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Snowflaker
Thank you for your kind words CK. I know she knew how much I loved her. I feel like throughout middle and high school I just was more concerned with having a life than the world I had at home and it upsets me. That’s what hurts so bad that she’s gone. She was so forgiving. I know she wouldn’t want me to feel this way which makes it that much worse. I know Kali loves me, but she’s so much more of a free spirit. She does what she wants when she wants. I try to comfort her. Most of the time she doesn’t even look my way when I call her. Sometimes I think she blames me for Snowflake not being around because it’s only gotten worse since. It’s just very hard and my mind just races uncontrollably
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Snowflaker
Hello, Pickles-
I don’t know if you remember, but one day when you were little I started throwing random names out and when I said pickles you got very happy and looked right at me. For awhile I started calling you Pickles. You just knew. It was like you wanted your name to be Pickles. Today has been a hard day. I hadn’t been able to bring myself to open the tin they put your ashes in. I hadn’t been able to pet your hair. Today was that day I needed that extra comfort. I pet you for a good while. I held your ashes close. Today was just another example of how you were the only one always here for me. I feel so alone anymore without you. I just don’t understand why you had to leave while I was so vulnerable. I know it’s selfish, but I wish you could’ve stayed awhile longer. I guess it was just your time and you helped me all you could. I know I fed you and kept you safe, but you did so much more for me. Throughout all the depression, you were always there. Ready to listen. Ready to lick away my tears. Ready to comfort me with your cuddles. Ready to ease my pain. If it wasn’t for you, I probably wouldn't be here today. You were so tiny, but your heart was ginormous. I still remember the way you felt. I miss the way you smelt after getting a bath or going to the groomers. I especially miss how soft you would get after a bath. The only time you were ever mean to me was when I combed you. You weren’t even mean to me though. Okay sometimes you were. You would usually growl and snip at the comb. Or more recently you were more fragile. If I accidentally rolled on you or bumped you at night you would growl. I’m sorry I wasn’t more careful recently. I’m sorry if you were in pain. You always hid your pain very well. All dogs do. But you especially. If I accidentally stepped on your little paw because you always walked under me, you really were my shadow, you would yip then get all happy. Sometimes I wonder if you were smart enough to do it for attention. You were so lovable. At times you were my only friend, and I’ll never forget that.
Goodnight Babygirl, I’ll forever love you
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Snowflaker
Good morning, Babygirl-
I miss and love you still so much. I’m feeling more numb and empty today. I wish I could just hold you. I’m not the same without my little shadow. You followed me everywhere. When your paw was hurt, I had to carry you everywhere with me because I didn’t want you to hurt it more. You wanted to spend every second possible with me. You always followed me in the bathroom too. Sometimes when I’d shower if I let you in, you would curl up and take a nap on my clothes. I’m sure my scent comforted you because we had fuzzy carpets in the bathroom. I still feel like it’s a nightmare I can’t wake up from. Kali was whimpering in her sleep. She does that often just like you did. I looked it up last night and it said it’s bad to wake dogs up during that. I’m sorry. I used to wake you all the time. Why didn’t I look it up then? I always thought you were having nightmares. I have a video of you somewhere where I was gently petting you until you woke up and sneezed. You were such a sneezy girl.
Until we meet again, my Sneezy little girl.
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Snowflaker
Hello, Babygirl-
I recently noticed Kali has a lump under her neck. I was debating getting it checked. I don’t feel anymore, but a friend posted on FB how her dog had a lump under her neck and it’s cancer. Her baby doesn’t have long. I feel like it’s normal, but I’d rather get it checked than not. I hope it’s normal. I don’t think I could lose her right now either. I would go crazy. Daddy and me haven’t been getting along too well the last couple days. Of course that’s not helping. I just miss you always being here for me when I didn’t have anyone else. You were always here to cheer me up and comfort me. Kali seems to be getting better at comforting me, but if daddy’s around, she’d rather comfort him. She’s very spoiled at our new place. I wish you were here to be spoiled 2x as much. Mommy always made sure you were 2x more spoiled than her because how old you were. I knew you didn’t have long, but I hoped at least awhile longer. Baby is doing well! She weighs about 5lbs. She gained over a pound in the last month. I think you would’ve loved her. You probably would’ve tried to sleep in her bassinet with her. I just wish you were here through all this. There’s so much going on and it’s so much lonelier without you. I can’t stand it. I think the baby knows when I’m upset because she often kicks and moves around when I get really upset like she’s trying to cheer me up. At least if anything happens to Kali, she’ll have you up there to show her around and take care of her. I will keep you posted.
