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AZTiger98

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Reply with quote  #1 
I knew it would be bad, but I never dreamed it would be THIS bad.

My Stormy, Daddy’s Little Girl, went to the Rainbow Bridge about two and a half hours ago. Let’s just say that it wasn’t really on my terms or hers (I don’t think, anyway), and I have a lot of forgiving to get to the point of being able to do. I’m nowhere near that yet.

My heart feels like someone smashed it into a million pieces with a ball peen hammer. Stormy taught me how to let myself be loved and accepted me for the way less than perfect person that I am. I’m never going to forget her for that.

I’ve already told my girls that there is no discussion on the point, Stormy’s ashes (at least some of them) will be at our house in our bedroom, whether they like it or not. I may take some to work for a place on my desk, too.

I feel like I just want to eat lunch, go to my room, go to bed,and wake up at Rainbow Bridge.

The only comfort I have is that my little girl didn’t suffer.

Stormy, if you weren’t ready to go, please know that this was NOT my decision at all...I was basically forced into it. If you WERE ready, then I’m glad you aren’t suffering and that you’re healthy and playing again, and I hope you won’t hold it against me for not knowing if you were ready. I hope Marissa, Pootie Tang, Pal, and all the rest are welcoming you and showing you around already. Don’t forget me, though, baby girl. I will come for you one day, and we will never part after that.

Daddy will always love you, baby girl.

David

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David

Daddy to beloved fur baby Stormy
08/2003 - 05/19/18
Stormy’s Residency https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/STORM059/Resident.htm
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AZTiger98

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Reply with quote  #2 
My baby girl in her prime

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David

Daddy to beloved fur baby Stormy
08/2003 - 05/19/18
Stormy’s Residency https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/STORM059/Resident.htm

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Mackysmum

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Reply with quote  #3 
Hi
I remember reading your other post
I am very sorry you lost her now its heartbreaking , i know
I'm sorry you felt forced into doing this that's horrible but from what you described she did sound as if she was ready to leave this world , i hope im not sounding rude .I think she wouldn't hold any grudges against you at all she loved you and she knew how much you loved her , letting her go showed her just how much you loved her by not letting her suffer any more . As hard as it is to say goodbye , putting ther feelings before our own is our very last show of love.
Ps what a beautiful girl 💗💗💗
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AZTiger98

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Reply with quote  #4 
Mackysmum,

Thank you for your kind reply.

She may have been ready. I know she was going through a lot. Hopefully one day I will be able to know that she doesn’t feel like I just got rid of her. Right now, I only feel like all the joy has left my world, and I don’t see how it will ever come back. I don’t feel like you were being rude..

David

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David

Daddy to beloved fur baby Stormy
08/2003 - 05/19/18
Stormy’s Residency https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/STORM059/Resident.htm
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Mackysmum

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Reply with quote  #5 
Hi David
Thank you im glad I didn't sound rude.

It's so hard isn't it , the going over in our heads if we did the right thing , weather they thought we were just getting rid of them . I've had the same pattern of thinking many times since my macky passed away and it makes you feel so sick to think we had let them down .
I spoke to someone yesterday about all the guilt and the what ifs i have and he told me that at the time I did what I thought was right , i did what was possible and that I didn't know that this would really happen . It kinda helped me because its true we did do everything for them we tried do hard to make it all ok again but when it comes to health and or ageing we can't win no matter how hard we try to make it better.

Your girl loved you so much and im very sure she hated to see you upset or stressed , there's no wayin the world she would want you to feel bad or guilt . I try to tell myself this its hard to believeat times but that's part of the grief , i guess .

I know the joy has gone right now it does become a little easier with time , i say a little because its been 9 weeks for me and I'm still not happy or joyful bit its not as painful as were you are right now as times healed me a bit .

You did not get rid of your girl , you released her from distress and discomfort , something she could not do herself . It's not fair having to have to make that descion not right or fair so so hard but it's our job to protect them from any thing bad . It's our last act of protection and love .

