luvmylabs
I know this is not the correct place to post this, there's no one in the cancer forum, not for many months. So i do apologize, and the admins please feel free to delete if its not ok that i am here.
9 days ago, my beautiful boy just did not seem right to me, he was lethargic, not really eating, drinking  or playing with us or his brother, i knew it was not right, everyone said i was over reacting. Anyway, y day 3 it had become even worse, he would not eat but a handful of food, but drank copious amounts of water. Well i stopped listening to others and my sons came up to get us and take to a specialized clinic. Know mind you Jan 4th his blood tests were normal, on Jan 17th his red count was 9, no measurable platelets, x-rays showed enlarged spleen which was due to his body trying to produce the red blood cells. So we started him on treatment untill pathologist report was back. It came on monday jan 19th. The most devastating news possible, a rare, very aggressive form of bone marrow cancer that takes a dogs life in as little as 2 weeks.  we were just starting on day 8 with him, so i made the heart breaking decision for Rookie to get his wings. I have been through this before, but this time is completely different, this was a dog that was deep in my heart, and when my life was at its darkest he was there for me, no matter what i needed, I believe they do have the ability to feel a persons emotions. Rookie was one of those dogs that whom ever he came in contact with they loved him and never forgot him, he was just a rare gem from above that the whole world deserved to know. This time though I am not sure if it all came on so quick and ended quicker that i just am unable to cope, or the fact that I just loved him so much! He has a little brother Ryder, whom Rookie loved very much, he always looked out for him, took care of him, they have such a special bond, they were inseparable from the start. Ryder is not doing well either, just cries looking out window waiting for a day that will never come, that alone is breaking my heart into millions of pieces. I know its normal for animals to grieve, and it will take time for all of us, anyway like i said its just adding to my pain because i can not help him. I just am not sure how to get through this. I cant hold a thought, concentrate, eat, sleep, or function properly. I am also trying to be the brave tough one for my sons, who have been absolutely wonderful and have been with us every step of the way, and i want to be there for them, as they never had to deal with this type of loss, they were gone from home with our other lab, and so this is a new totally devastating experience for them, and I do not know how to make it better for them either. I feel like a failure for my sons, for ryder, but mostly for my beautiful Rookie.
Thank you for allowing me to vent, my husband has said to me, its a dog, they live they die, nothing affects him, so its hard being around him, as he thinks Im being ridiculous and to get over it already, that is why I came here.
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My beautiful boy...Rookie...You are loved by many..Will miss you every day..

Ronnie,
(Rookie's Mom)
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tml81573
Rookie's Mom-  I am so, so sorry for your loss.  Rookie certainly has those soulful eyes that seem like they would be so much in touch with your emotions.  You are absolutely in the right place.  You are grieving, so am I, and the others here.  Together we can talk freely and help each other get through what seems like the darkest of hours.  It seems especially cruel when the loss is so sudden and our babes seemed healthy just a short time ago.  You didn't say how old your son is, but I don't think it's bad to let him see how sad you are.  It might make him understand that it is alright for him to be sad too.  I am sorry that your husband has been unsupportive, that can not be helpful.  I am sure that he must be grieving in his own way.  
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luvmylabs
Thank you for the kind words, I do know we are all grieving here and if anyone is going to understand its everyone on here, for that I am thankful for a place like this.  My Sons are 26 and 30, and we are all grieving, but somehow I being the Mom feel its my job to make everything ok, and i can not lessen the pain for pain, i am being brave for them and they are doing the same for me. Perhaps we all need to just not be the brave one and let the process of healing start.
My beloved Rookie was just 7 years old. A beautiful strong powerful dog one day, and a week later a shadow of his previous being. I so wish no animal would ever have to be sad, homeless, abused, or sick with anything, they are a gift to humanity that should be cherished. Thank you all
Ronnie,
(Rookie's Mom)

A hug to all, am lighting candles in honor of all of our beloved and treasured babies
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jaschutz
Ronnie,

I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved Rookie. What a beautiful dog he is. Obviously you two shared a special bond, otherwise it wouldn't be so hard with him gone. I'm 25 and lost my family dog 4 weeks ago after she had an accident that shut down her liver. She was only 8. My entire family (there are 7 of us) and my fiancé and my brothers girlfriend were all there the night we decided that it was time to let her go. She was my best friend and the light of my life. Despite all of the people that obviously loved and cared for her, I have taken her passing the hardest. We shared a special bond just like you do with your Rookie. I am telling you all of this because through my grieving, it has been harder when I see my Mom or my fiancé trying to be strong for me instead of just grieving with me. It may seem silly but I feel like if they are openly grieving with me, then I know that for a fact she impacted so many lives and is so loved. I understand that everyone grieves in their own way, but there is no shame in showing some weakness and letting yourself grieve openly for your baby. I know how hard it can be when you're upset about losing your best friend and someone says "it's just a dog." I think people say this when they haven't had the privilege of loving these animals so deeply and unconditionally. It may be hard to see it now, but we were so lucky to have these animals in our lives and to realize what it was like to love them how we do. After London first passed, the hardest thing for me was realizing that she was only 8 years old and that prior to her accident, she was perfectly healthy. It is so hard to watch our animals go from being completely themselves to only a ghost of who they once were in such a short period of time. A lot of people here have had to watch that happen and I assure you have felt some of the same feelings that I'm sure you are feeling now. It can be comforting to know that you're not alone in your loss and that other people out there know exactly what you're going through and have been there at some point in time. It's also helpful watching and reading as people cope with the loss of their pets and seeing that it eventually will get better. It gives me hope when I'm feeling pretty low. I have found that writing about London and putting all of my feelings about her and her loss has helped me process my feelings when I'm feeling inconsolable. I hope the same works for you. Again, I am so sorry for  your loss. How amazing it would be if we got to spend every day of our lives with our animals and never had to say goodbye. Take care.
Jamie

