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Marlene8817

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Reply with quote  #46 
Yes, exactly, I take a step forward and 2 steps backward....just so lonely without her sweet face here...today is rough...
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Marlene Weber
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Michelemh

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Reply with quote  #47 
I really don't sleep well still since she passed away either. I wasn't sleeping well before she passed away since she would wake up at different times. If I wake up, I can't get back to sleep often. I think of her and how is it possible she is not here anymore. Then like everyone else the morning she is not here. My days are the same. Sometimes I feel fine but then the next minute it hits me and I can't breath. It can happen every day or different times of the day.
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Michelemh

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Reply with quote  #48 
Marlene - I have those days and times of every day also. I hope you feel a little better tomorrow.
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Michelemh

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Reply with quote  #49 
Hope everyone is well. I had a few good days. Then today I woke up and just started missing my dog so much. It got worse and I couldn't breath, started crying. I ran outside to sit near her area we buried her. We sat out there often before she passed away. Tonight I feel the same sad feeling. I just can't believe I won't ever see her again. I look at her pictures and she just looks so real like I could touch her but I can't. I think of all the memories of each picture. This is week seven. I miss her so much.
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BorderCollieLover

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Reply with quote  #50 
Michele:

  I hear you loud and clear. I still miss my dog so much. This past weekend I went to visit her at Abbey Glen Memorial Park. I just broke down and wept uncontrollably. It was very emotional. When I got home I went to visit Chocolate and Oreo (Border Collies. Both males. Both 7 years old). They really lifted my spirits. It was just what I needed. 
I know that you really miss your beloved dog. Just shows how special your relationship was. I have  found that many people in our lives just can't handle our grief. They panic. They are uncomfortable with our feelings Some people that I reached out to just didn't respond. They probably can't come to terms with certain things (like losses) in their own lives. How can we expect them to handle our grieving when they can't handle their own? Your periodic crying is perfectly normal and healthy. Let the tears flow. That's exactly what I'm doing. It's been (7) weeks now since I lost my little girl. I cry each and every day. It's therapeutic. 
I read somewhere that grief is our reaction to an event that we have experienced. So true. We (Forum members) have experienced special relationships with our special companions and now we are reacting to losing them. You will heal, You will get better. It's going to take some time. In the meantime, please let us know how you are doing. We all understand and we all support you. You are a valuable member of this Forum. 

Jim



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Jim Miller
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Marlene8817

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Reply with quote  #51 
Hi Michele, thank you for reaching out to us.  I'm so sorry, I know how you feel..it just comes in waves..I don't know if I will ever get over this.  I had a bunch of photos on my phone printed and they came on Sat.  Just like you it was so real, like I could touch her, but I can't..she is gone forever, my heart will never be the same.  I have been crying alot lately, it was better, but now the reality is very real and she isn't coming back.  I thought maybe getting a new dog would help fill the horrible void, so I went to the shelter by my house yesterday, walked in and burst into tears and ran out.  I can't do it.  I miss her so much too, week 8 for me.  I don't know if the pain is ever going to away.  I've never felt anything like this before.  Sending you a virtual hug...
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Marlene Weber
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AnthsGirl

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Reply with quote  #52 

Dear Marlene.

I understand all too well. I lost my Lola girl two weeks and four days ago. It was sudden - completely unexpected. There had been absolutely nothing wrong with her - she hadn't been sick or anything. And then within the span of half a day, she was gone. I'd NEVER lost a pup like this. In the past, it had always been our choice to let them go. We would have time to prepare for it. But THIS, this was awful. Just...having my beautiful girl taken from me - from us. And that hardly a week after the adoption day anniversary of her and her "brother", Pippin. Seven years. Only seven years. I had wanted at LEAST seven MORE with her.

And like with your Molly, Lola was my special girl. She was effortless. She was never sick a day in her life, and she was so, SO smart. She would learn things so easily. And she was incredibly polite and well-behaved. All of it without me having to even teach her. She just WAS such a easy-going girl. And she was happy. And loving. She was spontaneous and silly, doing things literally every day that would make me and my parents laugh. And for ALL of those things, that made our lives so full...to suddenly be gone? It's the WORST pain of my life.

We still have Pippin. But Pippin is completely the opposite of Lola, in many ways. HE's always been the one that I worry about, health-wise. He has anxiety issues, skin problems, digestion and anal gland problems. And I've explained it on here before, but Pippin is also difficult to read. Lola had a way of making you understand exactly what she needed. But Pippin is...not like that. Seven plus years, and I STILL don't know what he needs, sometimes. And yes, it makes me feel incredibly guilty. Because it feels like I cannot care for Pippin the way he deserves. Like I'm letting him down, because I love Lola differently than I love him.

