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cindya

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Reply with quote  #1 
Hello everyone

My furbaby Kenshin is not even seven years old. He is very active, playful and extremely smart husky/australian shepherd mix and has been my best friend since I adopted him. He is my hiking partner, tent warmer, biggest supporter, adventurer, and the best thing that has ever happened to me. He started having issues in April and one vet said he broke his back and gave me many medications, one almost killed him, another said he had an autoimmune disease. He had all the right symptoms and got better for a minute on steriods but then got worse a few months later. We got a CT scan and got the news he has aggressive bone cancer in his jaw, it is in his lymph nodes and surgery and chemo won't do much but have him suffer to live a few more months. I feel like I am dying, I try really hard to be there for him but I look at him and start crying. I took him hiking, I play with him every day, we go to the park, to the pet store to get treats and toys, he gets whatever he wants but it is so hard. I just lost our other pup, a 13 year old German Shepherd, to cancer in May. She was diagnosed and passed three weeks later. I then went through a break up with a long term boyfriend of five years a month before finding out Kenshin has cancer. Kenshin loves my ex and we are on good terms, I told him what had happened and he gets to have Kenshin a few days a week, bringing him to work with him. Kenshin is very happy with him and gets to see all our neighbors who love him too and it gives me a second to try to get it together to be there for him. I love this dog so much, I can't sleep, can hardly eat, I cry all the time. I know I am lucky to have time with him and to make memories while we can and I try really hard not to cry around him but it is so hard. I am having a professional photoshoot with him Saturday and plan on playing and going on adventures every day until it is time to say goodbye. I won't have him suffer like our last pup who passed away slowly. I feel like I can't take much more grief. I am seeing a counselor this week but I want to be there for my pup, I am struggling to do so. If anyone can offer advice to help cope while he is still here I would appreciate it.  71184848_10156870229173737_7067192613383700480_n.jpg 


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Every day will be his best day until it's time to say goodbye
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pannklaus

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Reply with quote  #2 
I am very sorry that your beloved Kenshin is so sick and nearing the end of life.  He and you have both gotten a bad break with him having a serious illness when he is just six years old---but it does happen.  You have all the right ideas about doing everything possible that you can do with him while you have him even though you are already grieving over your other lost pup.  Don't wait too long to make that final difficult decision if you see that Kenshin is suffering and no longer is enjoying his life.  All of your feelings right now are normal and are part of the grieving process.  There is no way to make the pain of grieving go away. Some people find some comfort being in this group where there are lots of people who understand what you are going through.
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Stealthcat

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Reply with quote  #3 
I am so sorry to hear about your pup Kenshin, he is beautiful. It sounds like you are giving him the time of his life! It is so hard to enjoy the time knowing it is limited, and everyone here definitely understands what it is like to lose a special member of our family. I hope you'll continue to talk in the forum because it does seem to help to not feel so alone in grief. 
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SureShot

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Reply with quote  #4 
I'm sorry.  We're in the same boat.  Found out about our 7 year old labradoodle last Thursday, and I'm still reeling.  Haven't told the kids yet.  I'd like them to have a little more time in blissful ignorance.  I'd like to go back to not knowing.
Don't even know ya, but I'd give you a hug.  This sucks.
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cindya

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Reply with quote  #5 
Thank you everyone for your support. The tumor is on his tmj in his jaw and is effecting his nerves. He has started twitching but the vet doesn't think he is in pain and he only does it when falling asleep initially but it's hard to watch. I take him out to the park and on short walks to play ball. Today he played for almost two hours, I have noticed a change in his bark and this morning he did not want to eat his dogfood, even with canned gravy dogfood and special homemade food. He did eat hot dogs and steak but this afternooon he doesn't want to eat anything, even treats. We are going to the vet to see if he can help. Kenshin acts pretty normal otherwise but not eating has me very concerned. I am trying really hard to be there for him and not to let him know anything is wrong but things are getting bad quickly. I won't hold out if it is time, I don't want him to suffer and I love him more than anything. I don't know how I will function once everything is finished. He is my best friend and the best thing that's ever happened to me and it's killing me to see him like this. I give him kisses and snuggles as much as I can and am spoiling him as much as he can be. Hopefully he starts eating, if not we might have to call it this weekend. 
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AllieGM

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Reply with quote  #6 
I'm so sorry. 
I had a similar experience: my kitty daughter's jaw disintegrated after the vet removed a broken tooth.  They said it was cancer, and I'll never prove otherwise, but the pathology was sloppy and I believe there was bacterial infection from something she had long ago, (TL,DR) that came back thanks to veterinary carelessness.  Anyway, I fought for 6 months to save her, so I know what it's like knowing the time is running out.  It's so hard.
I read somewhere, when there are more bad days than good days, then you'll know it's time.  That doesn't make it any easier.  Until then, make all the time together you can... take pictures and video.  Maybe you won't be able to look at them for a while, but eventually you'll be glad you have those memories recorded.
He's a beautiful dog.
A counsellor is a good idea... I'd have done it if there had been one anywhere nearby.  I wish you comfort through this sad journey.
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cindya

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Reply with quote  #7 
Hello everyone, 

As of today he can no longer chew anything. That means no fetch, which is pretty much his favorite thing in his world. He acts more tired, he twitches, he can't get comfortable when he sleeps. He has diarrhea, he wont eat anything but hot dogs. I am taking to the vet tomorrow, I feel like we have much less time than we thought.  I try not to cry around him, I take him out every day and love on him but it is so hard to watch. I don't want him to suffer but don't want to make the call early. I have a list of questions to ask the vet.  I think he knows he is sick, he is happy on his walks but looks upset otherwise. I feel so bad for him, I know the day is coming and I can't stand it. I can hardly sleep, eat or think. I am trying really hard but my heart is breaking

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Every day will be his best day until it's time to say goodbye
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pannklaus

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Reply with quote  #8 
I am so sorry about the continuing decline of your precious fur baby Kenshin.  I think you know in your heart the decision that will need to be made and the pain of even thinking about it is too much to tolerate.  But it is time to put Kenshin first.  What kind of quality of life does he have now?  Is there any hope of improvement or will it just get worse?   I hope that you have a sensitive and caring vet who can help you work your way through the decision.  It is the hardest decision many of us ever make.  The desire to wait more day is always there.  The guilt of feeling the decision was made too quickly or too slowly haunts many people here.  The intense grief that follows once Kenshin is gone will be very difficult to handle.  But there are a large group of people here who are in some stage of going through the same things.  We can offer support as you grieve but there is no way that any of us can make it easy.  You are very much in my thoughts and prayers as you struggle through this very difficult time.
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