Needed to put these thoughts down somewhere. Am at day 20 without my bff and can spiral into second-guessing everything.....Was the 3rd vet right? was there nothing that could be done? did I do the right thing? was I being selfish? Did I do enough for her last moments? Can I ever open up to another love like that? The list seems endless.
In the short time since I lost her Ive learned that there is no rulebook or rules on how to handle a loss like this, but know it was because I loved her so much and tried to do what I thought was the "best" thing. 
The bouts of self doubt and second guessing change nothing, but it still hurts my heart and try to remind myself of the funny things she did that made her unique and how she brought so much into my life through ups and downs and never judged (she threw some dirty looks when you got her face wet though) I get so angry that when she got her first bloody nose, the 1st vet prescribed bp meds without actually examining her, the 2nd vet examined her and said no big deal(normal bp). The last bloody nose was really bad (wet face and dirty looks ensued, but she didn't seem bothered by it at all) So we tried another vet, who was compassionate and understanding with both of us....after an exam, she suggested an Xray as a next step, just when I was getting hopeful that wed tackle whatever was wrong, she informed me that it was clear it was bone and lung cancer and nothing could be done. She thoroughly explained the next steps and sent me off with pain meds as I wasn't ready to say goodbye. We went for cheeseburgers and a shake just for her, since she was a fiend for dairy my heart sank when she wouldn't finish the shake. After a restless night, she got the bone she prolly shouldn't have had and patiently waited for me to work up the courage to go back to the vet, we made a pit stop to dairy queen as well. We were led to the "room" and waited for an eternity so I thought about leaving, she looked at me as if to say....Look I had cancer yesterday, I have it today, and will have it tomorrow so lets either do this or bust out of here, I'm just tired of waiting! She didn't even flinch when she got the sedative and left this world quietly. Angel would've been 17 this October and when she came into my life she was being dumped in a parking lot at only 6 weeks old. 
I feel like I'm just rambling at this point but felt like this was a good place to express the thoughts I keep rehashing, but I miss the hell out of her, she was a good girl and losing her has placed a hole in my heart. I've attached photos of that goofy girl sunbathing .....She seemed to express a philosophy....Just because I am a dog doesn't mean I will always act like one, but don't be surprised when I do dog-like things because I am a dog
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Hello David: My deepest condolences on the loss of your beloved girl. Her picture is simply wonderful! Thank you for rescuing her as a small puppy who had been dumped in a parking lot and giving her a home and your love. I hope and pray that gives you comfort in the days ahead. You saved her and she had a lovely life with you. Cancer is such a rotten disease. It took my boy as well and like you I took him to the vet for his final good bye. It was an act of love because we cared so much. The mourning is hard but this will be a good place to come and share your thoughts and pain. We all understand how hard it is losing your best friend. Wishing you peace.
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Hi David. So many of your questions have been exactly the same as me. It's tough. You wish you were able to do something about what happened and angry at any one who could have possibly do be more in your eyes, all hypothetical but emotions are not logical.
I did the same thing, and turned that into myself. The pet on this forum helped so much. Reading some peoples stories kind of makes you realise you are not alone. And that we have these terrible terms of existence where we will lose our beautiful companions.
Someone said to make sure we get through this time in our lives, become there are others that need rescuing. You made a difference never forget that. You did what you could with what you knew and stressful circumstances. You took away the pain for your self.
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Your baby was precious, and you gave her the happiest life ever. She went from a horrendous situation being dumped out of a car, into your loving arms and home. I'm sure that she appreciated the Dairy Queen stop, that is precious.

You are more than welcome to "ramble", speak your mind, lament, grieve, question, love, ask and share your thoughts and feelings here. This is an amazing community of individuals who (unfortunately) have gone through the loss of a beloved furry family member.

Warm regards,
K. Unger
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Dear David,

I wanted to extend my sincerest condolences on the loss of your girl. By the words you have written in your post you can easily see how much she truly meant to you and how much you loved, adored and cherished her. As you know 17 years for a pup is a long lifetime, but that does not lesson the deep sense of loss you are feeling. 

Your girl sounds brave and courageous. And noble and true and she was a good companion. And yet silly and fun. So in each category of what a dog is supposed to do, your girl was obviously aces across the board.

All dogs should be so blessed and fortunate to have known the friendship, comradeship, love, adoration, affection, comfort and security that you provided your lost lass with for all those wonderful years. From the time that you rescued her from that parking lot, until the very end, when you showed her mercy. By ending her pain and suffering, you took her pain and suffering onto yourself. That is what you are experiencing. Like so many of us here. You are not alone.

Kind regards,
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