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SalF

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Reply with quote  #1 
Last Thursday evening, my wife Karin and I made the painful decision to euthanize our little girl Sophie. She had just had her 15th birthday May 19, but her health was quickly deteriorating the past two months - Her hip arthritis was spreading to her lower back, she lost her sight two months ago and  she's been having difficulty breathing due to constricted airway passages and life-long allergies. I thought getting ourselves mentally ready for the most difficult decision every dog parent would make would ease the  pain - Far from it. Several days later, I find myself still crying, still devastated, still grieving. She was my everything. I miss her so much. She was such a loving, intelligent, affectionate... Best dog  I've ever owned. God I miss her  so much... 
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pannklaus

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Reply with quote  #2 
I know how much you must miss your precious girl Sophie and how difficult it was to make the decision to let her go.  It is the most difficult decision many of us have to make in our lives.  You gave Sophie the gift of love by releasing her from her pain.  But now you and your wife are doing the suffering.  That is the trade off we make when we deeply love our precious fur babies.   You are experiencing the normal grief that follows.  There is no short cut through it.  But you have come to a place where kind people will understand what you are going through and grieve with you. Please stay with us and write as often as you like about your feelings, the joys and sorrows of  your life with Sophie or whatever you feel like expressing.
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SalF

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Reply with quote  #3 
Thank you Patsy. The hole left is the worst part. Not see her when I come home.... She knew exactly when I came home and greeted me every single time... That's the worst. I've been reading how other people grieve, and it's somewhat comforting, but nothing can neutralize the loneliness and pain. But I sincerely appreciate your kindness.   
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Lrogers424

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Reply with quote  #4 
Hi Sal,

I am so sorry for your loss.  Sophie was a lucky girl to have such a devoted Dad and It sounds like she had a wonderful and loving doggie life.   It has been almost 1 year for me since my sweet Daisy's sudden and terminal illness and our heartbreaking decision to end her suffering.  I don't think you can ever fully prepare for saying goodbye and having to make that horrible decision.  I relive that day over and over, but each time, despite my pain, I know I did the right thing for my loving and devoted friend.  I made a promise to care for her always and I held her while she died thanking her for her love and life. 

I also found coming home without my girl waiting at the door for me one of the hardest things to bear. Though I am not religious, sometimes I believe my Daisy is still waiting somewhere for me and one day I will be with her again. 

After 1 year, I am just starting to feel grounded again.  4 months after losing our girl I did adopt again, though many (including family) thought it was way too soon.  Our puppy, Luna, is now 10 months and I am starting to feel things beginning to right themselves.  She is a good little girl and has become my sweet companion.  It was very hard in the beginning, though puppies are cute, they are a lot of work.  It did help me focus on daily tasks...Get up because the puppy needs to pee, vetting, training, can't sleep...that's okay, puppy probably needs a potty break too...  Bonding was not automatic either.  It took several months before I could open my heart to Luna but through it all, I just focused on one task at a time and gradually love bloomed.  Sometimes forcing one foot in front of the other is the only way to plow through that pain and overwhelming grief of loss.

But that is the thing about loss, and grief...you just have to force your way through it.  There are no shortcuts or time limits.  Just allow yourself to feel every emotion.  There are days that will be bearable, but days that heartbreak will take your breath away.  Eventually the hard edges of your pain will soften to the point and you will begin to remember the sweet times together.

I wish you peace and healing.

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Lori, Daisy's Mom and now Luna's Mom
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Memories_of_Marmalade

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Reply with quote  #5 

Dear Sal,

I too am very sorry for your loss. Welcome to his forum.

Please know that you and your Karin are not alone. All of us here are experiencing what you two are. Many of us had to make that final decision that you did to show mercy to your beloved pup. In my case, it was my 13 year old cat "Marmalade." He was my best friend and the light in my life. I only had him in my life for 4.2 years. Our paths crossed in the high desert of New Mexico. I had to travel 850 miles each way, 1700 miles in total, to find him, adopt him, and bring him back to Los Angeles, where we lived together for 2 years. We were on the road for 3.4 months together homeless. We stayed in 5 motels and he never ran away from me.

He was my constant companion. My compadre. My amigo. My only family. We would look at each other with complete gratitude every time we were together. We had a secret Mutual Admiration Society that had only 2 members. He and I. My heart is completely shattered. I wade, neck deep through the grief, regret, remorse, sorrow and loneliness every moment of the day and night. And I pray to God to be forgiven for making that choice to put Marmalade down.

All each of us can do is continue to travel through time, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, night by night, month by month and allow our inner healing factor to do it's work. To hopefully heal our mind, body and souls. Be gentle with ourselves during this process.

Kind regards,
James
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SalF

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Reply with quote  #6 
Thank you all for the heartfelt thoughts, and advice. I wish you all, God's love and that He grant you strength during the painful and challenging moments we're all sharing together.

On a positive note, Sophie's ashes were returned, and we're happy that she's back home. We purchased a beautiful urn for her:  
Urn.jpg 


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Lrogers424

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Reply with quote  #7 
Hi Sal,

The urn is beautiful and a lovely tribute to a wonderful little companion.  I also found peace when Daisy's ashes were back home.  I felt she was now where she belongs.  I thought I would spread them, and even though it has been almost a year since her passing, I have not had the heart to part with them.  I like the idea that she is still with us and I have already told my family that when I pass, I would like her ashes mixed with mine.

I wish you and your wife peace.  The first weeks and months are hard.  Lean on each other and know you have many friends here for support.

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Lori, Daisy's Mom and now Luna's Mom
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Memories_of_Marmalade

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Reply with quote  #8 

Dear Sal,

What a beautiful urn! A fitting places for your Sophia's ashes. I keep Marmalade's ashes on my night stand and as crazy as it sounds, I talk to him still and say Good morning and Good night. I am sure I have been driven mad with my grief, regret, guilt and sadness, but I find it oddly comforting to speak to him still.

Kind regards,
James
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SalF

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Reply with quote  #9 
All,

Thank you for the comforting words. I wish you all Peace and strength in Our Shared grief. Your friendship and understanding are sincerely appreciated.

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Proud to be Sophie's Daddy
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