You can visit London's memorial at:
http://RainbowsBridge.com/residents/LONDO001/Resident.htm
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MB_Mom1
Dear Rookie's Mom, I am so sorry.  You're pain is so real and so unmistakable; it is because your love was, & still is, so great for your pets and sons.  It doesn't seem like there is much of anything but time that eases one's sorrow except maybe talking with people and sharing pictures (so I'm glad you came to Rainbow Bridge).  My cat just died 2 days ago and I can't seem to stop the tears.  Some people say I'm overly sensitive and I might take longer to get other this than they would, but that's just going to have to be okay.  My furry love was my child and my heart is breaking like yours.  You have it especially hard since your other dog doesn't understand the loss and there is nothing you can do.  Those helpless feelings are awful.  Pray with me that God will miraculously allow your dog to continue living a happy, playful life.  I pray that peace will soon fill you up also and that your wonderful memories of Rookie will overflow from your heart soon.  Again, I am so sorry.  Rookie has the cutest face.  
Janet 
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luvmylabs
Thank you everyone for the kind words. I too am on day 2 since my boy received his wings..Monday night a night that will forever haunt me.
I have been through this before, I have lost my first dog, my beautiful black lab,Cocheise 10 years ago, I have lost my most treasured and beloved horse Summer about 8 years ago. But this loss is even more devastating, and i am not sure why. I love all my babies the same, or so i thought, this loss of Rookie has me in such a tail spin. Poor Ryder is just so so sad and lonely, I don't know what to do for him. They have been together from day 1, they are brothers. My heart breaks for him..
It does help being here, as we are all going through the same process, so in some ways it is a comfort, but in others it is so sad because there is so much loss and pain in our hearts, its almost hard to comprehend it all. I was trying to stop by all the memorials to leave my condolences and I just started to cry at the sheer volume of love between the people and their beloved fur babies. If only humanity could take a lesson from all of this. It would be a far better place.

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loft2111
Rookie is beautiful.  It will take a long time for you to be okay, but you have to grieve and not hold your emotions inside, the release helps.  We are all here for you and going through the same emotions.  I let my Little Man go on 10/1 and still grieving.  It's different for everyone, the stages, the intensity, the duration, just feel what comes naturally and honor her beautiful memory.
Take Care
Ann LM's mom
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shantismom
Ronnie you are in the exactly right place with the rest of us who have lost our precious babies and are grieving.  Your Rookie just looks so kind, what a beautiful expression on his face.
Losing him so quickly makes it all the more difficult because you had no time to prepare, not that any of us are ever really prepared.
I lost my cat Shanti on October 30th,  I still have days when I just feel so sad and I miss him everyday.
The pain, as you know, does ease but some you just are never going to totally get over.
Sounds as though you shared such a deep love with Rookie, even though it is difficult remember that the pain you feel is because of the love you had and don't you think Rookie is worth it!  That is what I remind myself, Shanti is worth the pain for the privilege of having him to love.
I will keep you and your family in prayer in the days ahead.
Marlene Wagner
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luvmylabs
loft2111 wrote:
Rookie is beautiful.  It will take a long time for you to be okay, but you have to grieve and not hold your emotions inside, the release helps.  We are all here for you and going through the same emotions.  I let my Little Man go on 10/1 and still grieving.  It's different for everyone, the stages, the intensity, the duration, just feel what comes naturally and honor her beautiful memory.
Take Care
Ann LM's mom


Thank you very much again for the kind and reassuring words. I can see there are no magical quick fixes for this and the only way to start the healing process is to let process happen.

You are all amazing people, and i thank you from bottom of my heart.

Ronnie
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luvmylabs
shantismom wrote:
Ronnie you are in the exactly right place with the rest of us who have lost our precious babies and are grieving.  Your Rookie just looks so kind, what a beautiful expression on his face.
Losing him so quickly makes it all the more difficult because you had no time to prepare, not that any of us are ever really prepared.
I lost my cat Shanti on October 30th,  I still have days when I just feel so sad and I miss him everyday.
The pain, as you know, does ease but some you just are never going to totally get over.
Sounds as though you shared such a deep love with Rookie, even though it is difficult remember that the pain you feel is because of the love you had and don't you think Rookie is worth it!  That is what I remind myself, Shanti is worth the pain for the privilege of having him to love.
I will keep you and your family in prayer in the days ahead.


Thank you very much for the beautiful words, it is reassuring to know i've not lost my mind like people are saying its only been 3 days, I am not sure what they want from me.And you know you are 110% right he is worth it!! Thank you for reminding me if this. At this time i do believe we are lucky ones as we blessed with having them in our lives.
Thank you again.
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