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Blazin65
Always Looking out for Us! Kacey 4a.jpg 
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Blazin65
One of the ways I have coped is that I feel as if she is saying in this photo:  

Kacey 5a.jpg  BE HAPPY FOR ME!
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Tazzy
What a cute dog she was
I'm sure she had a very happy life and that she misses you just as much as you miss her

Might I recommend maybe helping out at a shelter during this time of grief, it may help to put your time into helping and loving those dogs like you did with Kacey

Maybe not so soon, you may still need some more time to grieve your loss, but when you're ready I would definitely recommend checking it out

Best Wishes
Kate
"Sometimes when someone or something you love dies, you just have to be happy they ever even existed" -Mara Wilson 

love you forever and always
R.I.P. Taz
2010-2016
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Georgiapeaches
Kacey is beautiful . You were truly blessed to have had the chance to have been loved and love such a beautiful dog. She looks so happy in the last photo. Reminds me of something Georgia used to do in the snow. She would roll over and rub her back in the snow and it looked like snow angels.
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Mistysmama
Kacey is a lovely gorgeous girl. I am so very sorry for your loss.

I honestly think you did exactly the right things for your Kacey. My own girl, Misty passed from Hemangiosarcoma at one month short of 15. I know what this is like. She was all I had too; my sister, my companion, my Soul friend, my best friend....everything.

My girl was incredible for nearly 15. She had tremendous energy and youthfulness....no arthritis, loved her food, loved her walks, playing frisbee, etc. But she suddenly -overnight -developed a smooth lump on her ribs. I took her to be checked, and when the vet said possible Hemangiosarcoma (and it was likely to be on her spleen too) I didn't -couldn't believe him. Misty seemed well.

So only a few days after that, from having a brilliant day just before, she suddenly had an internal bleed. The vet said she could possibly live for months, with only a bleed now and then. He said if they were slow bleeds like little leaks, they could be managed with rest and nursing care for a couple of days, then she would return to full quality of life.

I guessed 'two weeks max.' I was not far wrong.

Knowing what I did about this cancer I realised there was no cure, no treatment, and the cancer had already spread all over. It was carried in her bloodstream, so there wasn't one place it couldn't get to, and probably already had. The vet told me removal of the spleen was not a great idea as it was also on her liver and just about everywhere else (subcutaneous) He was fearful she would bleed to death on the table. I agreed.

I opted for hospice care at home (similar to you) I was lucky inasmuch as I could be with her every minute. I didn't have to go out to work. I knew that at any time she could bleed out. She hardly knew anything was wrong. She was okay -ish, the only 'ish' bit meaning she had slowed down a lot, and I could sense she was getting ready to leave -though she didn't seem to have any pain and was still loving life. I let her do things in her own time.
If ever I have lived completely 'in the moment' it was during those last precious few days with my girl. Those days were very poignant, not all gloom and doom, but happy in a sad way....if you know what I mean.

Then the big bleed came, and I watched over her through the night as the vet advised, waiting for it to stop. It didn't stop. It got worse, and there was no coming back from it. Early in the morning I had her put to sleep.

I know I did not let her down. And it is obvious you didn't let Kacey down either.
Hold the love like a little light. It is all you have, or will ever have, to find your way home.

Misty's Blog..a Dogfight with Cancer http://www.mistysblog69.blogspot.co.uk

Misty's life after death: http://www.dog2spirit.com
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camunki
my heart goes out to you and Kasey....my dog had Hemangiosarcoma and passed away at 11 years 2 months old....i first recognized this lump on my baby Wrinkles in August, and had a biopsy done in November (i waited so long, cuz the intern told me the lump was nothing,without any diagnosis, my gut said something different and I finally had a biopsy done in November) needless to say, once part of the cancer, yes he had hemangiosarcoma.....in 2 places..... was taken out, the Vet found a big softball size tumor on my babys abodomen/spleen area.....only choice was to go in take
both lumps out........unfort. my dog passed away 2 days after the biopsy. I do know Hemangiosarcoma is a vicious, aggressive cancer and as much as i wanted to help my baby Wrinkles live longer, i had no choice, the cancer erupted in his body and it was too late.

Please do not feel guilt, you saved your Kasey from alot of pain........i know Hemangiosarcoma is more aggressive than not, and it takes our pets away quicker than we can think or change things. I am glad you were able to spend your last 6 days with your baby, knowing that you love him and had to be his caretaker and make choices. Please do not regret choices, as myself, I would always want all my dogs to stay a lil' bit longer in life......but sometimes their health is what we need to watch out for.

Hugs your way.

