I won't dominate the forums since so many of us are hurting. I wrote a week or so ago about the loss of my best friend of 15 years, Miki. Feeling extra raw tonight, any words will help.

I'm still consumed with the "Not her." She's supposed to be here. With me. I'm incredibly frustrated that nothing I do will bring her back. She loved LIFE, why did it have to be so short?

I try not to ruminate on feeling guilty about things because she had a really great life. BUT, after spending so much time at the vet or up all night with her diarrhea I committed all my time to the end.

I lived alone, quit my job and moved in with my mom to help me. Miki LOVED grandma. Grandma LOVES Miki. So, I started to feel secure leaving her for periods of time when with my mom.

Then this one day her little head popped out of the door as if to say "Take Meeee!" I did. Now I wonder if she felt I deserted her all the times I took a few hours for myself. If she always wanted to come and I missed it. And in her last month's WHYYYY would I choose I needed breaks then? I didn't cherish every moment and I feel horrible for the times I put her second. Wasn't often but I did.

I really need her to come home now. I said this in my last post, but if I knew with 100 percent certainty she was somewhere ok. I could live with that. I can't stand not knowing if she knows how important she was to my life. That I loved her more than the world. My heart is still shattered. I feel completely alone.

Thanks for listening.

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She knew. I'm sorry for the loss of your Miki. She knew how much you loved her, I hope you know that.
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Hi, I`m so very sorry for your loss. Miki was a beautiful girl, and please believe me that she knew how much she was loved.   We lost our dog 9  months ago, and I also remember thinking about all the times I could have been there with him but had to go out - even though my mum would look after him, so I knew he was just fine. Looking back to those first awful days/weeks, I think grief really gets in the way of all our other emotions, and even though we knew we did everything possible to let them know much we loved them, we do second guess all we did.   
 I like to believe all our dogs are now happy, my dog was 17 and had quite a few age related issues, so I think of him running free and restored to the young pup that he was, and I truly believe that we will be reunited with them again one day.  Miki would have known she was so important to you - the love you had for her shines through your post, so I`ve no doubts that she knew, in the same way that you instinctively knew how much Miki loved you. Take care.

J Taylor
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Hi, I am so sorry for your loss! I agree with what Jackie said. Animals are so intuitive. I'm sure Miki knew how much you loved her. Losing our best friends is so very painful. I understand what you are going through. My little dog was 15 as well and he was like my soulmate from the moment I saw him. He always wanted to be with me and I always felt guilty going to work or going out as well. After he died I thought of all the times I chose to go out with my husband or out with friends and wished I could have that time back with him but the truth is we need to go out sometimes and that's okay. Miki always knew that you were coming back and that's what was important. Please don't feel guilty about taking a few hours to yourself. It probably gave you a break so that you were the best mom possible when you came home to your beautiful Miki.
Wishing you peace, MJ
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Our pets blame us for Nothing.  They love in unconditionally.  Miki gave you the gift of love and you gave it back.  You gave Miki the best life for her. I just euthanized my 16 year old dog yesterday.  I am suffering greatly.  I understand the guilt but Miki doesn't blame you for anything.  Words are inadequate but try to know that Miki would not want you to suffer.  She is free of pain and suffering and I believe you will see your pet again. 

I recently read a book written by a brain surgeon who was an atheist.  He was very sick and in a coma. His brain waves were gone but he came back and recovered. He said while he was in the coma without brain activity that he saw many things and one of them was a dog running and playing in heaven.
Paula Johnson
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I am so sorry for your loss. Sometimes I am ok, other times not so. What really stands out about your post is about you taking your "breaks" and how bad you feel about that. What I heard is that dogs do not have a sense of time. I could go out and get the mail and just be gone for like 2 minutes, and he would act like I was gone forever!!! its like really??? Then I would go for a couple days. Then he would act the same when I came home. I can laugh about it now. When my dog was sick, I too needed to get out for a little. I hated seeing my dog so sick. It helped to get out to regain my composure. Then I was able to deal with it again. My favorite thing I said when I came home was "mom's home". It was so funny to see him wag his tail and be so happy I was home. Until the end. He would not even get up to greet me. Very sad. I knew.
So please don't beat yourself up. Think of it as a time out. You needed it to keep up your strength. And BTW your dog is soooo cute. How could you not love that happy face!!!
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