Hi everyone, I’ve never really been on a forum before but I’ve been looking for ways to deal with my grief and hoping maybe this will help, idk. So on June 1st of this year (2020) my baby kitty Luna (she was 1) went missing. I had three cats all together, all outdoors (we wanted to keep Luna in but the other two were outside cats and she would cry and cry for hours, she loved it so much outside). We had went to go get food and she snuck out (because we bring them in for the night around sunset) and when we came back around 8 we noticed and immediately started looking for her. A neighbor said she’d seen her in another neighbors yard around 7:30, so we thought she must be close but she usually comes when we call, even if she won’t come inside she would show her face and then run away, I also had a bad feeling but I also have really bad anxiety so sometimes it’s hard to tell. So after looking for over an hour we went back inside and would check throughout the night and still no sign of her. This is when we started thinking a few different things like maybe she was stuck in someone’s garage or shed (that happened to my oldest cat months prior she was gone for the weekend and luckily came back herself no harm done), or that maybe even because it was nice out she was just out hunting and exploring, which our other girl cat would do here and there in the summer, and another time when I was younger we had like a 14 year old cat that was missing the WHOLE summer and we really assumed she had passed, but one day she brought a mouse to our porch just at the same time my mom had opened the front door and she saw her and scooped her up, the whole time neighbors were feeding her thinking she was stray, but Luna was so young and hadn’t been out in the summer before, so we didn’t know. The next day we continued to search the neighborhood and even the bordering neighborhoods and the ones across the main road, I went to my state missing pets registry and made flyers and a post on Facebook that got a hundred shares, the RI Lost Pets registry had their own pages and affiliate pages that each made their own posts that got shared so much it made the local news. I’m not a very religious person, I’d call myself more spiritual but I was praying and begging anyone just to keep her safe. On the night of June 6th I was very desperate, I was looking into different spiritual workers and tarot reading and meditations and things aimed at Lost Pets, I decided on a 5$ meditation session that was centered on the idea of a strong golden cord that connects you and your pet wherever you are, and using that connection to help you find them and/or guide them home. I had never really meditated before but I got her flyer which had her picture and her favorite toys and personal items like it said and I followed the session, trying not to cry, and then went to bed. I know it might sound crazy but she was in my dream that night, she came home and was fine, but more importantly she was in my moms dream that night as well, except she was in a neighbors yard running around and playing. Now this yard was way down at the bottom of my street which was not where Luna had ever gone before, but my mom woke up and went to go talk to the people who lived on that property (we had passed flyers out throughout the neighborhood but we hadn’t spoke to them directly). Now when she arrived outside his place he was working on his yard, and when she asked about Luna he said he had been digging around the perimeter of his yard to install a fence and had found a cat buried in his yard. So this was 6 days after she went missing and I remember waking up to my mom crying outside my window asking me to come outside and she thinks she found her and I just knew right then. And when I saw her I just lost it, she was a little bloated at first so I thought she was too big but there’s no mistaking it was her. I was screaming so loud and crying my next door neighbors came running out thinking my mom had died cuz she was laying on the ground when I’m screaming “they killed her they killed her she’s dead” and I just like had a complete mental breakdown and I still don’t get it because we were in contact with animal control and all the shelters and this person just killed my cat and went to the nearest yard and buried her. Didn’t call anyone, didn’t knock on my neighbors door to be like hey is this your cat?!? They could have just left her there so I could’ve hugged her goodby without her being covered in dirt and decomposing. I don’t know the whole thing was very suspicious and crazy to me and everyone says it was an accident and they probably felt bad and that’s why they buried her but like why go into someone’s property and bury a cat in their yard without asking or saying anything? And it made the news and our number was out there no one called to let us know she was dead. I probably sound bitter and I kind of am because she was so young and innocent and not only was a motivation for me to get my life together, but she helped my special needs cat so much, his name is Tigger and he’s about 6 but just acts like a kitten he almost never meows just makes kitten noises (he only meows if in pain or when Luna died) and would always bother my other older girl cat, named Heidi, because he’d want to play but she wouldn’t. So when Luna came not only did she help him but I don’t know if it was an instinctual thing but he became like a dad or a big brother to her! He was so patient with her (which has never been Tigger’s strong suit) because she was always a lil runt and she fit in my hand and was so cautious of her surroundings and always had to scope out the area before she would let loose. But he helped her by just waiting and being calm and letting her come to him and as she started growing she would play with him and just attack him left and right and he’d just take it cuz she was so tiny and cute, he taught her how to clean herself, how to cover her lil poops (cuz she never did) and they’d just be together 24/7 sleep next to each other eat and drink with each other. And now that she’s gone he’s very sad and he’s been harassing my older kitty again but even worse now and I cuddle and play with him all day but it’s not the same. I just miss her so much and I wish I never went out to get food that day, I wish I could rewind time and save her. I don’t know what to do to get over it.
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I am so sorry for your traumatic loss. It sounds like you had a very special relationship with your baby, Luna. Do not blame yourself for what happened. Cats are very quick and sneaky and there is not much you can do about it. I had a cat named Jill. We moved to a new place. She was an inside outside cat. We were trying to keep her inside at the new house because they say you should do that for awhile until they get used to their new surroundings. We tried really hard to keep her in and stopped a couple of escape attempts but she ended up sneaking out. That was back in September of last year and I haven't seen her since. We went to shelters and posted lost signs on websites and the neighborhood but only got a couple of responses that ended up not being our cat. Our area has coyotes so I am afraid that might have been her fate. I felt so guilty but I know that I tried my best and gave her love and a good life and so did you. Fate can be cruel but sometimes there is just nothing we can do. I will pray for you and your mom. Take care,
Julie 💔
"Grief only exists where love lived first."
--Franchesca Cox
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