julieandfurbabies
HI everybody. First of all I would like to thank you all for the tremendous help you have all given me through the past 9 1/2 weeks since my baby left for the bridge you have helped me through all the pain I have been feeling and I don't know where I would be without my dear friends on this forum

It will have been 10 weeks in the early hours of Monday morning that the love of my life left me.  For a little black bundle she had a massive heart and I miss her so much, it really does hurt without her.  I cannot bear to part with her bed which is lying in the corner of the living room and I try so hard to smell her on it but the smell of her has faded now.  I have her collars, toys, toothbrush,brush which still has some of her hair in and other little trinkets in a little memory trunk that I bought for her things but the smell seems to have disappeared from them too.

I keep thinking I am in a bad dream and that I will wake up and find mybaby here with me again.  I miss her so much, she was my soul mate and I cannot believe that she has gone. I keep pretending to myself that she has gone somewhere but will be coming back so she will need her bed.  I miss cuddling her, touching her and everything about her. she followed me everywhere and I had never been loved so much as that little ball of fluff loved me. I miss her so much the pain is still unbearable

My friend had put a tribute in the UK's DOGS TODAY magazine. If anyone has a copy she is on page 85 in the top right hand corner. I tried to take a photo of it so you could see. I thought that was lovely of my friend to do that and the words were lovely


      
Love Julie x
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Jimbo106

What a nice friend!

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judylinn

Dear Julie, I can hear your pain, and I can feel it for you and Gemma, and for Maddie as well. It's almost a year, and I haven't been able to put Maddie's things away. I have given lots to needy dogs I come accross, and to Jake...but her bowls are still up..Jakey use to use them when he came over, and now that he can't I haven't been able to put them away...so I do understand.  It really hasn't been that long, and like Maddie was my soul mate, Gemm is yours and you just don't get over that loss in such a short time. My love and prayers are with you. Judy

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heartsick
Dearest Julie,
That is the sweetest tribute to Gemma. How lovely of your friend to do this for you. I know your pain. Today is twelve weeks for me exactly. I just told someone that my life came to a screeching halt that night twelve weeks ago. Nothing is right in my world. Nothing feels right anymore and it seems I can't do anything right at all anymore - not without my Bear. I am thinking of you and Gemma with mounds of love in my heart for both of you.
I love you,
Susan
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julieandfurbabies
I'm lying in bed writing this on my blackberry and feeling so sad. I miss my baby so much tonight. I have her photo by my bed and when I look at that little sweet face I find it so hard to believe that she is gone. I looked after my friends two furbabies today so I was in doggy heaven today with four dogs to myself. We had such a nice day together but it would have been much nicer if my little Gemsie was here too. I hate the thought that she might be thinking wherever she is that I have forgotten about her. I will never forget my special girl she was my world. I hate the thought of her not being with me anymore its unbearable. I really don't want to get used to her not being here it seems so wrong. I can't stop crying tonight. I miss my baby so much. She was more than a dog to me she was my heart and soul and we loved each other so much. She doted on her Mummy and I know I was her everything too. Did she know she was going to have to leave me I wonder and does she blame me for leaving. I wonder what she is thinking now. Is she a tortured soul now too that we are apart. I really am finding it hard to live without my baby. Sorry I'm having a real tough time of it this evening. It will be ten weeks tomorrow or the early hours of Monday morning and the pain feels as though it was only yesterday again. Will it ever get any better?
Love Julie x
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judylinn
Dearest Julie...I promise you it does get better, but it really takes alot of time and grieving, when you love so deeply. Once beings of any kind cross, they are just at peace and free, it's us humans that have all the tortured feelings. though I have moments of deep sadness, I do better and better all the time, and you will too.
This is still very recent, and expect that somedays will be worse than others,  but know that you are not alone, and that each one of us is going through the same deep loss and grief. I was an absolute mess at 10 weeks..so be kind and patient with yourself.
I send you my love and prayers. Judy :)
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heartsick

Dearest Julie,

Yesterday was 12 weeks for me. Judy is so very right! You must be kind to yourself. In the scheme of grief 10 weeks is the blink of an eye. I wish I could hug you right now and just let you cry on my shoulder. You know I understand how you are feeling- that we ALL do. Gemma understands and LOVES you too. They know when their little bodies give out.

I think that you and I were given the ultimate gift of LOVE by the little LOVES of our LIVES. They chose to pass in our arms- with us -the one person in the entire world that they loved more than anything as we loved them.

Grief is what we the living are left with where those who have passed are only filled with LOVE.  It is the LOVE that is the most important thing in the world -Love connects us for all time to those who have passed and LOVE is what connects ALL of US together. I LOVE YOU. I am here for you and ALWAYS will be though I know that "here" is several thousand miles away. Though grief may take a full year for the worst to pass - it is always a part of you. You learn to breathe it and it gets into the marrow of your bones until you learn to be the person you will be - as you will never be the same as before - but you will survive this to live again - REALLY live - even with the grief. Once again Judy is right - it takes time and patience. If you were talking to me about my grief what would you tell me? Tell yourself the same. You are so kind and giving and loving - be those things to yourself - and when you cannot I am here. Gemma is always with you and always loving you-she made her own decision and holds nothing against you. It doesn't work that way. Love is what Gemma feels for you.
I love you too,
Susan

 

 

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Jimbo106
Julie; Gemma will always have your love with her and is not in any pain. She always knew you loved her; and always will. She's running with Jamie,Bear, Maddie, Miles, Sadie, and all the other furbabies. They'll keep each other company until we all meet again.

