Leathur
Yesterday I took my new kitty to the vet for a check-up. The last time I made that trip was the morning Diego was put to sleep (I hate that term. There must be a gentler word...).

It brought back memories of the horrific seizure he had, where he literally walked off the end of the bed and crashed to the floor. Diego was barely recovering from it when I gently placed him in his carrier. As we drove to the vet I knew that was our last morning together.

Needless to say, these memories brought forth tears. I don't cry as much - or as hard - as I did the week after I lost Diego, but my "pain button" is still being pressed pretty often. I brought his ashes home right after Christmas and having them has helped me feel "he is still here with me". But is he?

When my cat Ortoloni passed away I saw his "shadow" for months afterwards. All over the house. I'm not experiencing that with Diego. Ortoloni's death was quick. He died in my arms at home. Perhaps he wasn't ready to leave me which is why I was seeing his ghost. And perhaps that is why I'm not "seeing" Diego's ghost - he was ready to leave.

I don't know. All I DO know is that my heart still aches. For his face. For his voice. For the touch of his luxurious fur. For all his wonderful idiosyncrasies. For his presence. For his companionship. For his love.

I love and miss you so much, Diego.

Familiar 52816-1.jpg  Diego - RIP (4.4.2003 - 12.10.2019).jpg
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Leathur
It's been over a month since Diego passed away. Diego many times would leave a bit of his wet food from the morning when I went to give him his evening meal of dry kibble. I'd just mix in the dry with the wet and he'd munch on it during the night. If I found only a small bit of wet food I'd always praise him "You did good today."

My new kitty, Ramses, eats 4 meals a day (wet breakfast, dry lunch, wet dinner, dry to last until breakfast) Well, this evening I was adding kibble to my Ramses' food bowl and noticed he had left a few morsels of wet. Without thinking I started to praise him when I stopped myself midway realizing he wasn't Diego. Then I broke down in tears.

It's always the SMALL things, isn't it...the little habits that trip you up? Realizing that you're still a bit "out of sync". That you're still only half here.

My heart still aches for you, my beloved Diego. I love you so much and miss you even more.
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