BorderCollieLover Show full post »
BoxerMomForever
Gucci,   So good to hear from you.

Deborah,  Please don’t apologize, we are here to listen always.  I can relate. That is normal. When Lily passed I kept replaying that day how she wasn’t good and the night we brought her to vet to say goodbye.  Even though it was peaceful and my vet was awesome. I kept reliving that final moment over and over again.  It was awful. I just wanted my brain to stop thinking of that final moment.  Then I said to myself, I have to remember all the good times over the years not her final moments.  I love to look at her photos but it does make me sad in her final year, I didn’t realize how her look was different in photos last year.  I never realized it at the time, she was ill.  

This forum is a huge help.  Everyone is so understanding.  many people in our lives just figure we are fine and have moved on.  Sadly that’s not true.  

Gracie4ever, So sorry for your loss. I too felt rushed on our end, Lily was suffering and we too didn’t want her to endure anymore discomfort.

Jennifer, so sorry for your loss.

Jim ~ I’m starting a yoga class tomorrow, first time.  I’m hoping it will help me..... 
Linda *Mom to two boxer angels* Lily {White Girl} 6/22/09 - 10/14/19  ** Ginger {Flashy Fawn Girl} 6/4/97 - 5/28/09
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Gracie4ever
 Letting the tears flow is a purging of the emotions and perfectly fine. It's a sign of emotional strength. 
 

Jim, thank you for all of your posts...so comforting. We truly do bring comfort to each other, here. I can't watch anything with animals, either, it just hits too too close to home. Sometimes a movie will say something that makes me think of my girl and I'm bawling. I tried joining a few Facebook groups for pet loss but because they are full of pictures and memes and sayings...it was just too much. Every night I try to be alone with my thoughts and read things here in support groups or about pet loss and I just cry and cry...as painful as it is, it is necessary and helps us to relieve a bit of the stress. Thank you for being someone in the forums that brings such comfort to others.

Susan
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Gracie4ever

Gracie4ever, So sorry for your loss. I too felt rushed on our end, Lily was suffering and we too didn’t want her to endure anymore discomfort.
 

Thank you for your message, dear. I really appreciate it. You truly know my pain. You are so right that we need to remember the lives we gave them. That's what they will remember. They know we loved them. I think the yoga class will help you! I've heard lots of good things about that for relaxation and stress release. I meet with a Trauma Counselor tomorrow. I hope that will help me. Sometimes I just want to get knocked out for a while to forget the pain...but that is not the best option. Linda, sometimes people in our lives, well at least in mine, I can tell them a little bit, one time or two times..but after that I feel they just don't care to hear it. At these in these forums we can post things and people understand...and we can even find those who have similar experiences and it forms a comfort circle for us.
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Gracie4ever

P_Mom wrote:

 

We both obviously loved our fur babies a great deal, so I will tell you and then try to apply it myself, too. Animals are notorious for hiding pain. If you and I couldn’t see it, and even my vet didn’t see things in her cat, it just shows how impossible it is to know, sometimes. Key thing is, when we saw proof, we put our babies first, as should be, and put their needs ahead of ours. Hugs.

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BorderCollieLover
Susan, Deborah & Jennifer:

I read all of your posts from yesterday. It is truly amazing that we can all come together here on this Forum and share stories, express our grief and not worry about what anyone thinks. No doubt about it, we all need to get all of our angst, sadness and feelings of uncertainty out into the open where we can heal. I have always maintained that unless you are open to doing this, all  these pent-up emotions will eventually surface, often with dire consequences. For example, we can all know someone who never seems to cry after a tragedy, or can't talk about it and buries their feelings under a thinly veiled veneer of denial. That can't last forever. Those emotions will come to the surface - either sooner or later. Your mind will not let you escape these feelings. That's why its always best to convey your feelings. It's emotionally and physically healthy. You will always feel better after a good talk (or cry). Yes, it takes courage to share intimate feelings with people that you don't know personally but sometimes it is good therapy. I know it has helped me immensely. 
Some months back, I recall one Forum member (can't remember their name) posted that "this Forum is very helpful - but it is depressing."  I completely disagreed with their comment then and I completely disagree with it now. I have read countless posts of people sharing wonderful memories of their precious pets.that have taken precedence over the other sobering accounts of their fur babies in decline. Personally, I choose to dwell on the positive aspects of our special relationship with them. I guess the take home message is this: There is hope. You can deal with your grief and then heal. It takes a lot of time but it is possible. 