Cam


 
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Eddiesmom
Awe, so cute.  How did you get a picture in, I cannot figure it out.
I'm with you in that not only do I miss Eddie at home, in the yard, on our walks but in the car...his big head was always there when I looked in the rear view mirror. So sad.

And Henry too.  Because he couldn't see or stand long, he did like to stick his head out the window and feel the wind but again couldn't stand long so I'd sing to him, all kinds of made up songs with his name in them, while driving.
Sue E
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LUCYLULU
Oh I am so sorry to read about Kacey. What a beautiful girl. I love her picture looking out the window. So calm & peaceful. Her 'happy' spot.  I understand what you describe. Spent 8 days with my Lucy.  Torn about potential surgeries, risks, & outcomes. She was in big pain. Couldn't sit. Couldn't walk. And the last days not eating. Her eyes were so sad...and contorted in pain. Felt like she was telling me that she was tired....depleted...that it was time. But I felt like I let her down. Made a decision when sleep deprived. Afterwards I questioned everything-- especially the decision to take her pain. 

It is only after all of these 5+ months that I can replay the decision & accept that I chose to end her pain because of how very much I loved her. Every single day, I miss Lucy. But the guilt and replay are wicked. And the empty feeling inside is real....because you miss Kacey so much. She will always will be a part of you-- your heart. The connection is too strong to just end. ( I did a Marianne Soucy's Spirit message. (on line 'Healing Pet Loss')  Someone here said it wasn't so good. But for me, the message from Lucy, albeit brief, really helped me.  When I read it & look @ Lucy's picture, it gives me a moment of 'peace'. )

Please also come here often. Everyone here is grieving too. We understand how unbearably hard it is to be in the world without your girl. And the feeling that you let her down is sadly familiar to many of us. But deep down, you made the unselfish decision because she didn't want her to suffer. Keeping her longer would have been for you. Please try and take each day-- hour to hour & moment to moment. Keep talking to her. Watch for signs. It's afterwards, in grieving her & missing her, that you worry you let Kacey down. Please know that you did not. You gave her years of love. And because of your love, she had a peaceful passing...crossing over the Rainbow Bridge. Hugs, Kasey
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Blazin65

Thank you so much everyone.

Eddies Mom,

The way I was able to get pictures small enough to upload was that I used the "Paint" feature in my computer.  If you click on the lower left Start button, in my computer at least, there was a "paint" program.  If you open that program, then do file/ open your your big picture (heavy magabite picture) then there is a Resize option.  You should be able to figure out what to do at that point.  

Hope this helps 

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Blazin65
Thank you everyone about your experience with Hemangiosarcoma.  Mistysmama I can't believe all that you went through. That had to be tough.  

I think the reason I sometimes feel so bad is that Kacey was not having it that bad as some have described with their pets last days.  

But I just didn't want her to have to go downhill and have any bad days at all.  And when I was not home, who am I to know that she was sitting or laying in pain and anguish and feeling lonely, even if it was only minor pain.  

It's one thing to leave a dog at home when you go to work, or to board her when you have to go out of town.  But if the dog has a softball size tumor they are toting around, ?  I'm sure she was excited when I got home and put on a happy face for me.  But my friend was needing my full love and attention.  Not just at night.

I miss her so much.  Hard to even write about it.  

But thank you again everyone.   
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Dom
"I spent the next 4 hours feeding her a 5 piece chicken dinner"

I think that is so awesome.  I lost my Apollo to lymphoma several months ago.  We went through chemo and trying to keep him alive as long as possible.  Woke up one morning, about a month after diagnosis (hoping for at least 6 months of life) and a few days after his last chemo, to my wife screaming and crying that Apollo had died.  I honestly can't say which would be easier, waking up to find your dear friend dead under the dining room table, or taking him to the vet to be put to sleep.  I can tell you this much, without a doubt, I wish I could have given Apollo a chicken dinner before he passed.

I'm really sorry for your loss of Kacey.  You absolutely did the right thing.  Surgery would have been painful for her, and it wouldn't have saved her life.  Feeling guilty about it is a totally normal, and you should be very thankful that Kacey didn't have it as bad as some other dogs.  I also know this, if Kacey wasn't in pain and lying in anguish when you were home, she wasn't when you were at work.  I'm sure she did miss you, like she missed you every other day you went to work, but that just made coming home that much more wonderful.  These are the harsh realities we have to deal with when we buy that cute little puppy and make a lifelong commitment to them.  It hurts when they go, and it's supposed to hurt, because that means we loved them so, so much.  It's clear, you loved Kacey, and that's even more awesome than giving her chicken dinner on her last day.      
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