I have also thought, that I can't imagine ever getting another dog, again. For one, it's bad enough that I will have to go through all of this again, one day, with Pippin. I REALLY don't want to have to go through it AGAIN. But also...I don't think I'll ever love another living being as much as I love Lola. She was my EVERYTHING. She was literally the BEST thing in my life. My heart and my soul. And it's so, SO hard, having to go on, without that bright, beautiful light in my life.

I am very thankful to have found this forum, though. And that we all here have each other.

Love, Marie.

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BorderCollieLover

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Reply with quote  #53 
Hi Marlene:

  When you went to your local shelter and burst into tears, that's  just validation that your special companion was so near and dear to you. You want to hang onto that. There's nothing wrong with that.  It's a perfectly normal reaction. I feel the exact same way. I'm not ready to let another dog inot my heart yet. Shelby was my BFF. We went everywhere together. We were inseperable.  My love for her is forever. I'm going to hang to that for as long as I want to. 

Jim

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Jim Miller
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Marlene8817

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Reply with quote  #54 
Hi Marie, thank you for finding us, we are all having such a hard time too.  I'm so so sorry about Lola, this is absolutely devastating, do you know what happened?  I don't think it matters if it was 2, 7 or 15, the pain is the same and it's excruciating.  She sounds like the most amazing dog, I can't imagine the shock you must be in, it must just be a nightmare that you hope you will wake up from.  I know you feel guilty for your thoughts and that is normal, I would too.  How is he doing?  Is he looking for her, does he seem depressed?  These special little beings come into our lives, we take care of them each and every day, then they are gone, it's so hard to go back to a normal way of life again. I want to feel some joy, but I just can't. I don't know if I can do this again, but I also don't know if I can love something so much like I loved her, we were inseparable 24/7. I"m so sad, I'm sad for all of us.  Pippin needs you, maybe his personality will change some now, were they close as siblings?  Sending you a hug, grieve and cry as much as you want, we are always here...
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Marlene Weber
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Michelemh

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Reply with quote  #55 
Jim - Glad you can visit your dog. I was considering the cemetery also.

Marlene - Where did you get prints of your pictures?

I am working today and can't write much.

Michele
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Michelemh

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Reply with quote  #56 
Marie - My dog was perfect also. She was so smart. All the people would admire her loyalty to me during our training classes. I had a male dog like yours. I will write more about the medical part later or tonight. Some ideas for testing.

Michele
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Marlene8817

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Reply with quote  #57 
I uploaded them from my phone to my computer and went on Shutterfly and uploaded them there, they can put a book together for you too...I just got a bunch of 4x6 prints.  It was pretty awful to seem them though...
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Marlene Weber
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Michelemh

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Reply with quote  #58 

Thank you for the comments. I still cry every day and get that lump in my chest when I think about all the things we will never do again. Things that were so happy now when I think of them are sad.

Marie - you mentioned your dog has digestion issues. Could it be IBD? You can get a GI panel done with a pancreatitis test and sent to Iddex. Some veteriarians are not aware of this or the diagnosis.


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Michelemh

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Reply with quote  #59 
Jim - The cemetery sounds beautiful. You are right most people do not understand the grief unless they have been through it. They have no idea.
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Mistysmama

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Reply with quote  #60 
Michele and Marlene,
No, your loved ones are not gone forever. Yes the life you knew together in the physical sense has gone, and their bodies are gone. But their real selves, their real live dog spirits are defintely not gone forever.

I wouldn't be saying that if I didn't know for sure. But my Misty girl showed me, and she showed me she is still there and apparently waiting for me; waiting for me to finish what I must do here (which is important)

Yours are also waiting for you. It is real. One day you will see.

So try not to be scared to look at those photos and send out your love. They sense our love.

The pain and grief is valid. I still grieve over that shared life which will never be again in the history of the Universe. I still have tears now sometimes....years later. And am not the slightest bit ashamed of them, because tears are a part of love.

But they do live on in a very real and good way so nothing has been completely annihilated....only changed, but that hurts us of course.

Kindest thoughts and blessings to your dear ones.

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Hold the love like a little light. It is all you have, or will ever have, to find your way home.

Misty's Blog..a Dogfight with Cancer http://www.mistysblog69.blogspot.co.uk

Misty's life after death: http://www.dog2spirit.com
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