I'm sorry for your loss of Maggie and the suffering you're living through now without her by your side. As James said, she sounds like she was your spirit animal...or as some others say soul animal. I believe we have special bonds with all animals we live with, but I also believe there are some that truly touch our soul in a special way. Maybe it's when they came into our lives, or how, or perhaps there was something they provided us and in a way that we never knew we needed, until we received it. I say this from my heart because like you I've had many pet companions over the years and I have grieved the loss of each one, however the grief was different for each one as well.
Over the past 3 years I've lost 3 fur-kids; 2 senior cats (one that was nearing 20 yrs, almost half my life!) and most recently my dog. Today is the 6 weeks mark since my boy and I said our final farewell, he was 13 yrs old. Today is also the 13 yr anniversary of the day I brought him home at 8 weeks old. Needless to say today has been a very tear filled day. He was my soul dog, for many reasons, and the grief I've been living through since the moment I felt him take his last breath has been debilitating. I've rollercoastered through all the stages of grief and back just to feel it all over again. I struggle to function every day, all I can think about is him. I replay his last days over and over, recalling every little detail from the way he walked, ate, coughed, slept, all of it. I go through pictures and videos of the past year analyzing every aspect of his health decline, trying to make sense of it and going over the management and treatment of illnesses again and again. Could I have done more, did I miss something, did I do enough/too much/not enough. I know rationally he was a senior and he was very unwell for the past 6 months but emotionally I'm still questioning myself, because, I loved him that much. He was always my priority, so much so that even the act of allowing myself to "just grieve" without the guilt seems impossible.
I always knew he was special and extremely important to me, I also always knew that when the time came that we were no longer together it would be painful. I did not know I would respond in such a desperate and depressed manner and for so long. I think when we live through this kind of loss there is no straight forward reaction or timeline. We just have to make the choice to live through it, be in it and take each day at a time. The deeper the bond the more time it will take. My boy changed me when he came into my life, and his death has changed me again. There was a bond between him and I that I've never experienced in my life, not with friends, family or any other pet.
I hope in time you find peace. Until then, lets both be eternally grateful that we were blessed to have experienced deep, pure love in our lifetime. My best to you during this difficult time. xx