skmk
It's been two months already since I lost my Dickens . I can't even remember those two months. The pain and anxiety is still bad. I'm afraid I won't get well. I have to force myself to do the things that have to be done. It's so hard to find help around here. It seems no one specializes in grief. I'm still trying to find a therapist who I think I can connect with and one that takes my insurance. I would have thought by now I would be better . It's so darn hard. I'm suffering so and it takes so long to find help by the time you call them and they may or may not get back to me. My nerves are so bad it's still hard to concentrate. I know my husband's whole family knows about my problem. Who knows what they're thinking. Probably think I'm a mental case. They don't communicate with me.
Dickens death has led to grief anxiety, depression.
They're talking to my husband about what they'll be doing for the holidays. I can't even think about that. I truly feel alone. Still don't have an appetite.
I feel like if my husband doesn't see me doing something or feeling better I feel guilty. I don't know if many of you have been this bad for this long.
Thank you for letting me vent,
Do you have any words of wisdom? It seems like I was making some progress weeks ago but now it's bad again. Getting so discouraged.
Thank you,
Susan

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Tankie12
Susan, you’re not alone. It doesn’t matter what those closest to you think, in your heart you lost a child, you are grieving. Would 2 months be a reasonable amount of time to come anywhere near ok? Nope. If their minds only go as far as the death of a dog I don’t even think 2 months is reasonable. You are soo not alone with this❣️
For us this is epic, it’s shaken us to the core and left our hearts a shattered mess. No appetite, no sleep, no concentration, no desire for anything, it’s grief in its most staggered way. Go easy on yourself, we won’t come out of this without scars, we’ll always have fresh tears to be shed and days that drop us to our knees, and someone here will always have fresh tissues and virtual hugs,,,,,
Lynn, Tankie’s mom, forever
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MAlcindor
Susan, I can tell you that you are neither crazy or alone. Many people just don't understand the bond we have with our babies. It is not "just a dog" or "just a cat". We do everything for them and they rely on us for their very existence. They are our children. If Dickens had been human, would they be thinking the same way? No. The species does not determine how you grieve, it is the bond you share. I know how difficult it can be to find a therapist or live support groups. I still have not found a therapist I can connect with and there are no live support groups where I live. This forum has been the only outlet for me, the only real support I have received. The only one in my family that understands is my son because he knows I love my babies like I love him. Even my husband has been very insensitive at times so I hide my grief from him. Just today I had a total meltdown when he left to go run errands. I sat on my bed holding their urns and looking at pictures of them. It has been almost 3 months since I lost Max and 2 since losing Bailey. Some days are better than others but the pain is still ever so present. Progress is different when it comes to this type of grief. We take 10 steps forward and 5 steps back. If venting on this forum is what helps you I encourage you to do so. Everyone here is going or has gone through the same type of pain you are experiencing. I'm sorry for your loss and from the bottom of my heart I really hope you start to feel better with the support of this forum. God bless you.
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Rookiesmama
Susan,
Lynn and Marlen said it all....I completely agree we make steps forward than bam! Backtrack. And the thing that really hurts (for me) is when i'm feeling at my worse, that's when I want my Rookie the most. Feeling his fur, just being near him. 💔 This is definitely a hard process that so many people don't understand- but everyone here does. Sending you hugs!!❤
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skmk
To my new friends Tankie12, Marlen and Rookiesmama,     Thank you so much for your kind and understanding words.  They comforted me when I needed it the most.  Marlen this forum has been the only outlet for me too.  The therapist I went to that one time I just couldn't go back to.  My gut told me she was not the one.  Tonight I wasn't able to hide my tears and my husband started yelling at me that if I keep breaking down I'll never get better.  I told him I had to let it out.   He's a good guy but just doesn't get it.  My mind sometimes just gets flooded with thoughts of Dickens and all his little quirks.  That's when the magnitude of what I've lost just brings me to my knees. 
You Marlen, Rookiesmama and Tankie 12 and all on this forum really understand and have gone through this grief that so many others do not understand.  I feel I fit right into this forum. I understand everyone's story. 
Thank you my friends,
I'm wishing you peace and blessings and sending hugs your way.
Susan
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MAlcindor
We are here for each other. ❤️❤️
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Rookiesmama
skmk wrote:
That's when the magnitude of what I've lost just brings me to my knees./>Susan


Susan, it takes away your breath, doesn't it? Sometimes I still find myself in disbelief that this is my new normal.

Thank you for your kind words. This forum and "speaking, " to all of you has been such a relief. ❤❤
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Tankie12
This is what Ginny, the founder, intended. A safe zone, and it truly is. And I think this in its own gentle way is therapy for us. You can say all the right words and have a degree in human behavior and apply all the coping skills but if you haven’t lived it I don’t know how you can relate to the loss of animal soulmates. So we come here to grieve but we also step outside ourselves and lend a hand along the way because we fully empathize with the pain we read in every written word🐾,,,,,
Lynn, Tankie’s mom, forever
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