((hug))
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kathleens47

What a beautiful dog.  It is so hard losing a beloved pet, but I always try to just focus on the positive.  Think of the time you spent with Gemsie, Im sure you two had a blast and I am sure you gave all you could to Gemsie.  I beleive you will always miss Gemsie, but as the weeks go by it wont be as hard.  Remember we are all here with you.  My prayers go out to you also. 

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TomT
Dear Julie,

I try to remember that there is Nothing negative at all in the world where your Gemmy and my Starr are.  They rejoice in our happiness,  and do not see our sadness.  Please think,  When was Gemmy happiest?  It was when she saw YOU happy!  What made Gemmy smile?  It was YOUR happy smile!

I hope you are hanging in there ok.  Sincerely,  Tom T
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donnalee
Julie, it breaks my heart to hear the sadness in your post but, oh, so very understandable at 10 1/2 weeks.  I really do remember that pain and just hate that others have to go through it, but I know there is no way around it since it is part of the great love we shared with our wonderful babies.   As the others have vouched, I think we were all pretty much still a mess at 10 weeks.   I think Susan was right when she said it can take a full year to get through the worst of the grieving ......although, as she says, you never stop grieving really.  You somehow learn how to function with this new reality and go on, just looking forward to the day you see them again.   AT a year and 3 months, I still miss Scottie everyday and the tears can still flow at times, but it isn't the constant, intense pain that I felt the first 6 months or so.     At least, that was true for me.  I can tell you that it does get better, but to repeat it one more time, it really does take a lot of time as Judy said. 
I know you have had very comforting, encouraging words for others at this site.  Also, you have shared a lot of wonderful information from books and articles you have read.   I don't believe our furbabies are tortured as we are.   I had it explained to me one time, that they don't experience 'time' there as we do here.   For them, it is like you went to work or went to the store and they are waiting for you to come home.   They miss us and want to see us but they aren't tortured.  I don't know if that makes sense to you or not, but it did to me, and it helped me to stop worrying about what he might be experiencing.  They know they will see us again and are able to wait patiently. 
What a beautiful tribute your friend put in the paper.  It made me cry, it was so beautiful.  She was truly a little doll baby.  One can just see how totally lovable she was just be looking at her precious picture. 
You are in my thoughts and prayers.  I hope this week gets a little better for you and each week after that brings a little more comfort and peace.     
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julieandfurbabies

Thank you my darling friends, what on earth would I do without your reassurance and kind words. I would never know how I would have got this far without you.  Tonight would have been ten weeks since we went to sleep together and only I would wake up.  Tomorrow is going to be such a tough day as I am taking my other two furbabies to the vets for there annual booster injections, this will be the first time since I have been since i went to pick up Gemma's ashes so it is going to open up old wounds.  I still cant stand being without my baby.  I went to a dog show today with friends and my other two furbabies and I bumped into an old friend that I hadnt seen for ages she asked where Gemma was and I fought hard to hold back my tears.  I feel like I am standing on the edge of a cliff right now....trying to hang on with dear life and not cry and try and go on without my special girl. I still cannot get to grips with the fact that she isnt coming back to me, I will never be able to touch her again and hold her in my arms....the thought of the 'never being ables' chokes me up 

Love Julie x
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heartsick

Julie-

We ALL love you and are here for you. This is the most difficult thing to just get your head around and learn to live with. We ALL know and will be with you through it ALL. When someone -out of the blue - asks about Gemma that is one of the most difficult things. You can answer quickly and walk away. You can say something euphemistic like - I lost her. OR She is not here anymore. And then just say that you cannot speak of it right now and walk away. When taken by surprise or off your guard it is very difficult to navigate these questions. We will ALWAYS BE HERE FOR YOU!! Remember that you have us and we all understand. We all love you.

I care and I love you.
Susan
 

 

 

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julieandfurbabies
Thank you Susan, I love you too.  You have been such a rock through all this and I really appreciate your friendship.  You are going through such pain yourself after losing Bear but you always find time to help others you truly are amazing.
yesterday was pretty hard.  It was not only the 10th week since my loss but I had to take Muppet and fudge in for there annual boosters.  This would be the first time I had visited the vet since I went to pick up Gems ashes.  I really fought hard to hold back the tears when I saw the room where her little still body had laid on the table in the room (the door was open) it bought back all those horrible memories.  The receptionist closed the door.  Corine the vet said she was so pleased that I had not changed vets as most people usually do when they have had a bad experience.  She reassured me too that there was nothing more i could have done for little Gemma, the Cushings disease had got the better of her. Corrine used to call her 'Little Poppet' and had a soft spot for Gemma as she was such a little character. everybody that met her fell in love with her,I wish you could have all met her.  My life will never be the same again...me and Gemma were a double act and she was part of me, everyone knew we came as a package it was always me and Gems. I would take her to my Mums whenever I visited her in Derby they are devastated too as she was there Granddaughter.  I will be going there in a couple of weeks WITHOUT my Gemsie so its going to be hard.     
Love Julie x
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heartsick
I am ALWAYS HERE FOR YOU and so is Gemma.
I know what you mean about your parents. They came to Bear's funeral but I can't bring myself to take the 2 hour drive without Bear.
Love You,
Susan
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