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catiebee

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Reply with quote  #451 
I was massively caught off guard tonight and the grief triggered royally. Whew, still trying to recover, but I'm not there...

I was at the second in a series of meetings for a book study. We ate watched a video by the book's author, had a question and answer discussion. Then the leader was taking prayer requests. One of the participants' requests was about her older dog that is declining and she has been weighing whether and when to put her beloved pet to sleep.  That was not a problem to hear, just was sorry and my heart of course went out to her, of course.

However.  One after another, people each said something to the lady about putting a dog to sleep.  This aspect of decline, that loss of function.  Then they were describing details what happens step by step for putting a dog down. They kept describing what the vet would do and how the dog would be. And the conversation went on. Until I'm sitting there, a complete wreck. Was coming unraveled. And unfortunately I couldn't hold it together. But I apologized and told them I had to leave because I had to do this last year and it was one of the hardest things ever in my life. I left with tears cascading and got in my car and wailed and sobbed till I could get calm enough to drive. And right now I am very very very very sad.

It is like sitting there unprepared to hear any of that, it yanked a huge scab up and now there is all this rawness exposed right now. I'll be fine, I know, and these tears will ease. But it sure hurts. 

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Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
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Bailey15

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Reply with quote  #452 
Oh, Catie, I feel so badly for you. It’s so difficult remembering that awful time when we had to make the worst decision ever. Being at a book study, you would not have been prepared to hear people talking about that experience and especially to hear it over and over again. I can only imagine how painful it would have felt. It’s understandable that you had to leave and it makes me so sad to think of you alone in your car feeling so upset and remembering your beautiful Marissa and that awful day. Sending you hugs and wishing you peace.
MJ 🤗
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Purzel

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Reply with quote  #453 
Sweet Catie, dear friend,

I just see your post now - my oh my. I am so so sorry you had this massive UGA. And just like MJ wrote - you could not have known the book study would turn out this way, especially to hear it over and over again. I believe I would have done the same- up and leave. I wished I could have been there with you in your car, hold you, hug you and dry your tears.

I do hope you feel better by now and send my warmest thoughts your way.

Many hugs

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LynnCDM

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Reply with quote  #454 
Thinking of you Catie... sending love and hugs. 💜
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Lrogers424

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Reply with quote  #455 
I am so sorry Catie that you had to relive those details again and in such a public way.  Sometimes I feel only comfortable expressing my grief here and with people who understand.  I recently had an experience at my vet which sent me into a tail spin and Luna too (literally as she does have a tail to spin).  She was in for a check up as I decided to get her health insurance.  They, without thinking, put us in the room that Daisy was put to sleep in.  I was speechless and beyond upset by the insensitivity, watching Luna's strange reaction to being in that room and overwhelmed with my last visions of Daisy.  Suffice to say, by the time the vet came in, Luna, my incredibly friendly bundle of fur and happiness who has never even barked at another person, was terrified, snapping at the vet and we barely got the check up in.  I know Luna was probably picking up on my distress, but her reaction to the room was so immediate and powerful that I could not help to think she had connected somehow to Daisy.  For sure she is deeply connected to me and was probably in protection mode, but I still like to believe they are connected.

These triggers can be so overwhelming and put us right back at square one sometimes.  I know people throw around the phrase "I feel your pain" sarcastically but I honestly feel your deep pain and loss.  Take care of your self and please know you have a friend in me and always someone to listen and understand.

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Tankie12

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Reply with quote  #456 
Oh Catie I’m so very sorry! We always fear something like this happening to us and how we’ll handle it and I think you were incredibly brave. You didn’t just run, you were overcome with reliving “our” reality and you explained, through your grief, why you had to go. That was brave. I don’t ever see a time where this won’t affect us and bring us to our knees.
You mean soo very much to all of us and we hurt for you, I hope today has been as gentle as can be💛,,,,,

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Rookiesmama

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Reply with quote  #457 
Catie,
Just reading about your experience broke my heart; I can't imagine having to sit through it. I'm so sorry💜💔 You're in my thoughts often, even though I'm not on here often.
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MAlcindor

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Reply with quote  #458 
Catie I am so sorry you had to go through that. Just when you think you're making progress something someone says can plunge you deep down somewhere you'd rather not be. Please know that my heart goes out to you and I am thinking of you.
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Molly_Beagle_Mom_4ever

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Reply with quote  #459 
Hi Catie, I hope your heart has had some time to mend after your book study experience. I’m so sorry that happened, and things like that seem to catch us so off guard and seem to come from nowhere. I hope you feel Marissa close and know that she’s always there beside you for comfort and to let you know she’s doing ok with all of her friends in between her snuggles with you. You’re never alone on this journey, we’re all together and share your pain as well as your love for your girl. One step at a time, your bond with Marissa grows stronger each day. Wishing you peaceful healing and strength, and sending you big hugs.