Warmest regards.
Jim
Jim Miller
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Gracie4ever
 I guess the take home message is this: There is hope. You can deal with your grief and then heal. It takes a lot of time but it is possible. Jim
 Dear Jim, thank you so much for your post. It's really true. I know that when I first came to these forums, all I talked about was my regrets and guilt. Sometimes there are fresh waves of guilt, new thoughts that come to mind. This is a safe place to express them. But also slowly, very slowly...I am starting to encourage others and see little rays of positive thoughts that strike me. I think we go through the ebbs and flows of grieving on this forum and this is a safe place to both grieve and support each other. I know you have encouraged a lot of people here! Keep up the good work and from the bottom of my heart, thank you!! Thank you for your encouragements, they are really reassuring. "It is possible"...somehow says SOOOO much! It is soothing to hear those words from someone who has been through it, and I can't hear them enough! I really appreciate the support you give to all of us!

Susan
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kanjay
Jim.    After reading your post about how it takes courage to share intimate stories with people we do not know I hope I have the courage to share with you and others on this forum what happened  the night  I lost  my Sadie  girl.   Sadie had a few ailments one of which was immune  related  rhintis which she had been prescribed a medication  for about 2-3 years ago.  There was also talk of a tumor in her chest determined  by xray..   The night before Sadie  passed  she ate a big meal.  The next day she did not want  to eat and seemed to have congestion  in her throat so I gave her one of the meds I talked about  earlier.    She  also had pain meds so I gave her that.  That night I noticed  her respirations increasing but she seemed  to sleep ok. She would lay on blankets  next to my chair.   I picked  her up for awhile but she always  was more comfortable  on her blankets so I laid her down and she slept.  I fell asleep, woke up 15 minutes  later  and she was  5 feet away  from  me on her side on the carpet.   I picked her up  as she took het last breath.  I don't  know if I killed my own dog by giving her meds and acting like a dr.    I am beyond grief of falling asleep and not having  her in my arms.  The guilt is immense 
When I Iook back I remember  seeing  something  in her eyes.   I was just too stupid to see it.i know this post is long and I apologize.   I just needed to tell someone.  To Sadie:I am so sorry. 
Deborah Owens
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P_Mom
Dear Jim, thank you so much for your support and allowing us to comment on your thread, especially considering this milestone on the loss of your own dog - you're here comforting others. ❤ It's true this is helpful. For me, I have so much guilt (though up to my boy's passing 'thought' I was doing everything right) that it helps to know others have experienced something similar with their pup or cat, or their feelings.  I'm also learning a lot to help me better with my second pup.  

Deborah - while I'm no Vet, it sounds like there was something already going on with your Sadie. I don't think 1 dose of an already prescribed medication would harm your dog.  And the pain meds I've given my boy are typically fine with other meds (he was on both heart meds and pain meds for arthritis.) To me, this seems coincidental. We all look back in hindsight, trust me - there are so many things that are clear to me now. It was like I literally had blinders on. As Jim mentioned, we are dealing with our grief now and unfortunately this clarity seems to be part of it. Big hugs to you and all on this thread. ❤
Jennifer
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kanjay
Jennifer. Thank you for listenimg to me
 I just had to get it out.   Eveeyone is dealing with their own grief and I feel bad to add to it.  Your words are comforting to me
   Thank you
Deborah Owens
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kanjay
Jim.  I realized I put this on your post.  When I think of it, it's  probably no good anywhere.  I know you just passed your 1 yr mark.   I am sorry.  DEBORAH
Deborah Owens
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BoxerMomForever
Good morning ~ yes this is a nice circle of friends who are going through the same and to lend support!

Jim ~ I loved yoga! So good for your mind and body.  I had a very good instructor that said I did great for a beginner as it was an all level class.  I will try two others with different instructors but I think I’m going in Tuesday’s in the future.  Was a positive experience.

