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Snowflaker

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Posts: 70
Reply with quote  #1 
The day after Thanksgiving 11/29/19, I had to put my 15 year old Maltese, Snowflake down. Putting her down was probably one of the easiest decisions I ever had to make. I’ll rewind to the previous Thursday. I wasn’t paying much attention, but I noticed she had fallen/stumbled down the stairs out of the corner of my eye. I asked if she was okay and ran to her while she smiled and sneezed at me. She was walking perfectly fine and nothing seemed to hurt her. Saturday I noticed she wasn’t putting much weight on her front right paw. Seeing it was a weekend, I’d decided to give it a few days. Later Saturday evening I noticed she was walking funny on her back legs. I thought maybe it was from compensating for not using her one paw. Sunday she seemed to be doing much better. My boyfriend brought her to visit me at work that night as I worked 24 hours on Sundays. Wednesday she still seemed to be walking a little funny on her back legs, and I decided to take her to the vet incase something was wrong or it was arthritis. Wednesday, the vet started her on 5mg of a steroid for arthritis. A few hours later we noticed her breathing fast and deep. I was extremely concerned, but I thought maybe her cancer had spread to her lungs. (Mine and my sisters dog had past about a year ago from pyometra. We never got them spayed because we never knew the consequences as our vet never told us and they both had breast and ovarian cancer, and there was a chance it could spread to her lungs. Ever since anytime I thought her lower abdomen was swollen, I would rush her to the emergency vet.) I comforted her throughout the night. The next morning (Thanksgiving) when I woke up, she was breathing normally. I gave her the steroid as she was on it twice a day. Later that night I gave her, her second dose. A few hours later she started breathing funny again. That’s when we put the connection together that it might’ve been the steroid. I thought if I called the vet in the morning and didn’t give her anymore, she would be okay. The next morning when I woke up she was breathing normally. I called the vet when they opened. They said they would call back once they spoke to the dr. Within an hour of talking to the vet she started breathing funny again. I comforted her and kept telling myself she’s okay. The steroid just needs out of her system. I waited hours for the vet to call back. Finally around 12 I called and they scheduled her for an X-ray at 2. I got in the shower shortly before 1 (I wish I never left her side, but I thought she’d be okay and I had to work later). When I got out of the shower she was laying in the middle of the hallway. I asked what she was doing, she stood up, smiled and sneezed at me, and went to lay back on her blankets in front of the heater. When she stood up I noticed she had peed where she was laying. This was when I realized something was really wrong, but I didn’t think death wrong. It was about 1:00-1:15. I went and laid with her by the heater for a few moments. That’s when she started wobbling and went limp. I picked her up (her lifeless yet still very much alive body) and placed her on a pillow. I rushed her to the vet. On the way there I was crying uncontrollably. I kept telling her I loved her and everything would be okay. I don’t remember if I was petting her or not. I just remember talking to her and holding the pillow she was on so she wouldn’t fall off my lap. Once in the car, he tongue was hanging out and it looked almost grey. I knew she wasn’t getting the oxygen she needed. About