dachsiemom
Emily Dickinson wrote about The Bustle in a House, The Morning After Death. That is certainly true, but after the bustle comes the silence.  It has been almost four weeks since the death of my little dog, Brandon.  My house and my days are now filled with silence, and the noise that is missing is the sound of my voice.  When he was alive I chattered and sang to him constantly as I carried him up and down stairs, tended to his needs, or just went about my daily routine.  I had a lot of little nonsense songs I had made up to sing to him, and as I sang to him I would shower him with affection.  Brandon is gone now, and I am silent.
Moira
Moira - remembering Brandon
"Better lo'ed ye canna be. Will ye no' come back again?"
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jimmy17
Hi Moira - I was just about to post on your previous thread when I noticed your new one above.    I understand exactly about the silence  - I took early retirement from work just 4 weeks after losing Jim, and each day after my husband had left for work the absolute quietness in our home was so palpable that in the end I started talking to Jim as if he was still able to hear me, and I know it sounds silly but it really helped.  I then discovered that a lot of us here on the forum have also done this - and who knows, perhaps our little one`s can still hear us when we talk to them, so I would keep on singing those songs to Brandon...       Wishing you a weekend filled with many happy memories of your sweet little Brandon. 

                                                                                                           Hugs, Jackie.
J Taylor
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msweet13
Dearest Moira - Like J Taylor, I do the very same thing. I also believe at some level they hear us. I wish you both, Moira and J, that Brandon and Jim's memories fill your hearts with comfort and sweetness. God Bless
Denise (Brutus' Mom)
Brutus von Dolce
06/19/2006 - 03/16/2018
RIP my sweet beautiful boy
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dachsiemom
Dear Jackie and Denise-  Thank you so much for taking the time to read and reply to my post.  You ladies are awesome. Denise, I have read about the recent loss of your beloved Brutus, and hope that you will be able to find peace.  This forum is helpful.  I am a mature, intelligent, educated woman with a wonderful husband, a wonderful sister close by, 3 wonderful children, 5 young grandchildren, and many supportive friends.  But the children and grandchildren live far away, and I don't want to drive the husband, sister and friends crazy talking about my grief over a dead dog. 
I will try talking and singing to Brandon again.  He was deaf for the last years; maybe he will hear me better now. 
Moira  

Moira - remembering Brandon
"Better lo'ed ye canna be. Will ye no' come back again?"
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msweet13
Of course he will hear you now--now he is perfect. Just like my Brutus will see even though his cataracts from the diabetes were getting worse. Imagine how wonderful--our fur-babies are perfect again!!
Denise (Brutus' Mom)
Brutus von Dolce
06/19/2006 - 03/16/2018
RIP my sweet beautiful boy
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catiebee
Moira, it's really tough, the silence. On so many, many levels. I understand and my heart goes out to you.  I hope the grief soon starts to ease for you, and I wish you much comfort.
Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
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Purzel
Hi Moira,
I also wanted to reply on your last post but now I saw your new one. Hm.... you gave me a thought here I had not considered - thank you for that. You see, I was so so sad about the silence the "day after" and the coming days. I did not realize until I read your new thread that it was me actually that contributed to this silence. Just like you I did talk to Max all the time and I sang very often to him (he loved that!) and when he was gone I saw no sense in going on. Max had also gone nearly deaf in his last year but I still continued to sing and even tho he might not have heard me he still felt my joy in singing.

I did continue to talk to Max and sing for him even tho he was gone after a while and it comforted me -just like J Taylor and Denise wrote- but it never really got to me that it was my own voice to bring the silence into the house the day he was gone.

So good to hear about your wonderful family and supportive friends - you are a rich woman. Still, I hope you can start to sing again and enrich yourself with joy in doing so.

My good thoughts are with you
Silvia (with Max forever in my heart)

[hundi]


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dachsiemom
Silvia-  Looking at the picture of your Max I can tell that he must have been a very special dog. Although I never knew him and have never met you it is easy to imagine you singing to him as I sang to my little Brandon.  They may have been deaf but they heard us on some level and knew we loved them.  I hope you have been able to find joy after loss.  I hope we all can.  -Moira
  
