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catiebee

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Reply with quote  #106 
Ohhhhh. That is the worst!  Write as much as you need to, if it helps you.

Totally understand and you are very early in the process. It. Is. Rotten.  Sooo sorry you're going through this!

Let it out as best you can. And take care of you. Thoughts and prayers for you, David.

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Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
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Purzel

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Reply with quote  #107 
David,

So sorry to read you are having a UGA. I found this little video and hope it will cheer you up a little
https://simonscat.com/blog/catmando/

Hugs and take good care of you

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Tankie12

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Reply with quote  #108 
I’m always warmed by your love for Stormy, your baby girl. You express yourself so eloquently I can see clearly the grief, longing , mixed feelings, but mostly the love,,,,I wish us all a night of dreams, warm fussy dreams of our sweet forever babies
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AZTiger98

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Reply with quote  #109 
Catie, Silvia and Lynn,

Thank you for your encouragement- it is much appreciated. Silvia, I laughed at that video. That was one of the first cat related videos I got when I first got Stormy. And is exactly what she would have done.

6 weeks today. Still sad, but making it bit by bit. Baby steps.

Hope each of you is having a good weekend and finding comfort in the small things.

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David

Daddy to beloved fur baby Stormy
08/2003 - 05/19/18
Stormy’s Residency https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/STORM059/Resident.htm
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AZTiger98

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Reply with quote  #110 
Dearest Stormy,

Today is 6 weeks since you left. I still miss you terribly. The days pass, but I don't know how I am getting through them, honestly.

I hope you have a good day at the bridge today and think of me. I could have sworn I saw you running through the house the other night with Skye chasing you. But as quickly as I rounded the corner to see, you were gone.

I have your memorial set up for the most part, at least for now. It brings a measure of relief that I've finally gotten that done.

I miss you, baby girl. I'm going to try and give Skye extra snuggles and kisses tonight.

I love you, Stormy. With more love than my heart can hold.

Love,
Daddy

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David

Daddy to beloved fur baby Stormy
08/2003 - 05/19/18
Stormy’s Residency https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/STORM059/Resident.htm
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AZTiger98

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Reply with quote  #111 
Saw this on Facebook earlier today, on “The Best Cat Page.”

Attached Images
jpeg F3B24064-A8C0-404B-9A94-AF5763CA61E7.jpeg (51.26 KB, 1 views)


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David

Daddy to beloved fur baby Stormy
08/2003 - 05/19/18
Stormy’s Residency https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/STORM059/Resident.htm

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AZTiger98

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Reply with quote  #112 
Dear Stormy,

It's now July.  Moving into the "so hot you don't want to leave the house at all" weather for about the next month or two.  You never really liked this time of year much.  You'd pretty much just hang out in the bedroom and lay on the bed up by my pillow.  I hope the heat at the Bridge is more tolerable for you in summer.

I'm having another UGA this morning.  Not really sure why, unless it's just that I'm having to deal with so much other stuff, it's weakened my defenses against this kind of thing.  I'm fighting to hold back the tears since I'm at work, but all I really want to do is run away to some secluded area and just cry.

I realized another thing I miss about you, and that's just your smells.  Sort of like how I imagine you always were able to sniff out where I was and know where I'd been and what things belonged to me, I think you left your own smells in my sheets, my pillows, my clothes, etc.

I need you so much right now, Stormy.  You were always able to keep me from feeling like I was being overwhelmed by the stress and other issues of life.  Maybe I'm not giving your surviving furblings enough of a chance to do that, but even though holding or petting them calms me down, I don't yet feel that calmness infusing into me like it used to with you.

I feel like I'm running out of new things to write.  I'm glad you don't feel like I'm being super-repetitive, though.  You never really did seem to mind if I always said the same things to you all the time.

Have a good day at the bridge, and I'll talk to you again soon, baby girl.  I love you, Stormy - with more love than my heart can hold.

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David

Daddy to beloved fur baby Stormy
08/2003 - 05/19/18
Stormy’s Residency https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/STORM059/Resident.htm
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catiebee

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Reply with quote  #113 
Hi David, 

I am so sorry you were hit with another UGA. How hard those are to bear! And how they tear at our hearts.  Life is lots harder in a grieving state and while being susceptible to those emotional storms. I hope you're feeling better and that the journey is more gentle today.

I can sure understand missing Stormy's aroma. Both Marissa and my previous dog had distinct, nut-like smells when I'd bury my nose in their fur. It was such a pleasure to breathe in their scent. 

It's precious that Stormy, among all her other great attributes, could be a stress buffer for you somehow. I'm so sorry the other pets can't meet your need the same way. 

Many words and thoughts are well worth repeating on this long journey.

All the best to you, as always, David. Sending many warm thoughts, hope for easier days, wishes for your heart to be fully comforted.



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Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
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AZTiger98

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Reply with quote  #114 
Hi Catie,

Thank you for the response.  You always seem to have the right things to say at the right time - for that, I am grateful.  Yes, those UGAs are hard, but today is going much better.  I had plenty of cuddle time with Skye last night (she was waiting on me when I got home, and was asking me to pick her up and hold her most of the evening), so I think that helped. 

I know the other pets don't help as much as Stormy did with just buffering the stress, but I can't really fault them.  Skye's still so young that she's just a little ball of energy, and my puppies are constantly roughhousing with each other and fighting over who gets to sit in Daddy's lap...they just aren't usually calm long enough to break through that stress wall, though they probably try.

I keep messing up and calling Skye "Stormy" when I'm home, but I don't think she minds too much.  I fix it pretty quickly.  It's probably going to be a constant battle for me for a while.