halfway there she started howling and throwing her head back towards her back trying to look back there or something, I’m not sure. I tried picking her up to reposition her incase the way she was laying was hurting. Then, she pooped in the car, and that’s when I knew her organs were shutting down. When we arrived at the vet I ran inside and they took us back immediately. The vet checked her temperature and it was 95.5 and said she was yellow when they checked her ear. He told me she was dying which at that point I already knew. She didn’t once flinch when they put the thermometer up her butt. They shaved her leg to put her down but her blood pressure was too low. They had to shave her neck and euthanize her that way. She didn’t flinch when they put the needle in her neck either. The thought of feeling guilty for euthanizing her never crossed my mind. I didn’t want her to suffer any longer. What I feel guilty for is not rushing her to the vet sooner. I know she was old, but maybe it wasn’t her time. The vet tech said it sounded like her heart was inflamed and she could’ve been put on medication for it. I feel like I didn’t pay enough attention to her needs. The past couple weeks she had wanted to be alone on her blankets in front of the heater. If I called her over to lay with me she always came running, but typically she would return to the heater at some point. I regret not spending as much time with her as I should’ve. I regret thinking rushing her to the vet would’ve been too expensive because there’s no amount of money I wouldn’t pay to have her back. Even if there was nothing they could do, and it was just her time, I wish she didn’t have to suffer the way she did. I regret smacking her butt and yelling at her that morning for peeing on the floor. I’m currently 8 months pregnant and recently I didn’t want her standing on me, which she often did, and I always pushed her to the side. I wish I would’ve just let her stand there. I wish I made her eggs that morning instead of getting in the shower like I wanted to. She still had an appetite which is another reason I thought she was going to be okay. Anytime I went to the vet, they always said if she’s still eating she’s fine. I regret bringing another dog into the home about a year ago. Maybe she stopped fighting because she didn’t feel as loved. Also, me and my boyfriend had noticed on 2-3 occasions her showing seizure like activity. They weren’t that close together, so I thought it was just old age. I read online that unless there’s a lot or they’re close together it’s usually not cause for concern at that age. Me, not thinking didn’t mention that when I had her at the vet Wednesday. I keep thinking she might’ve been in liver failure and the steroid destroyed her liver. I also feel terrible because I know it’s not fair but I sometimes feel like my other dog should have let me know she was dying. She didn’t act any differently that day or the days leading to her death. The worst part is, is I’m an EMT. I should’ve known to check her pulse, breathing rate, skin and gum color. For some reason that never crossed my mind. I so desperately want another dog to help ease the pain, but I don’t know if I’m able to get another dog, and I feel as though I don’t deserve another dog. I’m not exactly sure why I’ve decided to post this here. Maybe to help others because I don’t think anything could lessen this heartbreak and guilt. She was just the perfect dog. She was always there for me when I felt no one else was, and she always knew when I was upset. I feel as though I just completely failed her. It kills me every time people say how much she loved me. I feel she loved me more than I deserved.

