Sorry so long, bear with me. Yesterday morning I lost my 14 yo yorkie to his battle with congestive heart failure. I work in Radiology and was aware what this diagnosis meant for his future the years prior, but gave him daily medication religiously and did everything I could to keep him in great health. I stayed at a friend's house Saturday night for a small get together. My boyfriend works graveyard hours. When I left my home at 8 pm, Snoop was doing fine. He had been coughing a lot lately, and we had seen our vet Thursday who told us the lungs sounded clear and gave us an antibiotic for the cough. But he was fine when I left. I woke up at my friend's house at 7am to a text from my boyfriend, who said at 3am when he'd taken Snoop out that he had used the restroom fine, but he had vomited and been panting very hard. I rushed home after seeing that, so around 7:30am I was home. Snoop had thrown up more, and seemed to be gasping for air. He also didn't want me near and kept trying to hide. Panicked, I took him to an er vet clinic, where they took him from me instantly and put him on oxygen. Finally, the vet saw me where she explained that his heart was giving up and his lungs were full of fluid. He couldn't breath well even with assistance of oxygen. He was suffering, and I knew that. So I made the hardest decision to end his suffering. My boyfriend couldn't leave work, so my (and snoops) friend came to be with us in his final moments. I held my hand on his belly and held his paw as he took his last breath at 10 am. I've been sick with grief and guilt since. I can barely eat, and I can't stop the tears. Though I know it was his time and the right thing to do, I can't help but wonder if he felt anything or if he is at peace. I feel so lost and alone and would have done anything to save him. I've never lost a close pet before, or put one down, so I feel like I'm losing it. How do I cope while I go into this next stage of life?
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I am so sorry about Snoop.  It sounds like you cared for him so well, to have managed his condition for quite some time. I guess his poor little heart couldn't keep going any longer.
I think for sure you did the right thing. His body was in crisis without hope of a cure or palliative care which would have worked at that stage. He couldn't breathe, and that is intolerable, so you made the right decision. But it has come as a terrible shock. You didn't really get much time to prepare for his leaving.

There is -I know -very little I can tell you right now which is going to ease your pain. The first days of the absence of a loved one are very hard to experience. Grieving never actually 'goes away' but gradually changes shape inside us. I clearly remember my sense of being completely lost and with nowhere -ANYWHERE to turn, after my own girl passed. Every place I trod -she had been there with me. Every room, in the car, out in the fields....everywhere. I did not know what to do with myself.
Not being able to eat .... I couldn't eat for a few days. The one thing that made me eat again was the awareness that she loved food and would have not refused it herself.

Yet all through the loss, and those first days/weeks, I kept sensing her love. I kept feeling LOVE! It made no sense because she was gone.

Yet in a while she managed to get through to me for sure, and ended up showing me without doubt that our loved ones live on. No longer on Earth in a physical body -but they certainly live on. I wouldn't have believed that. But my Misty showed me. So I would like to pass that on to you. Snoop has passed into a different way of being but he still IS. And he still loves you very much. He will feel so very much better now he has left his physical body which wasn't working properly.

Sensing my girl's love from the 'other side' has been the only thing which has kept my heart and Soul together all these years. The least I can do is let you know what she showed me.
Hold the love like a little light. It is all you have, or will ever have, to find your way home.

Misty's Blog..a Dogfight with Cancer

Misty's life after death:
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Thank you so much mistysmama. Friends and family have given me an abundance of love and reassurance, but hearing an outsiders point of view helps so much. I also took him everywhere! Dallas is very dog friendly, and he loved rides in the c-a-r. So it's hard to not have memories of him all around. I keep thinking he's angry with me for letting him go because I've been begging for a sign that he's okay and at peace and haven't noticed any as of yet. But it's only day one without him. I know he loved me, as I did him, and am just trying to keep my faith that God has taken him in and that he's in the best possible state now. It's so much different from any loss I've ever had. He was really my boyfriends dog when we first met, but he has been in my life these past 6 years and had become my baby.
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