Registered: 1518159648 Posts: 1,148
Reply with quote #451
I was massively caught off guard tonight and the grief triggered royally. Whew, still trying to recover, but I'm not there...
I was at the second in a series of meetings for a book study. We ate watched a video by the book's author, had a question and answer discussion. Then the leader was taking prayer requests. One of the participants' requests was about her older dog that is declining and she has been weighing whether and when to put her beloved pet to sleep. That was not a problem to hear, just was sorry and my heart of course went out to her, of course. However. One after another, people each said something to the lady about putting a dog to sleep. This aspect of decline, that loss of function. Then they were describing details what happens step by step for putting a dog down. They kept describing what the vet would do and how the dog would be. And the conversation went on. Until I'm sitting there, a complete wreck. Was coming unraveled. And unfortunately I couldn't hold it together. But I apologized and told them I had to leave because I had to do this last year and it was one of the hardest things ever in my life. I left with tears cascading and got in my car and wailed and sobbed till I could get calm enough to drive. And right now I am very very very very sad. It is like sitting there unprepared to hear any of that, it yanked a huge scab up and now there is all this rawness exposed right now. I'll be fine, I know, and these tears will ease. But it sure hurts. __________________ Catie -Missing Marissa deeply
Registered: 1453623769 Posts: 1,110
Reply with quote #452
Oh, Catie, I feel so badly for you. It’s so difficult remembering that awful time when we had to make the worst decision ever. Being at a book study, you would not have been prepared to hear people talking about that experience and especially to hear it over and over again. I can only imagine how painful it would have felt. It’s understandable that you had to leave and it makes me so sad to think of you alone in your car feeling so upset and remembering your beautiful Marissa and that awful day. Sending you hugs and wishing you peace.
Registered: 1518903449 Posts: 835
Reply with quote #453
Sweet Catie, dear friend,
I just see your post now - my oh my. I am so so sorry you had this massive UGA. And just like MJ wrote - you could not have known the book study would turn out this way, especially to hear it over and over again. I believe I would have done the same- up and leave. I wished I could have been there with you in your car, hold you, hug you and dry your tears. I do hope you feel better by now and send my warmest thoughts your way. Many hugs __________________ Silvia (with Max forever in my heart)
Registered: 1488217055 Posts: 289
Reply with quote #454
Thinking of you Catie... sending love and hugs. 💜
Registered: 1537581207 Posts: 125
Reply with quote #455
I am so sorry Catie that you had to relive those details again and in such a public way. Sometimes I feel only comfortable expressing my grief here and with people who understand. I recently had an experience at my vet which sent me into a tail spin and Luna too (literally as she does have a tail to spin). She was in for a check up as I decided to get her health insurance. They, without thinking, put us in the room that Daisy was put to sleep in. I was speechless and beyond upset by the insensitivity, watching Luna's strange reaction to being in that room and overwhelmed with my last visions of Daisy. Suffice to say, by the time the vet came in, Luna, my incredibly friendly bundle of fur and happiness who has never even barked at another person, was terrified, snapping at the vet and we barely got the check up in. I know Luna was probably picking up on my distress, but her reaction to the room was so immediate and powerful that I could not help to think she had connected somehow to Daisy. For sure she is deeply connected to me and was probably in protection mode, but I still like to believe they are connected.
These triggers can be so overwhelming and put us right back at square one sometimes. I know people throw around the phrase "I feel your pain" sarcastically but I honestly feel your deep pain and loss. Take care of your self and please know you have a friend in me and always someone to listen and understand. __________________ Lori, Daisy's Mom and now Luna's Mom
Registered: 1521698392 Posts: 1,071
Reply with quote #456
Oh Catie I’m so very sorry! We always fear something like this happening to us and how we’ll handle it and I think you were incredibly brave. You didn’t just run, you were overcome with reliving “our” reality and you explained, through your grief, why you had to go. That was brave. I don’t ever see a time where this won’t affect us and bring us to our knees.
You mean soo very much to all of us and we hurt for you, I hope today has been as gentle as can be💛,,,,, __________________ Lynn, Tankie’s mom, forever
Registered: 1532323848 Posts: 610
Reply with quote #457
Just reading about your experience broke my heart; I can't imagine having to sit through it. I'm so sorry💜💔 You're in my thoughts often, even though I'm not on here often.
Registered: 1531669228 Posts: 986
Reply with quote #458
Catie I am so sorry you had to go through that. Just when you think you're making progress something someone says can plunge you deep down somewhere you'd rather not be. Please know that my heart goes out to you and I am thinking of you.
Marlen(Max & Bailey's mommy)
Registered: 1480564039 Posts: 1,440
Reply with quote #459
Hi Catie, I hope your heart has had some time to mend after your book study experience. I’m so sorry that happened, and things like that seem to catch us so off guard and seem to come from nowhere. I hope you feel Marissa close and know that she’s always there beside you for comfort and to let you know she’s doing ok with all of her friends in between her snuggles with you. You’re never alone on this journey, we’re all together and share your pain as well as your love for your girl. One step at a time, your bond with Marissa grows stronger each day. Wishing you peaceful healing and strength, and sending you big hugs.
Dawn xxx __________________ Love you infinitely our little Molly. Forever and ever XOXO
Registered: 1418329477 Posts: 210
Reply with quote #460
So sorry to hear about what happened at the book study. I do hope you’ve had time to heal and that life is treating you better these days. Gotta go for now but will check back again. __________________ David Daddy to beloved fur baby Stormy 08/2003 - 05/19/18 Stormy’s Residency https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/STORM059/Resident.htm
Registered: 1414536319 Posts: 393
Reply with quote #461
I am so sorry to hear about what you went through at the book study. You could not possibly have known that it would turn out like this. I know that I could not have held it together, and I would have had to leave and not look back. There is only so much that our minds and our hearts can take after such a deep loss, and reliving it all over again is so detrimental and so incredibly painful. I remember how you helped me so much when my little Pootie Tang was struggling with cancer, and I so appreciated your words of warmth, compassion and support, when I was trying to hold it together. Well I just wanted to let you know that I was thinking about you, and I will keep you and your beautiful Marissa in my thoughts and prayers always, and I am wishing you brighter days ahead filled with the sweet and loving memories that you and your precious girl shared. Hugs, JaspersMom