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Jan_H

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Reply with quote  #2 
I am very sorry for your loss of your adorable, precious Snowflake. It is normal to have regrets, feel guilty and feel that we should have done more. But clearly you loved Snowflake very much and did what you thought was best at the time. Animals can't tell us how they are feeling and they tend to hide their illnesses from us.

I hope in time you can remember Snowflake and all the happy times you had together instead of just her final days. And some day in the future I hope you realize that you deserve another dog and that another dog deserves you.

Take care of yourself.

My condolences,
Jan
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Snowflaker

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Posts: 70
Reply with quote  #3 
I see death and dying people on a daily basis. How could I have been so blind to the one soul I cared about the most and cared about me the most? I just don’t understand how I didn’t realize how bad it was until it was too late. I would do anything to go back in time and change everything that day.
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Snowflaker

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Reply with quote  #4 
Hi Babygirl. I usually talk to you in my head or write letters on paper or in my phone. I’ve noticed someone else writing letters to their fur baby’s on here. I thought I’d give it a try. I hope if there’s a heaven you can understand my words now. I always wished you could, but now more than ever.
I know right about now you’d be fighting me to go to the bathroom outside because it’s so cold. You never wanted to leave the porch on cold days. There was a thin layer of snow on the ground not long ago and I know you’d of hopped through it like a bunny trying not to step on as much of it as possible. I miss waking up to you on my pillow occasionally. I loved when you slept there. I miss you beyond words can describe. The days seem longer. Nothing’s the same without you to come home to. I’m either numb, trying to stay busy, or just constantly breaking down. You’re always on my mind. It’s hard to find the energy to do anything. I know I wasn’t around as much between work, college, all the dr appointments, grocery shopping, etc. I hope you know that didn’t mean I didn’t love you with all my heart. I hope you don’t think I love Kali more than you. As much as I do love her, she’s not my dog. She always wants her daddy. I’ve tried being there for her because it’s been hard on her too, but she doesn’t want me. She always waits for daddy to come home. As much as she annoyed you at times trying to play, she loved you dearly. She wouldn’t eat her dog food for almost a week at first. She used to look for you everyday. Every time I watch videos of you barking she always tries looking for you. The days I hold your sweater so close and dearly she smells it occasionally and I can tell it upsets her. I can’t bring myself to wash it. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to. I don’t hear you or see you like some people do when their pets pass. I wish I did. I hope you don’t get kicked out of doggy heaven for bullying Angel. I hope you two are playing happily together and Copper as well if you still remember her. I hope you don’t get offended when I get another dog. I could never replace you. You were the perfect dog. I don’t think I could ever have a bond with another dog like we had. You were always the sweetest, most loyal, and caring dog. I just wish I was lucky enough to have a warning so I wouldn’t have any regrets. I wish we could’ve done so much together. I wish I would’ve taken you to get your pictures taken with the Easter bunny the past couple years at PetSmart but I was too busy. I so badly wanted to. I wish I had more pictures of us together, but I only have a few. I wanted to start making you eggs for breakfast everyday and chicken for dinner because I knew you were old and didn’t have a lot of time left. I wanted to spoil you, and again, I was too busy. I hope you’re enjoying everything you missed out on down here. I hope you know how much so many of us are loving, missing, and remembering you.
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Snowflaker

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Reply with quote  #5 
Your daddy and auntie want me to take Kali to see Santa this year. I don’t know how I’m gonna bring myself to do it. It brings tears just thinking about it. I’m sure you would’ve been scared and excited at the same time. It just kills me to do the things with her I never got to do with you. It doesn’t seem fair or right. I can’t wait for the digital picture frame to come in so I can upload all the pictures and videos I have of you on it and setup your little space. I can’t wait to show you. We also can’t decide what all exactly we want engraved on your urn either. It’s something we haven’t even thought much about since a couple days after you passed. It’s so hard. Everything seems like a nightmare I can’t wake from. I wanted us to get professional pictures together once I showed more and then after the baby was born. I wish you could’ve stayed longer to meet her. I know you would’ve loved and protected her like you did me. I found a video when my mom pretended to wake me up by shaking my shoulder. You were so mad. You were my little protector. I was pretending to sleep and you stood on me and growled at her. It was the most adorable thing in the world. I wish I protected you better like you did me. You really did have a 6th sense. You always knew when I was upset and how to cheer me up. Always. I’m so sorry I let you down. I feel like you tried to tell me and I missed it. I just wish you knew how sorry I am. I hope when it’s my time, I’m reunited with you, and you can talk to me. I know you wouldn’t want me to feel this way, but I just can’t help it. I keep blaming myself. You were so forgiving. Even when I yelled when you were bad you either wagged your tail at me to try and make up for it or would put your tail down and go lay down. I feel so bad for all the times I got mad when you were bad. Even if you should’ve known better, I wish I was more understanding. I wish I cherished our time more. I know you loved me dearly. I remember when you used to greet me at the door everyday smiling and wagging your tail at me and running all around the house and howling to emphasize how happy you were. I don’t remember when it stopped, but I knew you couldn’t anymore. I knew you were too old. I hope you know how sorry I am for everything I’ve ever done wrong. I hope you’re doing okay without me. I know if there’s a heaven and you’re there you’re probably worried sick about me too. Just remember to be nice to your big sister up there. I love you soo much babygirl. Goodnight beautiful.
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Snowflaker

