Most nights I drive to our park. I picture you here, sniffing the green grass. Smelling for other dogs and wild critters. As soon as we pull into the lot, you stand up, put the window down with your paw and anxiously beg to get out. The joy this place brought to your heart was immeasurable. We came 4-5 times a week. II felt so good that I was able to experience that elation you got from coming here. I felt like I was taking care of you, knowing what you needed and showing you love. Your happiness brought me happiness. I watch people at this park now, walking their dogs, riding their bikes, I feel angry. I feel jealous. To see the care free enjoyment they are getting, they still have their babies and I’m mad. I don’t know why I couldn’t have had more walks with you, more car rides, more cuddles, more kisses, more parks, more toys, more treats, more time. Each and everyday I tell myself I would do anything to hold you again. My full of life, tenacious , loving, loyal, naughty, fun, playful, sneaky, funny, clever one in a billion son. I’ve been replaying the days before your passing in my mind. Trying to make sense out of this trauma. The only conclusion I have is that my baby was ripped from me, from my life, from his Mom. I keep thinking if I can put the pieces together, if I can make sense of it, that somehow, that will bring you back. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone. Love, your mom. 
Laraine Esposito 
Quote 1 0