I lost my beloved angel Lucky on 5/19/10.  She was 10 years old.  I am having such a difficult time this time around after the passing of my beloved pet.  I guess when I lost my beloved pet before they had obvious signs they were in pain- cancer and seizures. 

I had Lucky since she was 8 weeks old.  She came into our lives as I was losing another pet to cancer.  She was there for me through the difficult times.  When she was 5 she was diagnosed with a collapsed trachea.  She didn't really respond to the meds.  She sounded like a duck "honking".  I was sent to a specialist that said she was a candidate for a stent placement.  We could fly to NJ from Florida- which we were prepared to do.  Then the expert on stent placement said he would help them place the stent in Lucky via phone at our local Emergency Animal Hospital.  So Lucky had the stent placed.  A week later she started to cough up blood.  The stent was the wrong size.  It never really started to place in her trachea.  So another one was ordered and placed.  This time it worked well.  About 6 months later the stent started to fall apart like unravel.  We were then told she would need to be put asleep.  She was so alive except the coughing.  I started looking for other options.  They could do a stent within a stent.  It was experimental but it was our best hope for Lucky.  Again NJ was on the phone assisting with the procedure.  It went very well.  We were told we should expect her to live 7-9 months.  Well with our love and support she live another 4 wonderful years with us.  She was very fragile but she depended on me to make the right decisions.  Every year she would have a bronchoscopy to help rid the trachea of infections.  She was on 4 different meds.  They would all give positive results until a month ago and the coughing started to sound different.  We thought a last bronchoscopy would help her breathe better.  Why did I rush to get the procedure?  When they went in they saw that the in front of the stent the trachea had collapsed and there was little air getting through.  We were called to make the decision.  We rushed over.  We could go with a third stent, but that had never been done before.  I had to let her go.  I wanted to bring her out of anesthesia so she would know we were there.  But I realize that was for me and not her.  We put our little angel to sleep while she was under anesthesia.  Did she know I was there holding her little head in my arms?  I struggle if she is ok with our decisions.  I miss her so much.  She needed me so much and now I have no purpose.  I have other furbabies that want to comfort me while I am crying but I look at them and can't believe I am going to have to go through the same thing with them.  It physically hurts to let them go after all the love they have given us.  I know she is not suffering anymore. 
I will be attending her cremation- which I am not sure is a good idea, but I feel like she will need me to be there for her. 
Thank you so much for this site to help us with our grieving process.  It feels good to get it out to other people that understand the same thing I am going through. 

Forever in our Hearts my beloved angel Lucky.  RIP 11-28-99-5/19/10
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    Dear friend,

        I am so very sorry for your loss -- what an absolutely beautiful little Schnauzer.   And she is lucky to have a mom like you.  Your message reflects so many of my same feelings.  I pray your beautiful Lucky meets my Schnauz -- he would love her.   God's peace

                        -Schnauz's Mom  
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Barbiegirl...I am so sorry for the loss of your Lucky..I sent you an email after seeing your post for the Monday candlelight Tribute.  Your Schnauzer baby was so cute....I post there often for my Jake whom I lost on Feb 3 2010.

I got Jake from rescue  when he was 2yrs old, or so they thought.  I knew from the beginning he had a heart murmur and each year at his annual checkup I expected the vet to give me some bad news.  As the years rolled on I sort of put it at the back of my mind but I knew after 15 yrs his time had to be limited....Jake was everything to me...he was MY dog.  I am separated from my husband and Jake was my confidant and companion.  Schnauzers are such special dogs with great personalities and Jake was always such a joy and comfort to me...I would not have made it through that period of time in my life without him.  I have a new Mini Schnauzer now..Fritz..also a rescue I hope to give a good home for many years.

I hope my Jake and your Lucky are running around together...barking and whoo-whooing in that Schnauzer from pain...old age...and waiting for us.  I often post this poem...I copied it from someone else...

I Haven’t Left At All 

I saw you gently weeping as you looked through photographs 
You paused for just a moment at one that made you laugh. 
But as you turned more pages the tears began to flow 
You whispered that you missed me but I want you to know; 
I softly licked those stinging tears that down your cheeks did fall 
I want to help you understand I haven’t left at all. 

On those days that you are overcome with sorrow, pain and grief 
I rest my head upon your leg to offer some relief. 
When you take our walking path I’ve seen you turn around 
Because I know you surely heard my paws upon the ground. 

At night while you are sleeping I snuggle at your side 
You stroke my fur as you touch that place where I used to lie. 
You said it’s just your heart playing tricks upon your mind 
But rest assured I’m really there, my spirit’s left behind. 

I know your heart is hurting; it’s like an open sore 
You think my life has ended and you won’t see me anymore. 
But for those of us bound tight by love, death is not the curtain call; 
It’s really the eternal beginning that waits for us all 
So, dear Master as you live your life I patiently await 
For us to be together when you pass through Heaven’s gate. 

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what a beautiful dog Lucky was. I am so sorry but please know that we are all in the same boat and are here to help eachother. I too had my Mia from 7 weeks until she was 11. Mia was everything to me and I am so lost and sad without her. Mia died unexpectedly in her sleep on the 2nd of May. She wasn't sick so it came as a huge shock. I am gutted that I never got to say goodbye...... crying buckets now. Please know you are in my thoughts xx     

Mia Jessie aged: 11 years. Always our puppy girl xxxxxx
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SchnauzsMom, GentleGeorge, txgal, mia870- (((hugs))) to you.  Thank you so much for your replies.  It helps so much to read them and see it is normal to feel this way.  I wish I had found this site 5 years ago when I lost my min schnauzer Brandy.  I had to grieve in silence or not at all because it was viewed as weak.  I feel like I am now able to grieve Brandy and Lucky with friends that understand on this wonderful site. 
Thanks for the email txgal regarding my candle memorial.  It meant so much to me.  I have my 3 battery operated flame less candles that I am going to turn on tonight at 10 and then every night they will come on at 10 as a wonderful memorial to Lucky and Brandy. 
This week is going to be hard because I am going to going to the crematorium to see my beloved Lucky right before she is cremated.  I was so upset I didn't think to get a lock of her hair before the procedure that my husband called and they said they would prepare her and we could visit with her before it is done and we could bring her home with us.  I am scared.  Will it be hard to see her? 
The pet loss chat room has been a great support tool for me to help me in this process.  Thank you all for your support.  I know Lucky is running and playing with Schnauz, Jake, Mia, Brandy and all her new furry friends.  Hugs to everyone that lost their best friends. 
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God bless you tonight during the candle ceremony.  It will be hard for all of us.  
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