lilRicksmom
I lost my best friend in the world in July, it's been 5 months now and I still feel so broken. I cry every day, I feel like my life stopped when I heard the news about my little Rick. I've suffered a lot of human loss, from ex boyfriends and high school friends to grandparents and cousins but this grief over Ricky is unrelenting. He was only 6 when he was hit by a car while being cared for by some friends while I was on vacation. Losing Rick was the hardest loss I've ever experienced and I have had a lot of support from family and friends, yet every day still feels like the day I found out. There are nights where I feel so heartbroken that if I sleep I just won't wake up. I got Rico (his real name) when I was 17 and going through a really hard time. I visited him constantly before I could take him home, we knew the breeders well and when Cleo got pregnant with just one puppy (he's a purebred chihuahua) they thought it would be nice for me to have him because they knew I would give him the love and attention he would desire. Rico was with me through everything, my high school graduation, the start of college, the ending of 2 long term relationships, a rough bout with depression and eating disorders, 2 cross-country moves, all of it. No matter what I was going through I he was sitting on my lap and giving me kisses and licking up my tears and cuddling up to me every night. We were so close, I don't have words for the bond I felt with him. He was an excellent judge of character and up for anything as long as I was with him. He put up with endless sweaters, tshirts, hoodies and Halloween costumes. He was so sweet, we were inseparable, I used to cry just leaving him for small vacations. Now I feel stuck. I could never imagine life without him, we took long walks almost daily, we were never in different rooms of the house if I was in the kitchen he was next to me, if I was in my room he was too (even if he could smell someone making food downstairs, he was a professional beggar). It doesn't feel right that he's not here, I'm 23 now and I had been planning on Rico and I being together for another 14 years. I did everything to keep him healthy because I knew he was my lifeline, I imagined him at my wedding and having kids who got annoyed that I loved my dog so much. I don't know what to do anymore, my grief feels inappropriate because he was a dog, we didn't even speak the same language! just listened to each other and loved each other and tried to make everything better for the other one the best way we knew how. It feels so unfair that you can love someone as much as I love Ricky and they can still be taken away at any time. I can't believe I'm going to have people come into my life who never knew Rico, he's such a huge part of me it doesn't feel right. I feel like the guy I'm dating will never really know me because he's never met Rico, he's never seen our bond, he's never gotten Rico's approval in the form of him choosing to sleep on his legs at night instead of mine. I'm so hurt and so broken and I've tried so hard to be okay and it's still not happening.
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shantismom
So heartbreaking to read your post but so familiar also.  Many people here have suffered that same loss and feel the way you do.  I posted recently that I thought of digging up my Shanti just to see him again and he had been dead for over a month, so I know the desperation you are feeling.
I will pray for you that God will bring you comfort.
I am so sorry you lost your little Ricky.  I will tell you that having gone through this heartbreak myself before,that in time it will get better.  How long I don't know, I think alot of think we will never get over it but I know that we will.

I always say that to have had that love it is worth the grief.
Marlene Wagner
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Dalidog
I'm so sorry for the loss of your Ricky.  There is nothing as heartbreaking as the loss of a forever pet.  You said you didn't speak the same language...but you did.  You took care of each other and both had unconditional love for each other.  That's what we do for that forever pet.  Grieve in the way that you need to, never let anyone tell you he was "just a dog", (he isn't!) and take all the time you need.  I have found that writing to my baby, singing to her, sleeping with her picture, releasing balloons with notes to her, and writing a story of her life and making a scrapbook help me cope, but NOTHING makes it better because it can't get better....you can't get them back.  Losing one suddenly like that or in any fashion always leaves us with the "what ifs"  and I'm sure you like everyone else has them.  They don't help, they just make us more sad.  It is so hard to live without that little pet always being there.  I call my Dali over and over every day, but there is no answer.  She has sent signs, so I hope your Ricky will send you some.  I know they are okay and will be waiting for us.  I didn't believe all of this until my Dali sent me signs and I really felt it and knew what was real.  When you can, post pictures of your Ricky, tell us about your baby, share your experiences.  We love to hear them.  Take care of yourself and hugs to you and Ricky

Dali, as much a daughter as any human...  pure love
Until we meet again

http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/DALI003/Resident.htm

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lilRicksmom
I appreciate the support and understanding so much. It's hard at my age, all my friends have had family pets but few people my age had the opportunity to bond with a dog that was exclusively theirs since they were a teenager. I'm so happy I was told about this site.
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Leahbeahis
lilRicksmom, I'm so sorry you have lost little Ricky. Your post brought me to tears because it hits so close to home. I lost Lucy to an accident and I have gone through many of the same thoughts you have. I brought Lucy home for the first time when I was 18 and my husband (boyfriend at the time) was joining the military. She was with me through so much, just like Rick was there with you. My son, who's not yet 2 won't remember her. My unborn child will never meet her. It's so sad. Chihuahuas are very protective over their humans and it was so sweet of Rick to protect you and be a good judge of character for you. If he was anything like Lucy, he'd die trying to protect you, no matter how big the "opponent" was. Little Ricky wasn't just a dog, he was your best friend. It isn't hard to grieve intensely over someone who meant that much to you, someone who gave you fierce loyalty and unconditional love day after day after day. Keep writing about your baby, we will be here. Wishing peace to you tonight.
~ Leah
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loft2111
Ricky is so cute. Your post touched on so many of my feeling. I too imagined my little man around while I went through the stages of my life. The loss of our babies is devastating and for me not getting any easier. We are all here for you and going through the same emotions. Take care. Little Man's mom
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becksancokes
Im feeling the same. Had to let my baby boy cola go who didnt live to even 2 years. I had the same bond with him and he was a cat. He followed me everywhere and was happiest sitting with me even in the garden. He supported me through my relationship break up and if i cried he would come sit with me. I miss him so much. The kids pulled him about and dressed him up and he never scratched them or hurt them. I think he secretly loved it. I too feel just like you. I imagined having him when my three kids were all grown up and gone. His life was cut too short and a light went out in my world that night. Keep holding on and waiting for a sign. Im sure i heard his bell the other night. I cant even bear to see his muddy prints on the cat flaps so your not alone. Keep talking on here and we will hold your hand through this.
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