I hope my post was not to much rammberling on

Bless you and your special sweet girl 💕💜💕
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AZTiger98

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Reply with quote  #6 
Hi Stormy,

I cried myself to sleep last night.

It felt so strange to be in the bed and not have you right there, nestled in to your favorite spot right behind my knees.

I hope you’re having a good first day at the Bridge, and that you’ve made lots of new friends.

I got up in the middle of the night again. Seems like I’m doing that more these days. You used to figure out I’d gotten up, and you would follow me into the bathroom or wherever I’d gone and start talking away to me. But tonight, there is only silence and the ache in my heart from your not being here.

I can’t get the last day’s events out of my head. And it’s making me want to cry again. You should be here, with me. Not lying in the freezer of some veterinary clinic across town. Here purring and meowing happily, not silenced forever on this earth. I’m so upset at how everything happened, Stormy. Not at you, I know you didn’t want to leave me. But at someone else. Right now, I don’t even see how I can go on.

You’re the lucky one. We got separated on earth, and you got to go to the Bridge, where there are no tears, no pain, and no sadness. And I had to come back home.

I love you and miss you, Stormy.

Love, Daddy


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David

Daddy to beloved fur baby Stormy
08/2003 - 05/19/18
Stormy’s Residency https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/STORM059/Resident.htm
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Snowfire

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Reply with quote  #7 
David I just read this and feel your pain. I'm so sorry. Please take care. I will come back and post more later.
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AZTiger98

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Reply with quote  #8 
Hi Stormy,

Well, it’s afternoon here, we just got home and almost have the boys down for their naps.

I remember how you would wait until the noise subsided, then you would venture out of the bedroom looking for me. You would either curl up on the couch with me, or we would go into the bedroom and snuggle up in the bed.

But now, there is none of that. I look at every place you used to like to lie, and nothing but emptiness looks back at me. As if it were taunting me: “Ha ha, she’s gone!” Only I’m not laughing. How could I be? My best friend, the only one who never criticized or complained, is gone. The weather report says it’s bright and sunny outside, but I essentially see nothing but darkness, clouds, and gloom. Nothing is enjoyable any more...

I’m feeling tired, so maybe I’ll go take a nap soon and see if you’ll come visit me in my dreams. I hope you will. But, if you’re busy playing with your new friends, I’ll try to understand.

I love you, my little girl.

Love,
Daddy


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David

Daddy to beloved fur baby Stormy
08/2003 - 05/19/18
Stormy’s Residency https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/STORM059/Resident.htm
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LuvTank1

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Reply with quote  #9 
Hi.  I am SO sorry for you loss, I just lost my best friend Tank 2 days ago.    Completely understand, I can't imagine sleeping well again without him to spoon with...he was a 70 pound English Bulldog, that was just so round and perfect to cuddle with.

I really hope peace and comfort for you, and know that Stormy wouldn't want you to be sad...we know there is no purer love.  Tank loved kitties, hope they make friends now.

Take care.

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Cammy Ripley
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Snowfire

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Reply with quote  #10 
May God send you a wonderful dream on your beloved Stormy to fill your heart. I wish for that for me as well. My Stormy, my Lady Sheena, my Puppers, my Bandita, my Timber ( who I just lost), my Misty, and all the others. Timber cremated day before anniversary of my dear moms passing.
Like I you did all possible on Earth for the ones we so dearly love. Never enough for me.
Your sweetheart so dear and how her life was with you so very sweet and special. I had that too. Let your family reach out to you, might be they are trying to give you space. I'm sure they love you very much and see your pain. I wish very best for you.
I lost my last one 4/23 so still fresh and very raw. I cry a lot too and at times only want to be with Katia mt young dog. She's been digging in my bedding looking for him and not there next to me or usually on my lap. My baby boy gone.
I truly believe in a higher power who gets our struggles, fears and especially pain. Wipe the tears away our Father.
Hang in there as we all are trying to do and know you are not alone.
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RavenHawke

