SharonsPie
I can't seem to get over this. She still had this life in her eyes. And I put out that life. And now she's gone. It's so unbearable.
Maybe I made a mistake.
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LauriP92
Dear Sharon
Pie may have had life in her eyes but she didn't seem to be really living with all her ailments. You did the best for her-something so selfless by helping her cross the bridge. Every one of us on here feel guilt about euthanizing our pet. It is so hard for us. The vet warned me that my cat Ollie may perk up a bit before we helped him cross because she had just given him fluids because he was so dehydrated . Thank goodness she did because I almost changed my mind, he looked so normal. I'm sorry you feel guilty-Pie is now resting and waiting for you. When we do something that helps our pet rest it is so hard on all of us. Give yourself some time and self love. 
Lauri 
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SharonsPie
Thank you so much Lauri for your words of support. It helps. You are so kind to reach out to me. It's been one month. To her last day, Pie was still eating with so much gusto. She was still cuddling. Still sleeping with me. She still had bursts of puppy energy. Still enjoyed short walks, outings, visits to friends or the pet food store. But probably 50% or more of her day was feeling tired, restless, short of breath (panting), sore, hard to get up or lay down or get comfortable. I knew it wouldn't get better. But she was so brave and stoic and trying her best. She couldn't really enjoy car rides anymore (I think she felt carsick, or anxious, she'd shake and drool. So I tried hemp oil which helped her feel calm.) Getting her into the car meant lifting her 40 lbs which was uncomfortable or painful for her, shed nip at me. But I could not leave her at home either or she'd howl cause she wanted me near. There was no solution. I just did my best to keep her happy. Fortunately, I was able to be with her nearly all the time during her last years (retired) and I got a carpeted walk out basement apt with a yard for the last 6 months.
For her. I tried to make her last days great . The decision came because although her heart failure was being managed with meds for awhile, the meds could only do so much, the fluid started to build up in her lungs, she started to cough, and I didn't want her to go into respiratory crisis one day, and have her rushed to the vet or expire through suffocation. Also her legs were going weaker, and she'd soon be unable to walk. After she passed, I asked the vet again about her prognosis. The vet said they may have bad days and good days with the heart problems, but when I asked if it was possible it could suddenly go into respiratory crisis, he said yes. This helps me for awhile. But then it's all theoretical. No one knows for sure. She may have managed awhile longer. Still, the risk of a painful frightening end is what I wanted to spare her from. So I had to let her go while she still had that spark.

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Pennienewman
Dear Sharon
I don’t think there is anyone who doesn’t have some level of guilt when they have their fur baby put to sleep. I’m so sorry to hear about Pie. It’s hard to convince yourself that you did the right thing, but when you hear others that feel the same way, and get reassurance from people on forums like this, it will surely help you realise that you did nothing wrong.
It’s such a heavy responsibility that we take on, it’s no wonder that we feel the guilt. When my very old pony became really sick last year, she was laying in her stable. I chose to have her put to sleep so that she did not have to suffer. Up until that evening she had been cantering about as happy as Larry....the vet said to me, she may get up when I give her the first sedative because it may briefly make her feel better. Do you know, I absolutely prayed at that moment that she wouldn’t get up, if she had, I would have carried I even more guilt...
Just keep talking to people, you haven’t done anything wrong. It’s so clear how much you love Pie.
Hugs to you xx

I, so sorry to hear about peanut. Grief can affect us in ways I never knew about until I lost my beautiful mare last year. What I had was an ongoing lump in my throat. It actually felt like I had something stuck there. It went on for months and months. Then one day when I was totally absorbed in gardening, I noticed it wasn’t there and the minute I thought of my pony it came back. Once I realised it was grief, I felt better about it and now, over a year later, it is rarely there. It comes back though when I get the triggers and feel sad. So in answer to your question, yes definitely. We can feel physical pain because of grief and I absolutely love what Mistymama says about referring to them as loving wounds....

Hugs to you

https://beautifulmo.simdif.com/managing-grief.html

Pennie
Love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation
Author Unknown  - adapted from Kahil Gilbran

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SharonsPie
Thank you Pennie for your kind words. I always thought it would be crystal clear when I should euthanize. But it wasn't. I had to make my best guess and hope she would forgive me if I was wrong. That's the hardest part. No matter how many people try to reassure me, that little voice of doubt says, they didn't know her. They weren't there. She wasn't suffering so much. I guess the euthanasia was meant to preempt her suffering. I pray that my intuition was right. It's so hard to accept, that's it, I cant take it back, shes gone.
Thanks for sharing. Very sorry for your loss of No.
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