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Tankie12

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Reply with quote  #436 
Catie my heart and warmest thoughts are with you. I know how a year feels like yesterday with a million miles in between. Feelings intensify as we silently keep them wrapped in our soul.
I just know what was you and Marissa still is because we (((feel))) it with every breath we take.
I don’t believe they forget about us Catie, just as they remain in our hearts we are part of their spiritual lives.
Sending the warmest of hugs,,,,,

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Lynn, Tankie’s mom, forever
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MissingScooty

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Reply with quote  #437 
Catie my apologies for not writing yesterday on the one year anniversary but I did pray yesterday and my thoughts were with you. I prayed for you in the morning, knowing it would likely be an especially tough day with memories flooding in, and probably not all of them good with some of them being her last days. I know that you loved Marissa with all of you heart and all of your being, and I am sure Marissa knew this too. I realize some days we so badly want to go and be where they are now (as we both believe they are in heaven) but as I keep hearing as long as we are still breathing there is still work on earth for us to do, even though our hearts are breaking with grief and loss. My prayer is for you to find extra comfort and peace in some way today and whenever those UGA's happen, and for you to get a super real feeling, GOOD dream of Marissa when you feel as if you are holding her again and she is healthy in the dream, if this is the type of dream to make you feel better.

Love,
Melissa

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Sil

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Reply with quote  #438 
Dear, Catie,

I am sorry for not writing on this first anniversary of your sweet Marissa.  You are a remarkable human being, who offers so much support and empathy to everyone in this forum....even when your own heart is breaking.  You are in my thoughts and prayers.  Sending you many, many hugs
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AZTiger98

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Reply with quote  #439 
Catie,

Forgive me, friend...I didn’t check back in yesterday, on your one-year anniversary of losing Marissa. I hope you were able to get through the day and that you were able to have pleasant thoughts of her. Thank you for dropping in on Stormy’s thread the other day. I wanted to let you know you are in my prayers.

David

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David

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08/2003 - 05/19/18
Stormy’s Residency https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/STORM059/Resident.htm
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Tankie12

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Reply with quote  #440 
Thank you for visiting and leaving such sweet words Catie.
Your letters to your sweet Marissa always bring tears to my eyes as I feel the deep love and endless longing. They should be here, they just should.
Is everything still the same with your Dad? He hasn’t chased off all the support right? 😅 I sincerely hope he’s getting on just fine and you’ve been able to relax some.
You know Catie you were one of the first to answer my first ever post here. I’ll never forget that, many hugs😚,,,,,

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ForMitookie_03

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Reply with quote  #441 
Catie,

I couldn't leave the forum today without telling you how sorry I am that I missed the one year anniversary of Marissa's passing.  I knew that it had occurred and that I had missed it, however I've just been really struggling with this small matter called time.  I have none.  Your caring and thoughtfulness towards others (me included) is unprecedented.  Your kindness resonates over and over with myself and so many others on this forum.  Couldn't have gotten through this year without you!  Take care of yourself and will check in soon. 

Hugs, love and comfort,

Marina

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Lrogers424

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Reply with quote  #442 
Hi Catie,

I wanted to see how you were doing now that your 1 year has passed.  Anniversaries are so hard, but then so are everyday mundane things that sneak up on you.  I am sure your sweet Marissa is looking over you and all of us here on the forum are looking out for you too.  I hope those provide some comfort to you.  You are so generous with your time, wise counsel and kind words.  Please know that you are in my thoughts.

Wishing you peace,
Lori

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Purzel

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Reply with quote  #443 
Sweet Catie,

Thank you for your loving words on Max's Birthday. It is March already and my garden is calling me on a daily basis now, we -my garden and I- have this yearly spring battle, lol. Every day I see something new that obviously grew in secret over night. Each time I drive to the next city I see this man who has a lovely dog who looks just like your sweet Marissa and automatically I think of her and you of course. I know how much you miss her still - just like I miss my Onliest. I guess this will never change and we will learn to live with this.

A few times a week I get to cuddle Rocko, a twelve year old Lab. He is lovely and when he sees me he starts running towards me, flying into my open arms. It is a lovely moment.

I wish many lovely moments for you, dear friend and send

big fat hugs your way

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Silvia (with Max forever in my heart)

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MissingScooty

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Reply with quote  #444 
Catie so sorry I have not been on the forum for weeks! (I will post more why on that on my own thread). How are you doing? I know I was down for a week or two after the one year anniversary so I wanted to check in on you and give you hugs, and tissues of course. You are such a kind sweet person, giving comfort to others here when you yourself are grieving. I hope you are finding some soft edges to the jaggedness of grief.