Moira - remembering Brandon
"Better lo'ed ye canna be. Will ye no' come back again?"
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CatMomStacey
I understand how you feel. My beautiful Sasha was the last pet I had, and the house is just filled with so many reminders. The little things, you know? Her bowl not being in the kitchen anymore, or not leaving the bathroom door open to get into her litter box, etc. It's gotten to the point where being in my house gives me intense anxiety and borderline panic attacks and I just stay in my room when necessary. It's the only place I feel calm. [I can LEAVE the house, too, but I have to keep my mind occupied.]
Stormy
09/2002 - 11/23/2016

Sasha
5/2008 - 4/27/2018
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dachsiemom
That sounds very familiar.  Right after a beloved pet dies it is so difficult to be in the house because everything triggers a memory.  Your loss is very recent so you are at the lowest point now.   Keeping busy can help but of course there are times when you just have to be still and experience the sorrow.   My heart goes out to you.  -Moira
Moira - remembering Brandon
"Better lo'ed ye canna be. Will ye no' come back again?"
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Purzel
Hi Moira,
Thank you for your loving words towards my Max. And yep, he was a special dog (but I dont know anyone who would not say so about her/his beloved one) so I guess all of them were special. Singing was a favored to me and to Max. I have a quite nice voice and did sing in a gospel choir for some years - I practised at home and learnt how much Max loved to hear me sing. He even did have his favored songs. So yep, I sang to him ever so often, also when we went for walks and when I started to sing the tail would wag the dog, lol.

Yes, I am now able to find joy after loss (it's been four months now), I miss him deeply but I do enjoy my life. I have a lovely husband, a nice little house with my beloved enemy garden, a challenging job, some nice friends and quite some hobbies. I love arts and everything that has to do with it. And I know deep down in my heart that Max would have never wanted me to be unhappy - he was the one devoted to joy and happiness and definitely taught me how to live the here and now. Maybe he even taught me what life is all about...

I hope you could manage to sing again in honor of Brandon

PS
I love dachshunds - they have great personalities


Silvia (with Max forever in my heart)

[hundi]


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dachsiemom
I'm not sure how good my voice is but I have taken your advice and started singing to Brandon again. At first it was difficult to do without crying, but I am slowly recovering.  In fact, I find myself singing to all my special pets who have gone.  Now Brandon is with them.   I am glad that you are also able to find joy in your life after Max.  Keeping busy does really help.  For the first couple of weeks after Brandon died I found it very difficult to go into my sewing room, perhaps because Brandon was always there with me.  I usually spend many hours every day on my quilting, but for those weeks my sewing machines sat idle and so did I.  Was this a problem for you also?  
Moira - remembering Brandon
"Better lo'ed ye canna be. Will ye no' come back again?"
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KahluaHendrix
Dear Moira,

I know exactly how you are feeling.  I am so sorry for your loss of little Brandon.  Since my little Lhasa Apso, Kahlua, died almost three months ago, I have been at a loss. I miss him so, but it's really more than that.  He kept me busy and spontaneous. Not only is my house very quiet, I have lost my vigor and spontaneity. He got me out of the house by 6:30 each morning and then several other times during the day, too. Now, I have to really motivate myself to get going. Time is a healer, but we will continue to miss our beloved companions.  What you are going through is normal behavior.  You must grieve, because it is a huge loss....a family member, really, but more than that. Keep talking to Brandon, it helps.  Who knows, he may be listening.  Take care and eventually, it does get better.

Barbara
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Purzel
Hi Moira,

Singing is one of the healthiest things one can do. It brings joy and is very good for our lungs. I am glad you started with it again and just like you I did cry at first and still do at times when singing Max' favored ones. But not because I do not like singing but because I miss him - there is the very important difference.

I do not believe it makes much sense to stop all the things we once loved to do simply because there already is pain enough missing our beloved ones and slowly coming to terms that they are not here to join in. We do not have to ad to it by avoiding the things that had done us well. There will be reminders everywhere because they were everywhere, in fact I shared almost every minute of my life with Max. So how should the consequences look like?

To answer your question in truth: It highly depends how you look at this as I did explain my way of looking at this above. So no, I had no problems with doing the nice things that had always enriched my life - even before Max was here - but I knew the memories of him sharing my joy would be more present and connected with the tears of missing him at those "special" places.

Worse are the things Max and I invented together, many of them I cannot do anymore, which is truly saddening and I will have to find other things instead as time goes.

I hope I could help some with my thoughts.

PS
Wow, you do quilting? How beautiful! (If you dont mind, have me see your art work gladly via pm)
I say this because I've always wanted to do this but never knew how, lol


Silvia (with Max forever in my heart)

[hundi]


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