I have a hard time with summer ending and going into Fall. This year especially, losing my Lily in October. I’ve been putting my fall decorations out and it’s bringing back sad memories, my girl was real sick this time last year.   Most of all I will miss the beautiful fall photos I took of her. 02856F94-74C9-4F7B-8A1F-7DC092140D71.jpeg This photo was from 2016, she was very photogenic 
Linda *Mom to two boxer angels* Lily {White Girl} 6/22/09 - 10/14/19  ** Ginger {Flashy Fawn Girl} 6/4/97 - 5/28/09
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BorderCollieLover
Susan:
I plan on staying on this Forum for a while. Since so many people helped me out when I was really hurting, I want to return the favor by lending an attentive ear to whoever needs to vent. That's not to say that I am not hurting now, because I still have periodic episodes of really missing Shelby.  But I am at least able to function at a fairly high level despite being without the single most thing that I loved in this crazy world. My love for her will never, ever diminish. I had Shelby from puppy-hood (age 8 months) through age 18. That's a long time. We had so many adventures together that I lost count several years ago. Maybe, one day I will be able to talk freely about Shelby at great length without breaking down. I am not at that point right now. 

Deborah:
Thank You for sharing your story on Sadie. For starters, you didn't do anything wrong. There's no way that you could've known that she would have developed an adverse reaction to any medication that you gave her. You were only doing what you felt was right. Your feelings of guilt are certainly normal but not justified. You did the absolute best that you could under some very trying circumstances. Please don't beat yourself up over this. Sadie was in very competent hands (I mean you) and she loved you for it. I read somewhere that forgiveness is the key to true understanding and healing. The concept is an interesting one. When we say that we have forgiven someone or, even, ourselves, we have essentially not let let them off the hook - we have let ourselves off the hook. Not carrying all that excess baggage (anger, feelings of revenge, etc.) goes a long way in healing our own self. Do I practice the concept of forgiveness? Not always, to be honest. I still have some residual rage against the veterinary profession in general. I don't like the fact that they don't always give the best advice. Many times, their suggestions of giving harsh drugs, vaccines, refined foods to my dog were not well received on my end. When Shelby passed away, I was rushed out of the office by an insensitive vet technician. I still seethe over that. I am working on forgiving the vets and their staff but I am not there yet. I guess I'm a works in progress.

Jennifer:
As you said, it is good to support one another. I think we all gather strength when we unite and share feelings and memories of our beloved babies. Feel free to say whatever you want when you post here. It's all part of the healing process. I hear a lot of people say that they still have regrets. That they should've done things differently. That's called the bargaining phase of grief. What if I had done things differently, would there have been a better outcome? Maybe, maybe not. I still struggle with that. We are all imperfect beings just trying to do the best we can. Give yourself a lot of credit, you did a wonderful job with your pet. 

Linda:
Great picture of Lily. You were right, she was very photogenic. Thank You for sharing. Good Luck with your yoga classes.

Angelina:
It is so true that little things evoke memories of our babies when we least expect it. Just yesterday morning, I turned on the TV when I first got up. There was a movie starting as I turned on my computer. This was very old movie made in the days of early talkies. So, I figured that I would watch a little bit while I prepared breakfast and surfed the web. As it turns out, there was a Border Collie (Doctor) who had a prominent role in this movie. I was immediately interested. The theme of the movie was that a gangster had killed the father of the leading character's girlfriend. The leading character was a young guy, about (17), who had aspirations of becoming a detective. His sidekick was Doctor (Border Collie). The whole plot revolved around the young guy trying to  find out who killed his girlfriend's father. The suspect had very cunningly avoided detection by the local law enforcement. That is, until Doctor sniffed him out (literally). The suspect became enraged and picked Doctor up and threw him out  the door. The young Boy ran over to Doctor and started crying "Doctor, he's crippled you. MG !" I knew this was only a movie but I was still freaking out. Fortunately, Doctor was okay. He was only dazed and got up and ran away. In the end, the suspect was nabbed by the law. Doctor and the young Boy were reunited. I  guess the point that I was trying to illustrate is that this was only a fictionalized, Hollywood movie and I was really affected by this. I had never heard of this movie before. After it was over, I checked  to see if Doctor was listed in the credits. He wasn't. What a remarkable specimen. he was. It gave me a good feeling that good triumphed over evil in this move, something that doesn't always happen in real life. 