Love,
Melissa

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Chinadoll

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Reply with quote  #445 
Hey Catie, just wanted to stop by and let you know I hope all is as well as it can be. I so appreciate all the kindness and help you have brought to the forum, the caring, we all are trying to make it through each day and it is comforting to have friends like you. Blessings to you and peace and comfort in the days ahead.
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ForMitookie_03

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Reply with quote  #446 
Hi Catie,

Just popping by to say hi and I hope you are doing well.  I decided to take a few minutes out of my incredibly long work days to come to the place that brings me comfort and joy and let you know I'm thinking of you.  How are you doing with this crazy roller coaster weather?  It's annoying after a while huh?  I do love the cold weather, and dread the hot Texas summer ahead, but the roller coaster of temperatures, not so much. 

Take care my friend!

Sending you happiness, comfort, and many hugs!

Marina

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catiebee

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Reply with quote  #447 
Oh, you guys! I'm sure sorry for not returning much, much sooner and giving you all a proper thank you for all the loving words and warmth you shared with me over Marissa's one-year anniversary. I intended to but didn't manage to. And several of you returned and posted again. What utter sweethearts you are!  Your kindness is sooooo very much appreciated. I am just sitting here, re-absorbing some of the warmth you deposited on my thread when you wrote. Cried my eyes out again, but that's part of the package, as I miss her so and you're the ones who get that. It really is a heart to heart connection, and the way each of you come from such a deep place of understanding is such a gift. The Lord knows, I dearly wish you didn't understand, in the sense that I so wish you had not experienced your own devastating losses! Yet words of kinship and experience, your knowing how to be gentle and your tenderness toward me is deeply appreciated. A belated but very big heartfelt thank you to each of you, Silvia, Don, Charlie, Lynn, Melissa, Sil, David, Marina and Lori! Hope I didn't miss anyone. It was just so, so good of you to visit me and my thread, bring me loads of comfort, prayers, hugs. All the good stuff. You each are so lovely!

Some part of me still suffers -- and perhaps others of us here still do also -- from the people in my life who have believed it isn't okay to love and adore a pet. And we here do know, we know so well, that in a way, grief is just love. It is lots and lots and and lots of love, which can't be denied or stopped up. And yes, we are, we are allowed to love our babies that much.  We may love them ferociously, and we do. We just do. And our hearts that still feel all torn apart over them after that long. You know it's really too bad some people criticize and resist the fact that there could be love so deep for a creature. But those soulful, open-hearted eyes, their endless, exuberant affection! Our furry family members treated us much better and more kindly and more lovingly than many humans have. I'm not apologetic for missing my girl profoundly.

I hope to make the rounds again soon, catch up with dear friends here soon. I miss y'all. 

To those who've asked about my dad, he's doing ok. But our hearts are heavy for a beloved family friend, the person who first helped my mom and dad as their needs began to grow several years ago (now just Dad). She has been diagnosed with what they believe is not one but two cancers, one advanced. My heart is heavy for her and her whole family, for having to walk through this. She just began treatment. 

I send much love to you all and I'm grateful for your companionship as we trek on. The road can certainly be steep some days, and it seems like we take fewer steps in times of weakness and greater sadness. Heck, some days I can't even find the road, is what it feels like. But we're still traveling on and we're not alone. For that I'm thankful, for sure! Lots of hugs to everyone.... 



For 13 months March 8, 2019

Dearest Snoogly Marissa, 

Hello, little lamb. I miss you, baby. I miss you my sweetest friend, my fur girl. 

Marissa, I tried to do some hip exercises on my mat a couple days ago. My eyes glanced under the recliner and I found a whole handful of partially chomped chewberts. The peanut butter flavored rawhides you loved so much. What wrecked me, were all these little teeth marks. These precious, bitty teeth marks, where you had stretched out and worked on each of them. You would attack them with such vigor and obvious pleasure. When you were in the mood to chew, delight was written all over your face. And you were so funny with the treats I called porkulas. Those pork sticks were really too long for a girl your size but you would wrestle them to where they stood up between your little paws and wrap your lips around them and go to town. I miss the sound of you working on your chewies, little love. I put one of your well chomped chewberts by the box with your name on it, and the others are still by the fireplace. I couldn't bear to throw them out.