Goodnight, Babygirl. I love and miss you so much.
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CK1991
Hi again! Merry Christmas! I hope that with your new baby and Kali you can enjoy some of the holidays the way Snowflake would want you to. You mustn’t be too hard on yourself. It’s so normal to go out and live life when you’re in middle school and high school. That’s what you were supposed to be doing. Animals don’t judge .. I think if Snowflake could have talked she would have told you to go out and enjoy your life.
I believe our pets are still around in a different form so if you see a sign please don’t dismiss it. Snowflake will want you to know that she is back to being young and healthy again and is at peace and she wants the same for you. It’s so wonderful having a new baby but it can be very tiring for both parents. Been there and done it! As much as I love my (teenagers now) it was exhausting so it may be why you and Snowflake & Kali’s father are not getting along this past little while. Try and get rest when you can and remember how much you loved Snowflake. That’s what is really important. I would advise getting Kali’s lump checked. It’s most likely a benign lump but it will put your mind at ease and that’s important now. Hugs to you!
CK
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Snowflaker
Merry Christmas, Snowflakers-
I wish you were here. I wish I could remember my dream. All I remember is you were there. Thank you for stopping by to visit. You don’t know how much that means to me. I miss you like crazy. I know you never knew what holidays were, but I wish you were here for Christmas. I loved feeding you all the yummy left overs and having you sit at the table with us. Your Grammy would get mad, but I thought it was hilarious and cute when you’d try to get on the table. I wish I could’ve put you on the table and you could’ve eaten whatever your heart desired. I remember on Thanksgiving, me and daddy looked at Black Friday ads at the table. We put your pillow on the table and had you lay on it. You always wanted to be right there with us, and we didn’t want it any other way. Sir is coming over later. He would’ve annoyed the crap out of you. On Thanksgiving he gave you a break though. He was more interested in Kali. He kept licking her ear. He reminds me of you in a way. He just always seems happy, loving, and so forgiving. He can be a brat though. Last time I visited him, I took him outside and he had to pee 20 times and poop twice. Every time after he peed he would kick the grass all over me. It was so annoying. I know it’s probably just the way Kali looks, but I think she always looks so sad. Today definitely isn’t going to be an easy day without you. I already want to crawl back in bed and sleep all day. I hope Santa came to visit you up there and left you all the treats in the world. I hope you, Angel, and Copper are enjoying a nice feast.
Have a Merry Christmas Babygirl, I’ll love and miss you til the end of time.
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Snowflaker
Merry Christmas CK. Baby isn’t here just yet. A few more weeks. I just feel bad because when I was young she was usually locked up when no one was home. I don’t remember when we started letting her and her sister roam the house when we were gone, but it just makes me feel awful to think about. When I got older I tried taking her everywhere though. She loved going places and meeting new people. I had bought her a doggy bag a couple years ago because I wanted to start taking her places with me, and I never used it. Now it’s a storage for all her sweaters, and other things. I really hope so. As much of a daddy’s girl as she is, I love her so much, and I don’t think I could handle hearing she doesn’t have much longer. We definitely plan on getting it checked here soon.