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Reply with quote  #6 
Good morning, sweet girl-
Daddy went with me for the NST. I wonder if you knew I was pregnant. I wonder if you ever felt her kick when you were laying next to my belly. They say dogs can smell the hormone changes and know, but your sense of smell had been bad for awhile. I wish I could’ve taken you with me one day. I miss you like crazy. I showed the nurse a picture of you and a video of you and Kali playing. I showed her the video where Kali wacks you with her butt lol. Even when I’m crying it always makes me laugh. I’m not mad you couldn’t stay, but I wish you could’ve met her. She would’ve loved you so much. How could anyone not love you? I’ve never met a dog with as much personality as you. I’ve never seen a dog smile except you. I know you had a long happy life. How else would you of lived 15 years if you were unhappy? I just wish I could’ve had a little longer with you. Just til I was done with college. I could’ve given you all the attention in the world right now. I did it babygirl. Finals were the hardest without you by my side while I studied. You were my motivation and inspiration for doing everything. I knew how much we meant to each other but I never pictured you going so suddenly without warning. I always pictured I’d put you down the humane way in my arms, not crying hysterically and upsetting you. I guess I should just be happy you didn’t die home alone. I used to get so scared when you didn’t hear me come in the door and meet me there. Or the days you’d get yourself trapped in the bathroom somehow and I’d be frantically looking all over the house for you. I don’t know how you’d sneak in there and close the door. Kind of like how you could escape from a cage. You were my little Houdini. You were intelligent beyond your years. You even let Angel out one time. I wish I had setup a camera to catch you in the act to see how exactly you did it.
I love you with all my heart my beautiful babygirl
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Snowflaker

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Reply with quote  #7 
Hello, baby girl-
Still missing you like crazy. One of those days I’ve just been keeping busy or I’ve felt more numb. It almost seems like it’s getting easier which makes me feel awful for saying. I never imagined life without you. I wish I had a sign you were looking over us. It would make me feel so much better. I keep calling Kali Turd and Turd burglar. It upsets me when I do that. She’s neither of those things. You were always my turd burgling turd. I’m just happy your final weeks I let you lick my face. I know how much you missed it. Your breath was always so bad. You used to sneak turds like a kid with candy. Anytime I yelled at you to drop it or went chasing you, you always ate it as quick as possible. I miss your little snaggle tooth as I called it. It used to always scrape off whatever you licked. I miss how your tongue used to hang out of your mouth because you only had a couple teeth left. I remember the day you got most of your teeth removed. The vet should’ve taken them all. Because the few left we’re really bad too. I should’ve known then to go to another vet, but that vet was the cheapest around and money was and still is tight. I wish I could’ve given you the best care money could buy. I think maybe you’d still be here. The debt would’ve been worth it. You were so dopey but happy to see me when I picked you up. It was about 3 years ago now. You tried to dance and you kept sliding on the tile floor in the vets office. I was a wreck all day worrying you wouldn’t wake up from the anesthesia. I’m so sorry they did that to you. I shouldn’t have let them. I didn’t know they put little dogs in a gas chamber until they passed out. I’m so sorry they did that to you. I would’ve never had I known. It’s so cruel to think that’s how they do it. I wish you didn’t have to go through that either. It wasn’t until about a year later that I found that out. I’m so sorry to you too Angel. I was a complete wreck when yours were done too. I hope you don’t think I don’t love you. I miss you like crazy too. You were and always will be my Angel babygirl.
Sweet dreams angels
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Snowflaker

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Reply with quote  #8 
Good morning, Snowflakers-
Today marks 3 weeks since you left me. 3 weeks since I failed you. Today already seems like one those days where it feels like you’re all that I had. You were the only one that was always by my side. Your love was unconditional. I miss you smiling at me. I miss the way your whole butt wiggled when you got so happy wagging your tail. I miss you being by my side when I ate. It was like you purposely would try sneezing on my food because then you knew it’d be yours. I miss your big eyes. They were so beautiful. You were so beautiful. I still remember how soft you were. I still remember everything. It haunts me. I can’t get those images of your suffering out of my head. They’re so vivid it was like it was yesterday. I miss your silly self. It’s so selfish, but I miss you being here to cheer me up. You were my therapy dog, even though you weren’t a therapy dog. My anxiety has been through the roof. For the first two weeks I had chest flutters everyday. I’ve been biting my nails until they bleed. I never want to get out of bed. It’s so hard to force myself some days, but there’s so much to do. We’re almost all settled into our new place. You would’ve loved the big yard. I know you loved it here. I never brought you because all the smoke. I feel so bad all the times we took Kali with us and not you. To Petsmart, fishing, friends, and families houses. We couldn’t bring you both and it was leave you home to wonder around or lock Kali up because she has bad separation anxiety and chews everything. I’m so sorry. You were probably home alone more than I ever realized. At least your Grammy loved you and looked after you while we were gone. It stills breaks my heart though. I feel terrible for everything. I still just don’t understand. That Wednesday you acted like a puppy at the vet. You even hid your pain. You were so excited to be there which was unusual. Maybe that was a sign? I wish I had answers, but I don’t think I ever will.
I love you with all my heart sweet girl. Please never forget that.
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Snowflaker

