LadyFaire
I lost my 'little man' about 3 weeks ago.  He was my 'empty nest' solution and quickly became a full member of the household.

My biggest problem is that I HURT.  I don't know how to lessen the pain.  And the guilt!  I can remember every single time I fussed at him for doing SOMETHING that was irritating those last few months.  I KNEW I'd feel guilty later, but there you have it.

We took him in to the vet's office on the 18th of May - just 3 days before his 15th birthday.  For small Poodles, 15 is NOT old.  Somehow, I seem to have expected him to always be with me.

I just miss my baby and want to know how to quit hurting!
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chilover
I am so very sorry for your loss.

You are hurting so much because he was your baby and of course you loved him! The guilt you are experiencing is a very common part of the grieving process and I myself have felt this way. Our babies can have the most wonderful lives & still the grief always leaves us thinking the worst of ourselves and the 'what if's' & 'did I do it too soon or did I do it too late'. The pain you are experiencing will not always be this intense, it will naturally ease & then happier memories of your beloved boy will appear. I still miss my little Chihuahua so desperately & there isn't a day goes by that I do not think of her & yes it still hurts, but memories of the happy times that we shared are starting to appear & that is because I am healing & you will too. Your boy loved you and you are a wonderful person because  you gave him a loving home. 

My Daisy was 15 too when we parted and one of the 1st thing's some people say to me is 'wow, 15 is amazing for a little dog & then I will reply by informing them by saying 'the smaller dogs have the longer life spans & I think Chihuahua's are supposed to have the longest, however that will not always mean that will be the case. I don't know why people assume that the bigger dogs live longer. Having said that, no matter the size of the dog,  any size/breed can develop illnesses and sometimes it is in their DNA from birth or other reasons which are out of our control, so please do not blame yourself thinking that he died early. My little dog had a couple of issues when I got her & when these feelings of guilt & doubt resurface I tell myself 'I loved her, I took her to the vet's & she had regular routine appointments & I always followed my vets advice...
You were a loving pet parent & I hope that you share some memories of your boy if & whenever you feel you are able to. Everyone on this forum understands exactly what you are going through & we all  support you. You are not alone & this forum is a wonderful support network.
Please be gentle with yourself. 
Sending comfort & peace on your journey.
Daisy's mummy 
Angelina 
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