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Marlene8817

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Reply with quote  #76 
Oh Onyx is so beautiful, such soulful eyes...must have been such a presence in the house.  Molly gave kisses too, but only if she felt like it, sometimes she would just turn her head, it made me laugh!  I see clients at my house and she would go out and greet them, bring them in and then just go into her bed, she was the best! Such a presence in my work world too, it's been so hard.  
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Marlene Weber
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Basenji

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Reply with quote  #77 
I find it impossible to sleep more than a few hours and then I can't stand to be in the same bed that Bugsy and I shared for 17 years and have to get up and out of the bedroom. Once I get out, for what seems like an eternity, I panic and feel like I can't breath. Yesterday, after jumping out of bed at 1:30, I found an article titled "Sleep and Grief". After reading it I didn't get back to sleep but I did gain some little understanding. It includes "10 Better Sleep Tips for Grief" and a "Resources for Those Who Lost a Pet" section at the end.
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Bugsy
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BorderCollieLover

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Reply with quote  #78 
Bugsy:

  Yep, same for me too. Some nights I sleep Ok. Then, I don't sleep well for a few nights. Never know what to expect. Major life style changes (like losing a pet) can do that. I'm going to check out that article. Thanks for sharing.

Jim

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Jim Miller
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Michelemh

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Reply with quote  #79 
I could not sleep at all in the beginning. This will be week 8 coming up. Sometimes I still don't sleep well. I have a problem in the morning often. I get up and she is not there. I see her bed and her toys which I still want to keep there. I remember how happy I was to see her in the morning laying there. I start to panic and can't breath. I leave the bedroom. Sometimes I feel better and sometimes I don't. It just depends on the day. I spend a good amount of time upstairs and see her bed. It is hard. I was just changing some clothes in my drawer next to her bed and I remembered how happy I used to be with her laying there.
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BorderCollieLover

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Reply with quote  #80 
Michele:

  Same here. I was starting to sleep much better then within the last few weeks I have relapsed. Some nights are Ok; others not so good. I wake up thinking about Shelby and I can't get back to sleep. One step forward and two steps back. Yes, the herbs and natural supplements can be helpful. I just never know what to expect. Like I told Cory: It's OK Not To Be OK. 

Jim

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Jim Miller
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CatVigil

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Reply with quote  #81 
Jim,

Have you tried CBD oil to help with your sleep?
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BorderCollieLover

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Reply with quote  #82 
CatVigil:

 I used to give my dog CBD oil. Personally, I have never used it. I've been using Passionflower, Skullcap, Lemon Balm and other herbs to help with sleep. They do seem to help but I think my stress level is high right now. I may try the CBD oil. Thanks for the tip.

Jim

  

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Jim Miller
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Mistysmama

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Reply with quote  #83 
Sleep seems such a solid thing when all is well, a natural easy thing to do. But when all isn't well deep down in our feelings, it becomes a more fragile thing doesn't it?

I get exactly the same things happen to me as described here -even now. Good solid sleep for a week or more, then suddenly fragmented sleep, or not being able to go to sleep until 2-3am !
I can't blame it on my girl....but I guess it is my deep-down response to things not really being as well as I'd like them to be since she left....
And yes, even now I still get that "hollow place" feeling when I look at her part of our bed and do all the familiar things of getting to bed, etc. i.e. No Dog.

But secretly there, in her little place underneath, is a second cover which I never ever washed and which still has her scent on it ! If things get really very hollow, I take a deep breath of it and close my eyes, and I think it brings me closer to her in my mind.

I am retired so could literally sleep when I like, which I know doesn't apply to everyone. But that makes no difference to how I feel. And I never was a daytime napper, so what I don't get at night -I completely do without.

But not having the pressure on me to have to sleep, and wake at a set time, I now allow these things to happen, and know there's not much I can do to stop it. I have got used to the new shape of how I feel, I guess. I don't like it but have got used to it. And that's something I think which comes after a while. It's not something we can do at first. It's too upsetting at first.

Anyway I find things which have a hope of comforting me in the  middle of the night. I put the 24 hour radio classical music station on. I read stories about dogs. I eat toast and brew coffee. (caution to the wind! lol), put a log on the woodburner.
I fall back into bed exhausted, send my dog Soul Love, and most often so crash, I fall asleep instantly then.

But I do still feel that unease sometimes in the nights, even now.

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Hold the love like a little light. It is all you have, or will ever have, to find your way home.