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Reply with quote  #9 
Hi my turd burglar-
I miss you so much, like always. I miss watching you eat your dog food. It was adorable how you always took a mouthful someplace else and ate a few pieces at a time. I remember the first time you went arooo a couple years ago. Somehow even when you were about 10-12 years old you learned how to arooo. Then you used to arooo anytime I ate because you wanted some. It was the most annoying yet adorable thing. You were so happy. Always. I miss your innocent, sweet, loving spirit here to cheer me up. I don’t know if it was because you were lazy but after you learned to arooo anytime we told you to dance for your treats you used to just go arooo. I thought it was hilarious. You were too smart for your own good, because of course you got the treat anyway. I found a video of you eating corn on the cob awhile ago too. You and Angel were so happy. You guys loved it. I can’t believe it. I’m not sure how you guys did it, but you figured it out, scarfed it down, and loved every second of it. I know I’ve probably told you a million times already, but I miss you so much. I’m sorry you weren’t able to meet babygirl. I know you would’ve loved her. I know you would’ve been her protector. Now you’re her protector in the sky. I hope you’re enjoying yourself. I want to believe you’re missing me as much as I’m missing you, but I want you to have fun up there until we’re reunited again. I don’t want you to be upset. I want you to make new friends. I know there are plenty of small female dogs up there for you to play with. I know you’re not fond of male dogs at all, and some big females you don’t like either. I don’t know how you ever accepted Kali, but I know deep down you love her. At first you used to attack her if and when she ate your food. You would attack her when she tried to play. Then all of a sudden one day you started trying to play with her. I hope she brought you some joy and you enjoyed having her around to play with. You were never a playful dog, more of a support dog that loved to comfort me and keep me company, but you played with Angel, and her from time to time. Again, I’m so sorry I brought another dog around knowing how territorial you could be at times. I hope you don’t think I loved you any less or loved her any more. You stole my heart from day one. Now I’m left with a big void. I still wish that dreadful day 3 weeks ago was all a nightmare. I wish I could snap out of it. I’ll never be the same without you. I don’t know how to go back to who I was..
Goodnight sweet girl, I love you soo much forever and always
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Snowflaker

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Reply with quote  #10 
Good afternoon babygirl-
I’m sorry I didn’t write sooner. I miss and love you so much. We don’t have any milk right now, but I’ve really been wanting some lately. You were so adorable. Before your hearing started to go if I left my milk unattended you would drink it. If you heard me coming you would jump down real fast like nothing happened smiling and sneezing like you always did. If I caught you before you caught me catching you I would stand behind the wall and watch you. If you heard me laugh or move the slightest you would look around. If you didn’t catch me catching you, you would resume. You were the sweetest thing in the world. The last time I caught you drinking my milk you didn’t even hear me. I caught you red handed right behind you. I’m so happy I took your picture. I wish I took a video instead. I wish I took a video of how good you were on thanksgiving though. You say right between me and daddy while we ate. You only tried getting on the table once. I was so proud of you. Then when everyone was done you got a little of everything. Turkey, ham, corn, broccoli, and the rest of my milk. Your belly was so full. You had to take breaks between drinking the milk, which you never did. I was worried your little belly would explode so I took the last little bit away from you. I uploaded the photo I took of you so hopefully you can remember. I miss you so much. I didn’t think it would be possible to miss someone so much. You were literally my daughter, and now you’re gone. I feel so empty still. I love you more than anything beautiful girl. Please never forget that.

