Spennys_Mom
Spenny,
I will be picking you up after work today, and we will be taking our final car ride together. You were always so funny in that you got so worked up in the car.  You were the only dog I have ever known who didn't enjoy riding in the car.  You were different from all the dogs I have had over the course of my life in so many ways.  You almost never barked.  Only every once in a great while if I didn't hear that someone was at the door.  Or if I was taking way too long to get your dinner into the bowl.  I promise to talk to you the whole way home in the car, like I always did.  It always seemed to calm you down.
 
The house is so quiet without you.  Your kitty brother, Toby, seems lost.  He looks for you constantly.  He has been following me everywhere, as though he expects me to find you for him.  He misses his big brother. I hate walking in the door without you there to greet me.  You would get so excited.  We used to say it looked like you were tap dancing.  All the while swishing your big fluffy tail so hard it moved your whole body.  I miss having you jump up on my lap, so that I could pet your soft fur while we watched tv together.  You always had to be close to me.  Either on my lap, or by my feet.  Which caused me to accidently bump you or step on your tail more times than I would like to admit.  I would come down and apologize to you, yet you always seemed to be the one who was sorry.

I never thought the day would come where I could eat a meal without you sitting next to me begging.  And if you thought I didn't notice you (that was impossible), you would tap me on my leg just to remind me that your were there, in case I couldn't finish dinner without some help.  You had ways of letting me know what you wanted.  When it was time to eat, you would sit and stare at me, then "snort" until I asked if you were hungry.  Of course you were, but I loved to watch you tap dance your way into the kitchen and wait by your bowl.  When you wanted to go out, it was more staring or leg tapping.  You always knew how to communicate without being pushy.  Now I get ready for bed and I automatically put on my shoes to take you for your last walk of the evening.  Then I remember that you are gone.  I know it has only been four days, but it is getting harder, rather than easier.  Not that I expect to ever get over you. I haven't been able to put away your leash, or your dishes.  I sleep with the pillow that you loved to lay on next to my bed.  I cry when I open the cabinet and see the food you will never eat.  The treats you will never get, just for being such a good boy. The brush I will never use on your beautiful golden coat again sits in the cabinet as a reminder. Spenny background 2.jpg      

You were one of a kind.  My best friend and constant companion.  You could make me smile and laugh when no one else could.  You would listen to me talk about whatever was bothering me, and you would just look at me with those big brown eyes, as if to say that you understood.  I know people always thought it was weird that I was so close with my dog. I feel sorry for those people, because obviously, they were never blessed with such unconditional love and friendship.  The way you came to me as a temporary guest from halfway across the country, who immediately became part of my family and my heart tells me that we were meant to be together.

Now, without you, I feel so lost and empty.  I never knew that pain like this was possible.  I can't sleep, I can't eat. I cry so much.  I would give anything to hold you and stroke your beautiful fur one more time.  I want to tell you how much I love you and how sorry I am.  I hope I did the right thing by you, and if it wasn't, I hope that you know that I made the decision out of love for you.  

You didn't get to know my niece Kierstyn very well over the years, due to her illness.  But, she would have been 30 on Sunday.  I am choosing to think that I am sending her the best birthday gift in heaven.  I know she will love you.  This has been the worst week of my life.  I don't think this is ever going to get easier.

Spenny, please know that I love you so much.  I am so sorry, and I don't know what to do without you.

All my love. Always,
Mommy
  


     
Spenny's Mom
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danzey
Spennys Mom...........   ....If you can, please try and stop off (before picking up Spenny) and get something special (a dinner, flowers, a special dessert) something to make you feel a bit better, but more then that; to celebrate Spenny.  Do something (anything) out of the ordinary.  Spenny is worth it, and so are you.  And then tomorrow if you want, go to the $ store and buy a few balloons and send of a message addressed to Spenny.  We're here anytime if you need someone to talk to, and if you like, come to the candle lighting on Monday (I'll look for you).  Feel better...........danzey
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Idahosmom
By now, your Spenny is back home with you. I hope it gives you comfort. May you both feel each other's warmth and love. Our dogs know that we love them, but I wonder if they realize the depth, that they have become our world. Hugs and kisses to you both.
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Madeline23t
Spenny sounds just like my snoopy. Reading your blog reminded me so much of my little dog. He would let me know when it was time for his meal. Loved dinner time around the table with his family. We would get a chair for him and he would sit and wait politely for his food. He was amazing. He knew when I made his favorite meals. Meatball chicken cutlets and pizza. He knew Friday night were pizza night. He loved it. Now I'm all alone. My two children moved away to school and snoopy waited until I adjusted without them and then left. He was sick but waited for me to finally tell him go be with the angels my love because I didn't want him to be in pain. Three days later he left me. It's been three weeks and I miss him so much. The car rides, the treats, the
Meals watching tv together. Everything about him. He was so human. It was unbelievable. So sorry for you loss, hang strong.
Mtulipani
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Spennys_Mom
Idaho's Mom, strangely enough, it us somewhat comforting to have him home. I can't help but be struck that someone who was such a huge part of my life can fit into such a small container. A friend put it to me so beautiful. He said that he was bigger than my heart, but he fit there, too.
Madeline23t, Snoopy sound like an amazing friend. I don't think that forever would be a long enough time to have with them. I am sure he is still with you and looking after you.
Spenny's Mom
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Idahosmom
Hi Spenny's mom. I brought Idaho home yesterday. I agree, it is comforting to have him home. He's home with us, where he belongs. 
I hope Spenny's spirit continues to give you comfort. Thinking of you. Hugs. 
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Spennys_Mom
It really is. I thought it would make it harder. I cried incredibly hard when they handed him to me and when I moved him to the permanent box I bought for him. I also got jewelry..a bracelet for my daughter and a necklace for me. Each has a charm shaped like a pawprint and hold some if his ashes. It's a comfort to physically have something of him always with me. I hope having Idaho home continues to bring you comfort and I am sending my thoughts to you. Hugs.
Spenny's Mom
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