littlea
Sox was a little Tuxedo cat. I rescued him (I foster cats) and he was with me for 14 months after his owner moved abroad. His health wasn't great but he made a lot of improvement in this time. Yesterday the vet said he had a tumor in his mouth - I took him because his little face was swollen on one side. The vet said he had a tumor they could only prolong his life for a short while. I wanted to bring him home for that period but it was not fully my decision to make. And letting him suffer for longer just so I could come to terms with it may not be right either but I don't know. 

I regret so much not acting on a gut feeling that he wasn't right earlier. He was drooling a lot and I kept wondering if it was a sign of mouth disease. I am so sorry for not acting on that earlier.

I pick up his ashes today - I'd like to do some kind of ceremony I don't know how, maybe reading some of the Bible texts on this website they have brought some comfort. I've wondered for ages what God thinks about how we should treat animals and the passages helped a lot.

He was such a good natured little boy. I miss him and just wish he was here.
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Memories_of_Marmalade
Dear Littlea,

I am very sorry to read of your loss of your beloved "Sox." You can see how much you cared for him in all of your compassionate words about him. I'm glad he knew such love & affection.

I'm glad that when "Sox" really needed someone to take him in you were there for him and made him a part of your life. And that for the last 14 months of his life he knew love, adoration, affection, safety, happiness and joy and at the end of his life a tender and caring soul was present to do what needed to be done when the time came.

We are all made up (all life on Earth) of carbon. Carbon which comes from exploded stars from over 4 billion years ago. Sox was also made up of carbon. So he has returned to star dust. So when you see whatever holds his ashes? they contain Sox and stardust. What could be more beffiting for these little stars that crossed our path and brought us such ethereal and unconditional love and joy. That is religious in its own right. Ashes are sacred and Holy.

I send you warm wishes for healing. Thank you for sharing a bit of Sox story with us. Now we remember and honor him too.

My sincerest condolences and kindest regards,
James
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littlea
Thank you James your words meant a lot.  I'm sorry for your loss too Marmalade is a great name I love ginger cats. 

I went for a walk and brought back a buttercup flower for Sox - it's next to his little casket of ashes.  Why a buttercup I don't know just felt like I want to do something for him. 

Day 1 coming to a close most of it in tears and confusion.

Thank you again.
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JulieF
Hi littlea,

I was so sorry to read about Sox.  I too had a tuxedo cat I had to let go a little over 2 weeks ago - he had kidney failure and was 19.  I had Patch since he was a kitten - brought him from a feral mom.  So he had a long life compared to what he would have and lived in love.

You obviously loved Sox a lot and for those 14 months all he knew was love and attention from you.  Do not beat yourself up.  You were there for him when he needed you.  You did the best you could for him and he knows that.  Be kind to yourself - you obviously care for the animals in your care and they are lucky that people like you are in this world.  I read another post a few days ago that we are giving them back to God to hold them until we can be with them again.  

I always read Psalm 23 when I need comfort.  I also like Lamentations 19 - 25.  God wants us to treat those in our care with love and kindness.

Hugs to you and bless you.
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littlea
Thank you Julie - so sorry for your loss too - 19 is a very good age for a cat I hope you find comfort in that he had a long happy life. But even  then it always feels like they left too soon.  The bible quotes on this page are very comforting I'm not here to push my beliefs on anyone they just help me personally. 

I woke up this morning feeling terrible life feels worthless and although I slept I'm eating very little.  My Mum's cat died last year and I took that quite badly.  My Mum's elderly so I'd often take Mitsy to the vets for her.  The only way I was able to make sense of that loss was to start a small tuck/snack shop at my work and the money raised goes to animal charities.  My work colleagues were so supportive of this little venture and I hope we raise more this year.

I'll try and set myself some small goals today, housework, go for a walk and contact some friends. 

God bless everyone
Angela
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JulieF
Angela,

Thank you for your kind words.  Yes, 19 is a good, long time for a cat (I believe that would have made him around 100 in human years) and the kidney disease was not a surprise.  But that did not make it less difficult - he was my special boy and we had a special bond.  I have two other cats, but I don't have that special bond with them - still love them - it is just different.

I am glad the bible verses helped you.  I have them marked in my bible and they are go to's for me.  That is great you set that snack shop up at your work to raise money.  You are obviously a kind and caring person.  I also do work for our local humane society which has restricted the volunteer work during the COVID thing.  I know  being able to do my "cat cuddling" work there would have helped me.  We also do marathon training and so our race this year was cancelled.  I think losing a pet during this time was made a little harder because of what is going on in the world.

Yes, try to stay busy - it helps to keep the mind occupied and also makes one feel they have accomplished some goals.  The eating will come back in slow increments.  Just eat whatever you can and don't worry so much about calories.  

Take care of yourself.
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littlea
Today I was cleaning out the other cats litter trays and asked even if I didn't deserve it for a sign to know Sox is ok.

Later that morning I had to go to the shops and as I got in the car I looked up at my next doors house. They have young children and they had drawn three pictures and put them in the window. Three pictures and each one was of a rainbow. I just stood and stared at them.

I bought some liquid food supplements as I'm eating so little. It's still so sad and and there are moments when it's unbearable.
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JulieF
See?  Sox is ok and wants you to be happy.  You have other cats who are relying on you - take care of yourself for them.  You gave him such a great 14 months he would not have had.  Remember that.

You are a wonderful, kind person.  Too bad we don't have more people like you in the world.
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littlea
soxsmall2.png Sox in the garden in early April. 
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littlea
Thank you JulieF :-)
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