I DO fully believe those dreams were a way for me to communicate with my Lola. Like I said, I can't even really explain it, but those dreams felt DIFFERENT. Alas, I also haven't been able to visit my girl since, though. I hope she's busy playing with Rudie in heaven. And that Rudie introduced her to Bruno, and they are all happy and having fun.
I'm not having a good day. Granted, it just started, but from the minute I woke up I just KNEW it was going to be a bad one. I miss my girl SO much. ALL I want, is to be with her, again. I am tired of this life, and this world, and all it's ugliness. Because Lola WAS the best, most pure and amazing, beautiful thing in MY life. Now, all I can see is the bad. All the inevitable bad that IS ahead for me. And the world really just is mostly all bad. I can't enjoy the little bit of good there is, anyway. How can you feel without your heart, anyway? Because I lost mine when I lost my girl. And I hate how I have to pretend like everything's fine - that I'm fine. Because if I were to try and tell people that I'm NOT okay, and, God forbid, tell them WHY I'm not okay...they would think I'm faking, or making excuses. Around here, folks won't GET how much this hurts. How much pain I'm in. I feel SO alone, because of it. I am thankful for this forum, but sometimes it just really feels awful knowing everyone around me doesn't understand what I'm going through.