On my way home, I stopped at my baby’s favorite park. It’s right on our street, I pass it every day. It’s been enormously painful passing that park each day, seeing happy dogs trot and frolic with there pet parents. I sat for a few minutes. Sun in the sky, wind in the trees, blooming flowers and lush green grass. Their was life everywhere, I was so angry that I couldn’t walk him, that I couldn’t run with him into his favorite trail that envelops the park. All of the time spent there, probably thousands of hours. He was so patient when I started picking up trash their. He always met new dogs, chased small animals, nose to the ground always on the hunt. He was so tenacious and bigger than life. We’ve been to so many parks and long drives and special places. But this park is where we bonded exploring almost every day. Our ritual around 4:30. He would start to whine and walk over to his leash basket. The happiness that the sight of the leash and harness brought him was immeasurable. Jumping into the car, then before backing out giving me kisses to say thanks for getting him out of the house. Once we driving he would put his little paw on the window button and put it down for himself, his tail wagging sniffing the air for smells and animals. I thought we would of had another 3 years together. I’m so angry that I can no longer give my baby all of the walks, rides, playtime, treats, home cooked meals, scratches, naps, cuddles, kisses, parks, dental bones, holding him like my baby and rocking him. I can’t give those things. I can’t feel his soft fur. It’s a million little things I feel I took for granted. I assumed would always be there. Sitting outside the park, I read some Poems about grieving a pet. I read them out loud and the tears streamed down my face. I don’t think an ocean could fill the void left by my Baby Maxs passing. 
Laraine Esposito 
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I'm sorry for your loss. Kiki and I did everything together and it was very devastating when I had to euthanize her 6 months ago. I have grief relapses once a month since she has been gone. About two weeks ago I just bottomed out emotionally. I'm better now and you will be too as it takes time to adjust. 
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Dear Laraine, My deepest sympathy on the loss of your sweet boy! I read through your other posts about Max and the thing that stood out each time was how much you loved him. When we lose our fur babies (I’ve lost 2) we have to grieve and part of that means we examine everything. We think of anything we should have done to have saved them or what we didn’t do and that was to blame. In time, you realized that the thing that matters the most is the love that we gave them. Max knew how much you loved him. If he lived with the scar tissue it was because he wanted to live and be with you and he was happy. Grieving is the worst! It’s good that you came to this RB forum.  People understand the pain you are feeling and that is important because many people don’t. Unless you’ve experienced that deep connection with an animal it’s hard to imagine how devastating it is to lose it. Thinking of you and your wonderful Max! Hugs to you! 
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I really connected with your post about stopping at your baby's favorite park and feeling angry.  I have felt that way as well...the feeling that all I have left of my Quincy now is memories and there will be no more new memories is almost unbearable.  I would never trade the time we had with him to erase the pain I am feeling, but I selfishly wanted more time...sometimes it feels like a cruel joke that our fur babies don't live as long as we do.

I see people walking their dogs or hear dogs barking around the neighborhood and think to myself...'you people are so lucky that you still have your babies.'  It was a strange set of circumstances that brought Quincy into our lives and looking back it seems like it was meant to be...he was meant to be in our lives and he has changed us forever.  He was such a gift.

This especially is exactly how I've been feeling lately 'It’s a million little things I feel I took for granted. I assumed would always be there.'

I am so sorry for your is so clear from your words how much you loved your Max.  Take care.
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