Take care and have a Merry Christmas
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Snowflaker
Hello, Babygirl-
As I predicted, today was not an easy day without you. No day is, but today was harder. I sat around with everyone before dinner for awhile mostly keeping to myself. I went to join them at the dinner table a little late. After a few bites I started crying. I couldn’t bare to eat without you sitting next to me with everyone else. Eating on normal days is hard enough without you. You used to lick all my plates and bowls 75% clean while Kali got the other 25%. She was usually pretty good at waiting for her turn. I think she learned from when you used to attack her for eating your dog food. So, she would start watching you eat and wait until you were done before she ate. I wish you were there. You were supposed to sit and eat with us. By the third time I tried eating I think my eyes were just so dry I couldn’t cry anymore. It felt so wrong eating at the table without you. I miss you soo unbelievably much. I wish you could’ve been there today. I’m sure you were in spirit, but I can’t sense your presence. I wish I could. I don’t know if that would make things any easier or not. I think it would help with some peace of mind, but it would probably just upset me more I couldn’t see or feel you. George #2 (because you were always George #1) got me a shirt with a picture of you on it. Unfortunately it’s a white shirt, but all that matters is it has your beautiful face on it and underneath it says “my mommy loves me”. Daddy got the same shirt except his says “my daddy loves me”. Kali and Sir got along today. Kali kept hopping in front of him like she used to do with you when she wanted to play. Occasionally she would “bop” him. She knew how fragile and little you were. She tried to be careful with you. I know occasionally she would accidentally hurt you. She’s just so big and clumsy. I hope you know how much all of us are missing you, especially your mommy. I attached a photo of you last Christmas Eve in your Christmas sweater sitting with me, watching me eat, waiting for your share of chicken nuggets.
I miss and love you so much Beautiful girl. Merry Christmas. I hope you had a wonderful day with your new friends and family.
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Snowflaker
Good morning, Sweet girl-
We’re trying to get Kali a vet appointment today. I will keep you posted when we know more. I hope everything’s okay with her. I think it’s normal, but I have no idea. Do you remember when Kali used to constantly lick you? You hated it at first but over time you loved it. I uploaded a picture. Don’t forget how much she loved you. I hope you’re having fun up there. I hope you’re being nice. You have big dog syndrome as people call it. You would go after a 200lb dog. You thought you were so bad and scary, it was adorable. Yet so submissive to people. You would like army crawl to people with your tail down wagging. You used to do that to me at time too when I’d go to pick you up. You were just the most beautiful, loving girl. I can’t wait to see you again. I wish I could count down the days. All I know is one more day here is one more day I’m closer to you. I woke up with a feeling I dreamt of you. I wish I knew for sure. I wish I could remember my dreams of you. Keep smiling and sneezing Babygirl. I’ll see you again one day. Until then, make the most of it because I’m gonna be your shadow this time and never leave your side again. I wish like that saying, my tears could build a bridge to come see you.
I love and miss you so much Beautiful
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Snowflaker
Hello, Babygirl-
So, unfortunately, the vet we go to is out of town for a couple days, so I don’t know when exactly we’ll be able to make Kali a vet appointment. I don’t think Grammy was thinking, but on Christmas, she wrapped our gifts with wrapping paper that had snowflakes all over them. It was just a very hard day without you. I wish you could’ve been there. I wish I would’ve just rushed you to an emergency vet that Wednesday night. I feel like you would still be here. I feel like it wouldn’t have been too late. I think they could’ve helped, put you on some type of medication. Even if it was just your time and there was nothing they could do, there’s no reason you should’ve had to suffer. I still remember that day so vividly. I wish I could redo it. I would rather pay off a credit card for the rest of my life to have you here with me for the next few years. You were such a happy girl. There’s no reason you didn’t have a few more years left in you. I learned my lesson the hard way, and I now know how to be a better dog owner. I know what signs to watch for, and when to rush my babies to the vet. I’m so sorry. I wish I knew. I was so scared like usual. But usually everything was fine. I should’ve known. I just wish I didn’t tell myself you were fine like every other time I rushed you to the vet. The vets always said if you were still eating, you were fine. That is the biggest crock of bull crap in this world. I just hope you know I never once left your side, as painful and heartbreaking as it was to watch. I was there the whole time, trying my best to comfort you. I hope you know no matter what I would’ve never left your side. I’m so sorry if my tears upset you. I hope you know how much you meant to me, not just how much I loved you. You meant the world to me.