I did make myself feel better the other night with Skye, as I was holding her while I was trying to supervise my kids at bedtime.  I just started whispering to her telling her a bedtime story about how she came to live with me.  She just lay there in my arms and looked up at me with wide eyes for a while and listened...I think I'm going to have to talk to her more often.  She's also been giving nose bumps, mouth kisses, and slow eye blinks, so I'm sure there's a connection there, even if she is a little hyper.  But hyper is good - she brings smiles to my face and lessens the pain of not having my first baby girl with me anymore.

Hoping for better days for you as well, missing Marissa.

David


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David

Daddy to beloved fur baby Stormy
08/2003 - 05/19/18
Stormy’s Residency https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/STORM059/Resident.htm
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AZTiger98

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Reply with quote  #115 
I am so upset right now. I have to get this out somehow.

I had finally gotten a memorial set up for Stormy on to of my chest of drawers, with her ashes, final paw print, and her last fur clippings. I came home tonight, and the fur clippings are gone. Vanished. Nowhere to be found.

My wife swears she doesn’t recall touching the bag. But, she also said she MIGHT have thrown the bag away if she didn’t see the fur clippings in it.

I am literally wracked with tears. Unless the bag fell off, or was misplaced somehow, and I can miraculously locate it, I will never be able to have that memory back... :( :( :(

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David

Daddy to beloved fur baby Stormy
08/2003 - 05/19/18
Stormy’s Residency https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/STORM059/Resident.htm
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catiebee

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Reply with quote  #116 
Ohhhhh. David, I'm so, so sorry! I dearly hope the bag with the clippings shows up. I know what Marissa's fur clippings mean to me and understand that the bag was completely irreplaceable. My heart aches for you over this hurt. I so hope the clippings are still there!
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Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
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catiebee

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Reply with quote  #117 
David, you continue to be in my thoughts. I just wanted to let you know my heart is going out to you over everything related to Stormy and your loss. It is terribly hard, even with no added complexities, conflicts and debacles. Praying for you for comfort, strength and the whole nine yards. What a tough patch of time all this has been!
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Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
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AZTiger98

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Reply with quote  #118 
Thank you, Catie.  I greatly appreciate it.

I'm feeling a little better after the last couple of days, even though the bag hasn't yet turned up.  Part of me is wondering if I put it somewhere for safekeeping and am just forgetting where - which is entirely possible.  I'm going to hold on to the hope that it's still in the house and is just so well-hidden that it's going to take a little harder searching to find it.  My 12 year old daughter helped me look for it yesterday, but we never located it, but at least having a day that I could get in there and search under furniture and in drawers helped.

I also thought about - although in a way, I'm ashamed I even thought about it - getting some fur shaved off of Skye and put in a little baggie and then stash that, and have that as if it were from Stormy.  The part of me that doesn't like that I thought about it is thinking, "You get (apparently) careless and lose her fur clippings, and you want to just get any old cat's white and gray fur to pass it off as hers?"  The other part of me is very hesitant to think it will even work, because I remember what Stormy's fur clipping looked like...and so I'm thinking when I open the box to look at it again, I'll remember it's not her fur, because it won't have any of the brown shades that hers had from her tortie pattern mix...she was mostly gray tabby which Skye's fur would match, but she had enough tortie pattern that it would look noticeably different, I'm thinking.

But, I don't know - I'll have to think about it some more before I do it.

Yesterday also gave me a chance to help at least one of my daughters understand why I seem so attached to all of Stormy's mementos and why I'm so paranoid that something might happen to them.  She was griping about it because I'd said that I hoped I didn't find out that any of them had taken the clippings, and I just said, "Ok, let me ask you.  If I were to go in your bedroom and take something that you'd gotten from your former foster parent before we adopted you, and either get rid of it or hide it where you could never find it, would you be upset? You bet you would - because it would hold a lot of special memories for you.  It's the same for me with Stormy.  Those fur clippings are a special memory for me of her, and not knowing where they are is heart and gut-wrenching."  She understood at that point, I think, because she does have several things she cherishes as mementos that she knows she'd be distraught about losing if they ever disappeared.

I'm hanging in there today, just a little rocked from the last couple of days of trying to figure out where that fur went.  I hope you're having a better day as well, with enough comfort and strength to get you through it.

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David

Daddy to beloved fur baby Stormy
08/2003 - 05/19/18
Stormy’s Residency https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/STORM059/Resident.htm
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MissingScooty

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Reply with quote  #119 
Oh David...how difficult about the clippings. I do hope you find them soon. I didn't even think to do that, or a paw print either. I will pray hard you find them!
Hey...you will be First to know will you not, that found some Spree I did!  Yesterday in fact! I bought 3 boxes at a dollar store in the mall. Yaaay. I can not wait to relive my child hood. Thank you for being another person to encourage me about this delightful candy.
Hugs to you, and a box of Spree

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- Melissa
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AZTiger98

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Reply with quote  #120 
Melissa,

Thank you - I pray I can find them, too.  If I wasn't smart enough to put ALL the irreplaceable mementos out of reach of the kids, at least I was smart enough to put ONE majorly irreplaceable memento where no one can get their hands on it easily - in addition to the framed pawprint that the vet tech who took care of the final disposition of Stormy made for me, I have a piece of playdough that I got from one of my boys and made an impression of Stormy's paw in it before taking her to the vet.  THAT is going to stay out of reach of everyone too short to get to it with a stepladder, at least until I get a memory box put together...with that being the most physical reminder of Stormy besides her ashes that remains (as the vet tech's pawprint is basically an ink print, I think), I can only imagine how I would react if it got lost or broken.   

Found Spree, you did? MMMMMmmmmm....yummmmmmy.... 😉

Thank you for stopping in - hope your evening and weekend go well.

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David

Daddy to beloved fur baby Stormy
08/2003 - 05/19/18
Stormy’s Residency https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/STORM059/Resident.htm
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