Misty's Blog..a Dogfight with Cancer http://www.mistysblog69.blogspot.co.uk

Misty's life after death: http://www.dog2spirit.com
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BorderCollieLover

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Reply with quote  #84 
Mistysmama:

  I think that's a beautiful sentiment taking a breath of Misty's undercover blanket on your bed. You said it still has her scent on it. I like that. I would probably be doing the same thing if Shelby has occupied my bed with me. She was independent and liked to sleep out in our living room, or on occasion she would sleep right outside my bedroom door. But almost never on my bed. I slept better last night but it took me a long time to doze off. I drank some Rose Hips herbal tea before bed and thought it would be calming. I may be under more stress than I care to admit as I think the tea may have stimulated my nervous system. Something it probably would not have done had I been in a calmer state of mind (and body). I still like the herbal supplements that I'm taking  They do seem to help. Certainly not a panacea but they do work if given a chance. I may also have been over-stimulated by a surprise visit I got yesterday afternoon. One of my friends (John) stopped by impromptu to tell me that his 25 year marriage had dissolved.His wife had left him for someone else.  He was really hurting. He really needed someone to talk to. I stopped working on the computer and gave him my full, undivided attention. He did all the talking (venting); I did all the listening. After he finished venting, I was tempted to tell him about Shelby but decided it was not the right time or place to do so. This was totally unexpected and it may have really put my nerves on edge (nerves that are already on edge). My friend is now officially in grieving mode. I hope he finds some peace. It really is true. Grieving is very taxing. It can be all consuming, overwhelming and send you into a tail-spin with no end in sight. Tomorrow will be (8) weeks since my little girl and I were separated. I still miss her tremendously. My love for her is as strong as ever. Shelby was a "once in a life-time dog." 

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Jim Miller
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Michelemh

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Reply with quote  #85 
Jim - Sorry to hear about your friend. I was up late also last night. I didn't get to sleep until about 2:00. Then of course get up late.

My dog did not really have a smell for some reason.  Her collar doesn't smell either. Another reason she seemed perfect. I can still smell her on her bed and a pad that was on her bed the last few weeks. Mine never stayed in our bed either. She would lay on it then when it was time for bed she liked to lay on her bed in our room. She was very loving but never liked to cuddle. But wanted to be near you all the time. She was old for so long since she lived until just 18. The last few years she could no longer jump up or down from the bed or couch.

Marlene - Mine never really gave kisses much either. I thought she was trying to give me kisses years ago then after a while I figured out she was really just trying to smell my breath to see if I had something to eat! I thought it was very funny and made me laugh. It took me a long time to figure it out. Then I would tell her you are pretending to give me kissed but really just looking for some food. She loved to eat. She ate up until her last minute. That was her.
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Marlene8817

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Reply with quote  #86 
Hi Mistysmama, thank you for your post..I too have her blanket that I have not washed yet and sleep with it on me.  Having a bad morning, it's been 9 weeks and I just can't take this pain, it overwhelms me.  How long ago did your baby leave?  I just don't know what to do..

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend Jim, that is so devastating, especially if it was just out of the blue and he had no idea, I could not imagine.  Thankfully you were there for him when he needed you, that's very important.  We are all going through some kind of pain, loss is so devastating, it's so final.  It's hard to cope.  

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Marlene Weber
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Michelemh

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Reply with quote  #87 
Hi Marlene - Having a sad day also. It is 8 weeks today. I keep thinking of how much more happy life was when she was here. Everything was better. I knew I would feel this way when she passed away. You can't get around the feeling of loss. I worry I won't find that happiness again.
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Marlene8817

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Reply with quote  #88 
I'm sorry Michele, I know...it comes in waves still..I've been crying non stop today...I don't know if this pain will ever go away..
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Marlene Weber
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BorderCollieLover

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Reply with quote  #89 
Mistysmama, Marlene and Michelle:

  Today is (8) weeks since my little girl was separated from me. The pain is still intense. I want to post some pictures of my Shelby but its too soon to look into her photo album and share them with everyone. I'll do it once I feel better about things - whenever that may be. Yeah, the sleep thing is a real challenge. Some nights I sleep Ok, then my sleep pattern is erratic for a few nights after that. I never know what to expect. I've been reading some grief books (there are lots and lots of them) and have come to the conclusion that there is no easy fix. I think time is the  best healer. I have to deal with a lot of people each day in my line of work and it can be difficult. My one saving grace is that I work at home and can set my own hours. Unfortunately, I still have to be alert and on the ball or things can get out of hand rather quickly. The disturbed sleep pattern doesn't exactly help things. It used to be great having Shelby at my side while I worked. She would hang out in our living room and keep me company. I would take a break and take her for a walk or just let her out into our back yard. Even as an older dog she would start barking at the dogs next door (Wrigley & Taser) while looking out our living room window and entertain me. It was the best. I really miss our time together. 

Jim

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Jim Miller
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Bailey15

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Reply with quote  #90 
Hi Jim,
Shelby sounds like such a beautiful little soul. 8 weeks is still such a very short time. Be kind to yourself .. grieving is so difficult! I’m so sorry for your loss!
MJ
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