I love and miss you so much my sweet little princess.
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Snowflaker
Good morning, Snowflake-
I’m trying to decide what to put on your urn, but I think it’s something I’ll need help from daddy and Grammy. I want to get it perfect, for my perfect little Angel. Grammy washed your blankets the other day. The blankets you always laid on in front of the heater. I was so upset when I found out. I wasn’t ready for that. I understand why she did it. I couldn’t take them with me, and I know she didn’t want them just laying there. I still cry for you everyday. I miss you so much. I wish I could visit you. The one thing I wanted for Christmas and the many Christmas’s to come, I’ll never get. You’ll always be the number one thing I want every Christmas and every day. I just wish I could hold you one last time. I wish I could’ve given you the best last few days like you deserved. I’m so sorry.
I love and miss you more than you’ll ever know Babygirl
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Snowflaker
Hello, my Sweet girl-
Today has been four weeks since I last saw your beautiful face in person, held you, and pet you. It was the day we said our good byes. I went through all my pictures and videos of you for a couple hours today. Today was a really lazy day for me. I lacked the motivation to do anything. I wish you were still here. I wish you were the healthy puppy you looked like you were. You unfortunately probably needed put down soon anyway. Your tumors were starting to get really big which scared me. You lived a long healthy life like the vet said you would with them. You were diagnosed back in 2013 I believe. That’s 6 years. Im sorry if you were ever in any pain. You never showed it if you were, unless I just missed the signs. If I knew everything I know now, I would’ve saved all the birthday and Christmas money i could as a kid to get you and Angel fixed. I would’ve done anything for you guys had I known. No one ever told us. I’m sorry you two had to live with cancer almost half of your lives because of it. I’m so sorry for everything Babygirls. I hope you guys are happy and doing well.
I love and miss you both with all my heart
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Snowflaker
Good morning, Babygirl-
I miss you. I miss your little butt wiggles and cuddles. I miss how excited you were to see me. Whether it was when I woke up, when I stepped out for a few minutes or a few hours, after a long shift, or back from college. It didn’t matter how long I was gone. You were always so excited to see me. I was always so happy to see you too. Even on the worst of days. Your beautiful smile. You were always there for me. After my first arrest I was so depressed. It really got to me. You comforted me that whole night and the next few days. I will never forget how loving and compassionate you were. I still blame myself for everything. Why was I so stupid? How could I sit there and think everything would be okay? I feel like I killed you. I let you down. You never let me down. It still doesn’t seem real. How has it been a whole month without you already? This past month seemed to have flown by. I just want you back. Everyone that met you, loved you. You acted like the happiest little puppy. You loved everyone. You were so sweet and cute. I wish I was as loving and forgiving as you.
I love and miss you so much Beautiful girl
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f_defillo1
Snowflake family: very sorry for your loss. Seems you loved her with all your heart. When my puppy died I had alotnof guilt as well. There's some things we can control, some things we.can't control, the most important thing is we loved them with all our heart even if we made some mistakes along the way. Rest assured she's resting at peace in heaven and thankful of having you as a family. God bless.
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Snowflaker
Thank you f_defillo1 for your kind words. I know she’s no longer suffering or in pain. I’m happy for that. I just hope and pray that however she died, it wasn’t due to me not acting quick enough from not realizing the severity. I also hope and pray she wasn’t suffering right before or for awhile. I knew she probably had arthritis because she was moving slower. She had good days and bad days. That’s why I took her to the vet because I didn’t want her suffering if that was the case. I hope by the time things spiraled she was no longer aware of anything and couldn’t feel anything. She was so out of it. I worry she didn’t know I was there with her the whole time. I just hope she remembers I never left her side.
How did you deal with the guilt? I feel like nothing will help. I’m sorry to hear about your loss. I hope you are doing well whether recent or long ago.
Take care
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