 months to heal (even if I don't feel like I've healed a lot), so I can be around family without just wanting to hide all day.  If this had happened within the last month, Thanksgiving would've been massively ruined, and if it had happened within the last week or so, Christmas would've been ruined - because I'd have been so depressed, I wouldn't have wanted to do anything at all.  But everyone here has helped me through that, at least to a point where I don't go around with the thought, "No one understands how I feel" anymore.

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David

Daddy to beloved fur baby Stormy
08/2003 - 05/19/18
Stormy’s Residency https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/STORM059/Resident.htm
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AZTiger98

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Reply with quote  #184 
Dearest Stormy,

Merry Christmas, baby girl. It feels so strange writing those words, because how can anything be very merry when you're not here with me? Last week was 7 months. 7 long months. Some days I think I'm doing ok, and then other days, I wonder just how I'm able to hold everything together.

I'm still having a rough time forgiving myself, Stormy. How could I not have realized that your diet was never modified? I know there's no guarantee that it would have made a difference or even that it would have bought you any more time, but I still feel like I failed you.

And then the way everything unfolded on your last day. You looked so scared, baby girl. And I'm sure you were, because you were trying to get out of my arms inside the van. Instead of you having a peaceful passing, it seemed filled with terror for you. I'm so sorry.

I hope you can forgive me, Stormy. And I hope that one day I am able to forgive myself.

This is my first Christmas without you. Not that we've never been apart at Christmas before, but that you won't be there to greet me when I get home. I dread it...just like I have dreaded a lot of other times over the past 7 months.

I hope you have a good day at the Bridge, Stormy. If it's possible, I sure would love for you to visit me in my dreams sometime soon. I miss you so much, and I long for the feeling of your fur rubbing on me and hearing your sweet meow again. I hold on to the hope of a joyous reunion one day when we will never again have to part.

I love you, Stormy. To the end of the known universe and back again.

Love,
Daddy

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David

Daddy to beloved fur baby Stormy
08/2003 - 05/19/18
Stormy’s Residency https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/STORM059/Resident.htm
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JennyTeddy

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Reply with quote  #185 
David,

Thinking of you and your precious Stormy on this Christmas morning. It's at special times that we miss our babies the most. May all the wonderful memories you and Stormy shared together bring you comfort and fill your heart with warmth, knowing she is always with you. Wishing you peace at Christmas and all year. Sending many hugs and comfort. ❤️🎄

Jenny & Teddy

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catiebee

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Reply with quote  #186 
David, 

I'm sorry for how much you are suffering during this holiday and for the excruciating, sharp pangs that come at strategic times, like arriving home. The loss is terrible in its scope, its depth, its intensity. And I'm so sorry you're still stricken with guilt. Your heart held only love for precious Stormy. I dearly hope those feelings will start to ease before long. Remembering the awfullest times takes such a toll.

I've thought so many times, how very much I wished I had a balm, an ointment with effective relief to soothe all of our hearts. Yet we all wrestle our way onward, in spite of the pain of bereavement and the crushing disappointment that rears its head again and again. 

No wise words here. Just understanding. And hoping better, easier days will come your way. Hugs and Merry Christmas to you...





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Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
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catiebee

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Reply with quote  #187 
Just dropping you a little note, David. I so hope your holidays went as smoothly as they could and that your heart received much comfort and warmth through this special season. I realize you were very much yearning for Stormy's presence and were missing her dearly as the holidays approached. I also hope that physically you are on the mend. 

These beloved girls mean so much, so very very much to us. It's no wonder our hearts aren't willing to let go but keep aching for a long, long time. 

May you have peace, hope and encouragement in the coming days and I hope 2019 will be extra good to you!

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Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
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