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Snowflaker

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Reply with quote  #11 
Hi babygirl,
I know it’s early but I’m feeling very tired right now, and I didn’t want to not write you good night. I wish you were here to keep me company and keep me warm. It’s really cold right now. Your favorite time to snuggle. All the time was your favorite time to snuggle actually. I’m sorry I hadn’t walked you the past couple years. I know you loved your walks. You were so good. I could walk you off leash and if you got too far ahead all I had to do was call you and you’d run back by my side or wait for me to catch up. The only time you didn’t listen was if someone had their car door open. I remember one time and it was probably the first time. You took off and I wasn’t sure why and you wouldn’t listen when I called. Then, I saw you hop in someone’s car. It was so adorable but I was so embarrassed. Thankfully they weren’t mad. I remember another time you and Angel hopped in a family friends car I think it was. Both of your paws were so muddy. You left little brown paw prints everywhere. I would get one of you out and the other would hop right back in. It was a disaster. It was so funny though. I miss taking you for car rides. I miss you trying to sneak on my lap. I miss you sitting on my lap. A few times me and daddy held you up to the window so you could experience what it was like to have your head out. Sometimes you liked it and sometimes you didn’t. You loved the wind, but not too much. On really windy days you loved to face it and just let it blow on your face. You loved when I blew on your face. You would lick me like crazy. I miss it so much. I miss everything. I attached another picture so you can remember our crazy car rides together. I remember you and Angel used to always jump by the back windshield when we were driving and it would make me so anxious. If I was lucky you guys would jump down when I called you. I wish I had the one picture on my phone of you standing on daddy’s stuff at the gas station looking for him when he went inside to pay. You were such a fluff ball in that picture.
Good night sweet girl. Still missing you like crazy. Loving you always.

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Snowflaker

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Reply with quote  #12 
Good morning, little princess-
Do you remember when you were a puppy and you got sick? I was only 6 when I got you. My mom wanted to put you in your cage because she didn’t want her carpet getting ruined because you kept puking everywhere. I pleaded with her to not do that to you because you were sick and couldn’t help it. I laid newspaper all over the floor and sat on the floor with you. You sat on my lap and we watched the care bears movie together. I loved you so much even back then. I wish I could go back and spend more time with you and take care of you like I did when I was little. I used to be so scared to leave you when I’d visit my dad. I never knew what would happen. I would’ve never forgave myself if something happened to you while I was away. I remember when I was younger, I made a picture frame when I was out there because I missed you so much. I found it the other day. The stuff I put around the frame made of popsicle sticks has almost all fallen off. I will forever and always cherish it like everything else of yours you left behind.
I love you more than anything babygirl
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Snowflaker

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Reply with quote  #13 
Hello, Beautiful-
I just wanted to tell you like every other time I write you, how much I love and miss you. I don’t want to heal because I feel like then I’m losing our bond and betraying you. It makes me feel so crappy that I’m not constantly crying 24/7 Like I had for 2 weeks straight. Sometimes I still just cry randomly and uncontrollably, but not as much and it feels wrong. I usually only break down when I’m talking about you or writing your letters. Especially when people tell me how good of a dog mom I was to you, because I feel like I failed you. If I was really a good dog mom I wouldn’t have pushed off what you were going through telling myself you were okay. I would’ve rushed you to the emergency vet. I just somehow didn’t realize how bad it was. I don’t know how I could’ve been so blind. Why didn’t I check your vitals and tell the vet? Maybe they would’ve told me to come in right away. I don’t know what was going through my mind. Maybe because I was so nervous and scared. I was terrified of the what if’s that day and now it’s the what if’s that are still haunting me. I was terrified I’d have to put you down, but at least it would’ve been humane and I would’ve known I was ending your suffering. I would’ve known if there was anything they could do. I just wish I knew. I know it was still humane, but I wish I could’ve prevented your suffering if anything. I’m so so so sorry you had to suffer for what seemed like eternity. I thought with how well you were doing on thanksgiving, acting like a puppy you were okay. I thought so wrong. I just want you here. To hold you one last time. To tell you how much I love you. I love you so much babygirl. I hope you’re doing well. I hope you’re enjoying yourself and not worrying about me. I’ll be okay. Eventually. I can’t wait until we meet again sweetheart.
Goodnight, Babygirl. Please visit as soon as you’re ready.
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CK1991