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Reply with quote  #11 
I still go through that feeling of, did i do the right thing? Was she ready? Could I have waited? And its been over a year. We will never know, but what we do know is that they are in a better place, with God and other animals. They are pain free, young, and playing in beautiful green fields. And when they are there, they understand why we did what we did. They love us and will never resent us for helping them. Only people have that emotion.
I'm about to go through this all over again. And I keep telling myself all the things I just wrote here. It's still hard and the pain is always there (I know that doesn't help) but i have started to be able to laugh about my girl and all the silly things she did without crying. And that's a good thing. They dont want us sad. It's easier said than done, cause I'm a freaking mess right now even knowing all this. We will all meet again at that bridge. Life here is short here, we will have eternity with them when it's our time. I'm trying to live in the moment like they do. Every moment we have here goes by so quick and we cant get it back. Enjoy the small things, good memories, and soon you will see your baby again

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"Life is like a book. Some chapters are sad, some are happy and some are exciting. But if you never turn the page, you will never know what the next chapter has in store for you."
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AZTiger98

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Reply with quote  #12 
Mackysmum,

Thank you. Maybe one day I will reach the point of believing that what I did was for the best for Stormy. Unfortunately, I’m not there yet. But your messages on this post are a bright spot in the dark days. Thank you.

Cammy,

Tank sounds adorable...I’ve always liked bulldogs. :). Thank you for your encouragement. I find it so hard to smile right now. Woke up about an hour or so ago and started crying again. It seems like the pain will never end.

Snowfire,

I believe in that higher power as well, and I hold out hope of seeing all my beloved fur babies someday. I’m trying not to shut anyone out, but right now, it’s hard to do...the people here are the only ones I feel care sometimes. Thank you for your reassurance.

RavenHawke,

Thank you. I try to hold on to the good memories, but right now those are the memories making me sob in anguish. But maybe one day I can look back on it and smile. I’m sorry for your impending loss.

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David

Daddy to beloved fur baby Stormy
08/2003 - 05/19/18
Stormy’s Residency https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/STORM059/Resident.htm
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catiebee

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Reply with quote  #13 
Hi David, 

I'm deeply sorry for your loss of dear Stormy. Just a beautiful girl and she sounds so engaging and loving!  The grief is unbearable, let alone having complicated circumstances and strife surrounding your loss. It's awful that you have that whole additional layer of pain tearing at your heart--and that hurt sounds extremely deep. I wish there was something any of us could do or say that could help soothe your pain, but I know you have to find your way in all of this. My heart goes out to you!

I hope knowing others are listening compassionately and understanding how badly the grief hurts, will be some help. It's a long, hard road full of far too many tears. Try to take care of you in the midst of this pain and suffering, because it's draining and exhausting. 

Take all the time you need to process things.  We're all different and sometimes nothing at all brings any comfort for awhile, it just hurts so bad. I've been there and I know many here have lived through similar, where it felt like the grief would take us out. But somehow it didn't. You're in my thoughts.

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Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
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AZTiger98

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Reply with quote  #14 
Catie,

Thank you for your kind words. I wish my pain could be soothed as well, because right now it’s unbearable.

Yes, knowing others are listening and responding who have been down this same road helps a great deal. It’s definitely draining and exhausting. I feel like I have no energy. I’m honestly not sure how I’ve made it through the past 36 hours. And I have to go back to work tomorrow.

Thank you for keeping me in your thoughts. I won’t rush things with my grief...I just wish it didn’t hurt so much. But, I guess that’s the indicator of how much I loved Stormy.

David

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David

Daddy to beloved fur baby Stormy
08/2003 - 05/19/18
Stormy’s Residency https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/STORM059/Resident.htm
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Snowfire

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Reply with quote  #15 
Hi David. We are all thinking of you and others. My poor dog trying to take my cats place in chasing mice. Cats quieter about it for sure. I woke up again reaching for Timber. He always was here on my lap or next to me whenever we were together. All the vets loved him as so very mellow.
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