AbbeyRoad52
Often I find myself thinking about my cat, Dusty, who I lost this past October after 16 years. I knew I would never forget her and occasionally I would remember things she did. But I really haven't "healed" much. My heart still is broken from losing her. I still cry sometimes, especially in bed where she would always be laying and sleeping with me. I miss petting her to sleep. I miss feeding her and taking her outside. Most of all I miss her companionship. I haven't gotten another cat, I haven't really been able to since I'm living with my parents right now. Only part of me wants another cat. I really just want my Dusty back. I can't even look at her pictures without feeling a little sad. I thought maybe burying her here would give me comfort which it has a little, and I planted a small flower bed over her burial spot. But I still feel bad. I never ever want to lose memory of her, but doesn't the pain of losing her ever go away?
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TashasDad
AbbeyRoad52,

I am very sorry for your loss of your cat Dusty. I send you my deepest condolences.

You asked, "I never ever want to lose memory of her, but doesn't the pain of losing her ever go away?"

I am not an expert on grieving. But I believe most people and experts on grieving would say that the pain and sadness that comes when grieving an important loss lessens slowly over time. It may take months or years depending upon the person grieving and the specifics of their loss. But usually the pain slowly lessens over time. 

I lost my dog in early April. I cried every day for almost 3 months. The pain was excruciating at first for a few weeks. Then it was a raw pain for a number of weeks. Then it became awful but slightly more manageable pain for some weeks. Then it became a very sad and still daily pain, but a pain that was accompanied with much more insight and understanding (for me, for my loss). I went out and met with a professional grief councilor 2 times during this process, to help me move forward through all this, because I felt I really needed help.

It still think about her numerous times each day. I tear or cry for her some almost every day still. And I still occasionally cry very hard thinking about her. But my pain is lessening slowly all the time as I go forward.

I understand you really want your Dusty back. I really want my Tasha back. 

I read and reread your post multiple times. Maybe you have experienced some important healing already? To me, it sounds like you have, but because you still so badly miss her at times and know your heart is still broken you feel and write you haven't "healed" much. 

My heart is still broken. It may take a long time and likely years before this feeling completely passes. I know I will always love her deeply for the rest of my life. But I expect the pain to continue to slowly lessen over more time.

Planting the flower bed over her burial spot should help you. You can "talk" to her there probably better than anywhere else. And tell her how much you love her and miss her, and all of your other feelings and thoughts. She will listen. And you will benefit, again slowly, but you will benefit from "talking" to her.

I wish you much more peace in the future, going forward. You are not alone in this sad process. All of us here at this forum are with you.

TashasDad




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