alexxlev
Good evening, I lost my cat Felix 2 days ago and I suppose I am looking for some sort of closure.
I took him to the vet about 2 weeks ago because he had bad breath. They told me he had in fact very very bad teeth and that most of them would have to go... and that he was in a great deal of discomfort. I was shocked.. He is only 7! My poor kitty would be toothless! But, the vet wasn't done bringing in the bad news. She tells me Felix has a pretty bad heart murmur and that could potentially mean he has some sort of heart disease.
I was in disbelief. My first reaction was to get him out of his immediate pain by having his teeth extracted. And thats what I did, I booked an appointment for surgery despite the higher risk due to his heart murmur... I could not handle the thought of him being in pain so he needed to have the surgery.
The vet calls me after his surgery is done to tell me he was now fine but he did have a cardiac arrest during he surgery - he barely made it out but he was FINE now. They couldn't finish the surgery but they did get out a lot of the bad teeth.
Fast forward - he is home after his surgery and seems to be doing so much better. His mood is better due to him no longer being in pain. I was so happy. Unfortunately it took a very dark turn. 3 days after surgery, he wakes me up in the middle of the night - I can hear him struggling to breathe... Grasping for air... We immediately get into the car at almost 3am and drive to the emergency center... the vet says his prognosis is not good and the most human thing to do would be to let him go. He had fluid in his lungs and was in bad shape. That even if we tried to save him he would never live a normal life. So we let him cross the rainbow bridge
It kills me to think he had been doing so well after surgery only to unexpectedly die 3 days after... On top of that, he had to die without me, due to COVID19 restrictions. I feel lost... Guilty...
Alex
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JulieF
Alex,

I am so sorry about the loss of Felix and at such a young age.  Please don't feel guilty, although I know it is hard.  You were a good pet parent and took him to the vet when you noticed something wrong with him.  You did the right thing by wanting to end his pain and have his teeth extracted, you even noted that he seemed to be happier when he got home.  All we can do is the best we can for our babies - and you did that.  You loved him and he had a great life with you.  You are experiencing grief and guilt and that is normal.  It comes in waves for a while - sometimes it feels like it is overwhelming and you can't deal with it.  Your heart has a hole in it that will never be filled again - but, eventually, you will feel better in small increments.  

You found a great place - everyone here knows exactly how you are feeling and will be able to provide some comfort.  I had to put my baby out of pain over 5 weeks ago due to advanced kidney disease - he was a 19 year old tuxedo cat, Patch.  I knew the end was coming - I had been told a few months earlier.  But I still felt guilt and incredible grief.  He was my special boy.  I now can remember him and smile.  I have his ashes in a box on his favorite chair.  I talk to him a bit and pet him.  I wish I could have him back, but that cannot be. 

Bless you and hugs.
 
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alexxlev
Hi Julie, thank you for your kind words. It does help knowing people are feeling similar emotions.
You are right it does feel like there is a hole in my heart. I feel like I'll never find another cat like him. Our family has 2 other cats, but I dont feel a connection with them which makes me sad. They are simply not like my boy.
I wasnt able to get his ashes due to financial restraint after all the vet bills but I keep his figure blanket and I smell it everyday. I miss him so much...my heart is broken. 
Im sorry to hear about Patch. 19 years with him must have been wonderful. Hold on tight to the memories. 
I attached a picture of Felix. Please feel free to share your Patch with me.

Kindly,
Alex
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milosmommy
I'm feeling very similar as you are. With the COVID restrictions, my baby had to pass away on his own as well. I feel so guilty. I feel like he's mad at me. Like I abandoned him. Like I let him down. 
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alexxlev
🙁 In retrospect, I wish i had just held him in my arms (home) as he was dying. But even if there had been a 1% chance of him surviving i had to try... I like to think he knew I was trying to save him  and i would have done anything to do so. I like to think he recognizes that as me loving me so so much.
I hope his transition was quick and painless
Alex
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