Dawn xxx

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AZTiger98

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Reply with quote  #460 
Catie,

So sorry to hear about what happened at the book study. I do hope you’ve had time to heal and that life is treating you better these days.

Gotta go for now but will check back again.

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JaspersMom

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Reply with quote  #461 
Hi Catie,
I am so sorry to hear about what you went through at the book study. You could not possibly have known that it would turn out like this. I know that I could not have held it together, and I would have had to leave and not look back. There is only so much that our minds and our hearts can take after such a deep loss, and reliving it all over again is so detrimental and so incredibly painful. I remember how you helped me so much when my little Pootie Tang was struggling with cancer, and I so appreciated your words of warmth, compassion and support, when I was trying to hold it together. Well I just wanted to let you know that I was thinking about you, and I will keep you and your beautiful Marissa in my thoughts and prayers always, and I am wishing you brighter days ahead filled with the sweet and loving memories that you and your precious girl shared. Hugs, JaspersMom

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Chinadoll

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Reply with quote  #462 
Hey Catie. I caught up on your thread and I'm so sorry you had to go through what happened. You are such a loving and caring person, it hurts to know that you had to endure a tough time, I know it happens, but I wish it hadn't happened to you. Thank you for your kind words on my topic, I've been so busy lately, and my heart has been a little more broken, so it matters so much to me that you took the time to reach out to me. It looks like our home in Alabama will be sold later next month. It was a home my wife inherited in 2012 and we visited and stayed there every summer for months. So many memories of the trips, and the wonderful times with China Doll and Nicky, they loved the back yard. We just could not properly take care of it any longer so we had to let it go. It breaks Deborah's heart and mine too. I guess going through the packing and all the things you need to do has had an effect on me more than I thought. I think it is because life is changing and I'm trying to hold on to the way it was when they were with us, it's difficult, the change. My little girl has given me signs that she is right beside me, comforting me, I miss her terribly. My problems are small compared to so many others, so I'm trying to keep it in perspective, but my heart just feels what it feels, can't control that.

We had a little home we bought in Texas a few years ago (had a dream of retiring there close to Deborah's sister). it was in a very tiny town called Menard, Tx. It is about 30 miles north of Junction, Tx. We sold it a while back when our plans did not work out but I really enjoyed our visits to the little house. The weather was much better, dryer than here in FL. We have had a beautiful spring so I'm thankful for that, but I know summer is coming and it is just too hot. 

Thank you again for your kind words. I know Marissa is always close by you, she always will be. Blessings to you.

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catiebee

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Reply with quote  #463 
Hi everyone, 

I tried to make the rounds last night and post on friends' threads here who've written to me the last while. I hope you know and I hope I've conveyed how very dearly I appreciate each of you, your warm presence and all your supportive remarks. Some other day, I'll write again about Marissa. And for right now, I want to reply just to our friend Charlie and his post from today. My best to all of you guys and I hope to return real soon. 




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Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
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catiebee

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Reply with quote  #464 
Dear Charlie, 

Thank you for your post from a few hours ago, and thank you for being so caring. I'm so glad you shared what is going on with you and Deborah. It sounds like you both are walking through a very difficult time emotionally with unwanted changes and some real stresses. 

I so wish that the two of you were not having to endure more heartbreak! Life can be terribly unfair and sometimes it just loads us up unexpectedly!

My heart goes out to you over the loss of your home in Alabama and for how deeply this is affecting you and Deborah both. I'm sure it especially hurts, having so many memories of your babies tied to that place and the time you spent annually there. I am just so sorry it became necessary to let it go.

I imagine the home in Alabama was also something of a refuge from the Florida heat, especially after the disappointment with things not working out in the small town in TX. I'm in DFW, but I lived in a far cooler climate till 2014 and I know how terribly hard that severe summer heat can be on a person. I'm not sure I'll ever get used to it, so it's not hard for me to imagine your discomfort in Fla. I'm so sorry things haven't worked out better for you both and I'm especially sad for you that it hurts so much. 

It is no fun, having to steady yourself and trudge through major disappointment again. Will you be able to escape any of the worst of the heat at times?  Please know that my thoughts are with you and I hope the sting of this new change will ease up before long. 

Caring about y'all!  Take sweet care of you and Deborah.

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Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
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Purzel

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Reply with quote  #465 
Sweet Catie,

Walking about in the forum and want to send best wishes to you. I hope life is treating you well these days and the UGA is history by now. I send many flowers your way - spring time so lovely here with new flowers each and every day (also the goutweed, lol).

Many hugs and warm thoughts

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