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Posts: 611
Reply with quote  #14 
I’m so very sorry for your loss! Snowflake was a very beautiful little girl and I can tell by your story that you loved her very much. Feeling guilty is such a part of grieving. We blame ourselves for everything we can possibly think of that we might have done wrong. In time things will become clearer and you’ll realize that you always loved her and she knew it. I can understand you’re feeling badly about smacking her bum because she peed on the floor and I’m quite certain you’re not someone who would ever hurt your baby in any way but being pregnant, the stress of worrying about Snowflake’s health, etc. It all takes a toll. Animals are more understanding of us than we are of ourselves. I loved reading about how you basically grew up together! It’s so understandable why you were so attached and why you are feeling so devastated. I’m sorry to hear you’re having such anxiety but it’s also a part of such a big loss in your life. I think it’s good that you are writing to beautiful Snowflake and I hope it’s okay that I popped in to say how sorry I am in the midst of your letters to your beloved little girl. I remember that pain. It was gut wrenching. I still miss my 2 little dogs but I’ve had much more time than you. I think you need to go easy on yourself during this sad time. Try to rest and drink lots of water. Also, give Kali a chance to comfort you. Animals sense everything! She may be going more to her daddy but she loves you every bit as much. She misses Snowflake and doesn’t know how to feel better so if you are able to bond with her more especially before the baby comes it will really help you both. I believe Kali senses how broken your heart is and she knew how much you loved Snowflake so she may be trying to give you some time but you’re both suffering so let her see you cry and let her comfort you. She will be happy to share her grief and know that you love her enough to share yours. Don’t worry: Snowflake loved her too. They loved each other so you did a very good thing getting Kali. It’s just that grief again making you question everything. I’ve been there but things have become much better. It’s all so sad and I very much hope you find some peace. Remember that Snowflake not only loved you, she knew without a doubt how much you love her! Hugs to you!!!
CK
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Snowflaker

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Posts: 70
Reply with quote  #15 
Good morning, Sweet girl-
I don’t think I told you, but when we moved we got a new bed frame. It has a little cubby hole up top with a small light in it. I told daddy the other day I wish you were still here so we could’ve put your doggy bed in there. It would’ve been your own little dog house. I know you still would’ve slept on the bed, probably on our pillows, but that would’ve made me so happy to see you there. You could’ve hid in there to get away from Kali on the days you didn’t want bothered. We got your digital picture frame yesterday. I think we still need a SD card to transfer all the pictures and videos on it. We still didn’t order your urn or jewelry we got for your ashes. Money has been really tight since I haven’t been working. I can’t wait to carry you around with me everywhere. I can’t wait to have everything setup and show you. You’d be so proud. We love you very very much. Christmas just isn’t going to be the same without you. I don’t know if I even want to go anywhere or do anything. Who’s gonna try and steal my food and put me in the Christmas spirit? I found your Harley Davidson sweater too. My goodness, you were a bad apple in that. I’ll have to transfer the pictures to my phone somehow so I can show you how adorable and bad apple you were. I wish I could’ve seen you in it one last time. I wish I got to see you in the Halloween costume I got you. You would’ve been mother duck with two or three ducklings stringing behind you. I don’t know if you would’ve been scared or not. I think you would’ve been scared but I would’ve been there to comfort you. I was too scared to put it on you incase Kali thought it was a game or toy. I didn’t want her to hurt you. I wish I could’ve gotten a video of you wearing it. I was so upset the day I found it.
Loving and missing you like crazy
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