Marissa, someone else in our life has cancer. It makes me cry and I'm scared for her. I will never forget the day I felt something alarming on you. My heart fell like a rock. I know exactly where we were and terror struck my heart for you and for the unthinkable possibility of where it would take us. It still takes my breath away, just the thought of that moment and all the anxiety and everything else that followed. Oh, Marissa. I wish things were so different. I wish none of that had ever happened. 

I miss talking out loud to you, Marissa. It felt companionable and it was like having a little person here. I think you fancied yourself to be a person. A person with a floofy tail and lots of bubbly emotions and loads of kisses. That's a very, very nice kind of person, one who is always glad when the door opens. One who greets each day with a smile and with optimism. One who is excited about every single meal and each chance to explore a bit of the world outdoors. You were a most enthusiastic, little creature. Consistently having your eyes lit up. I miss you being glad to see me. There are no words for how much.

I miss bending down and clicking your leash onto your collar and having you immediately dart for the door and look over your shoulder at me, waiting for me to pop the door open. I loved the way you would bob down the steps. You had the cutest flounce in your stride but you were so fluid. You were beautiful in your movements--I was always fascinated by the way you were constructed, the flowing way that you moved--and so fast! Your mom is a bit of a klutz, but you were so coordinated!

I miss singing your songs to you, too. Those songs were only yours. They wouldn't make sense for anyone else and for whatever reason I always sang your names, your silly nicknames. The silliness was part of being a dog mom. I think it's written in the contract someplace, because silliness was central. I miss that, too, and you deserved a hundred more silly names than you had, since none was quite enough to describe you. I think that's why your names came to be, was because I didn't know an already existing word that felt sufficient for you.  But yes, you most certainly were a Widget Bear. That is for sure. And no question that you were a Pookin Bird. How that aligns with you being a canine, I can't explain. But you were!  And that's why I would do all those series of Hoo hoo hoo hoo's all over the place in a high-pitched tone. I think it's because language couldn't capture what I wanted to say to you when I needed to tell you that being with you made my heart soar!

I need windshield wipers for my face again. Your names still wreck me. Maybe they always will. I wish, just wish it incredibly, that I could say, "Bearish!" and immediately have you materialize at my feet, the way you always did. You knew who you were and you were a most wonderful you. I miss you, sweetest girl. So, so bad, I miss you.

How I wish heaven had visiting hours. Love you, precious!

Catie/Mom






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Catie
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Purzel

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Reply with quote  #448 
Sweet Catie,
 
Your very beautiful and so loving and longing letter so sweet Marissa left me with tears in my eyes. Not only did I feel your longing and pain but also such sweet memories of Max emerged in front of my inner eye.
 
You wrote: “When you were in the mood to chew, delight was written all over your face.. or.....they stood up between your paws and wrap your lips around them and go to town...” Max was the very same and I loved to watch him – it always made me so happy.
 
Once again I can imagine the terror you must have felt after receiving the diagnosis with all the fear inside of you of what was to follow. Max’s last weeks still haunt me now and then and I really wished for both of us we would not have to even bear thoughts like this.
 
I wish all the best to your beloved family friend hoping the treatment will work out well.
 
And of course do I send lots of hugs and warm thoughts your way.

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Silvia (with Max forever in my heart)

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MyBella

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Reply with quote  #449 
Oh Catie, what a beautiful letter to your adorable Marissa, so much to miss, and it's those little things that we never even thought of at the time that seem to be the most missed. I absolutely loved reading how you would sing to your beautiful girl, sweet songs only for your Marissa, that is so wonderful. I sincerely hope you continue to sing those songs, even though I'm sure they will bring tears, I hope by singing them also brings a closeness with your girl, she is forever listening for your voice, and always close by, never doubt that Catie.

It was nice to read your Dad is doing well, so sorry to hear about your family friend, I send my most positive thoughts to them and you.

Wishing for your beautiful Marissa to fill your heart with love, peace and healing, may your girl nudge your heart with every song you sing.

Your Friend Always, Don
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catiebee

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Reply with quote  #450 
Silvia and Don,

Deep, heartfelt thank you's from my heart to yours for your posts. You are both so kind and lovely and your words are so soothing and filled with understanding.  Thank you for your gentle soothing ways and for the comfort and encouragement you bring me in the thoughts and words you shared. It means a whole lot and I dearly appreciate your steadfast friendship and companioning with me on this road. You are both true treasures and I'm grateful. I send warmest wishes for you to be comforted and sustained, along with an overflowing basket of big old hugs!

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Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
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