Fondly,
Jim






Jim Miller
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BoxerMomForever
Hi Jim ~ I plan on sticking around.  I too feel I need give support to others.

Oh my, I didn’t remember you were rushed out of office after Shelby’s passing. How insensitive was that vet technician.  I’m shaking my head here.....sorry it was that way at end and to be honest I don’t think I would ever return there.  
Linda *Mom to two boxer angels* Lily {White Girl} 6/22/09 - 10/14/19  ** Ginger {Flashy Fawn Girl} 6/4/97 - 5/28/09
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kanjay
Jim  First of all let me say thank you for all of your support.  Reading here you are going to stick around on this forum for awhile after a  year is commendable. On the issue of forgiveness I don't see that happening for me.  Guilt and forgiveness are concepts are I can't even comprehend right now.  It doesn't seem right to burden you and others with my issues after you have been through so much.  The night I lost Sadie my world stopped.  It is too much to bear.   People say give it time or get another dog or she is gone and that's that.  I have had to put distance between myself and these people.  Sadie came here to live when she was 6 weeks old and 4lbs.   I was blessed to have her 15yr4mo..   I can't talk anymore about her right now.    I just know I miss her so very much.  Anyway thank you again for your support.  One thing that keeps me sane is I know with my entire being I will see her again when I pass.  My heart goes out to you and Shelby.  Respectfully Deborah
Deborah Owens
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BorderCollieLover
Linda:

When the vet technician rushed me out of the office that fateful day last year, it was just another in the long line of indiscretions that we pet parents have had to endure from a profession that is at least (40) years behind the times. I have always been suspicious of vet's motives but certain things that happened over the course of Shelby's life have now confirmed what I thought to be true. Plain and simple, they give bad advice. Early on in their care of Shelby, I got into a rather intense discussion with the vet about pet nutrition. The vet thought that Shelby was too thin and I should begin adding more calories to her diet. She recommended something called Hill's Science Diet which, so conveniently is sold in her office, is highly refined and nothing that I was going to feed my dog. I told the vet that I was feeding her home cooked and a raw diet. Her response was this "You know, Jim, the large pet food producers spend scads of money to try and put out a nutritious, balanced food for your dog."  I told her that I had been researching pet food for a lot of years and nearly everyone, including naturopathic vets, think that Hill's Science Diet is nothing but cheaply refined grains coated with laboratory grade preservatives. She didn't like my answer. I didn't want to pursue the debate, since I was there to give Shelby her yearly checkup. It became abundantly clear to me that this woman didn't know the 1st thing about pet nutrition. Absolutely nothing. As the years rolled by, Shelby's health remained good. So good, in fact, that I was considering skipping the yearly vet checkups and only calling them if something came up. I had to laugh when I'd receive something called "A Wellness Program" for your dog from the vet's office. When I dug a little deeper, I uncovered the exact components of their so called health checkup.including treating allergies with shots, mitigating bacteria with strong antibiotics and pushing vaccines to help attenuate viruses and other microbials. I did agree to the vaccines in the beginning but then I found out that they often do more harm that good. Vaccines contain something called adjuvants. These are ingredients (aluminum, dead fetal tissue, other viruses, etc. added to the cocktail that are designed to elicit a strong response from the immune system. They not only elicit a response, they make the immune system  hyper -sensitive, which, can sometimes cause it to malfunction. Also, the idea that aluminum (a neuro-toxin even in trace amounts) is present in the vaccines made me a believer that it was not something that I was going to give my dog anymore. I could cite many other examples of vets doling out bad advice but I think everyone gets the idea. Shelby lived a long life because of the care that I gave her - not anything that the allopathic veterinary community recommended. Oh, before I forget, I'll never set foot in that vet's office again. Sure, most vets are the exact same way. We all know that. The big difference now is that I am armed with a lot of knowledge and I won't fall for their bad, profit-driven advice anymore. If it sounds like I'm on a crusade against the veterinary profession - I am not. I simply don't want anyone's pet to suffer unnecessarily because of misguided advice. 

Warmest regards,
Jim
Jim Miller
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