Nance
to my buddy, Spunky.  We've had Spunky for 15 wonderful years and just in the last few days he seemed to fall apart.  He stopped eating, stopped drinking, walked around like he was in a daze, so I took him to the vet today who ran a bunch of tests and found out that so many things were happening at once to him.  She was kind and compassionate and said that we can try all sorts of things, but that his quality of life will not get better.  His kidneys are failing, he has a thickening in his intestines that is probably a cancer, and the list goes on and on.  I didn't see any of this until this last week when he looked so much thinner.  The doctor said that sometimes that happens.  That cats can mask symptoms until they all pile up. 

I have been a total wreck since talking with the vet at about 7PM this evening.  It is now about 10 and I cannot seem to stop crying.  I look at him sleeping in his little bed and I cry.  I look at his beds and toys in the house and I cry.  I know that the right thing to do it take him out of his pain, and I will, but I wonder how I will deal with this after he is gone.  I will be ok, but there will be am emptiness in my life.

Spunky always came to the door to greet me when I came home.  He sat in the window waiting for me.  He was on my lap every night while I watched tv.  He was my pal, although my life is full otherwise too with family and friends, he was still my buddy.  He is still my buddy, but we will put him down tomorrow and I will not go.  I cannot.  It would kill me.  It is already killing me, but I have to put it into some sort of perspective.  He is not "just a cat".  He is a part of this family and he will be missed always, but we know he was loved, he had a wonderful, happy life and I cannot prolong the pain he is in just so that I won't have to say goodbye.  I need to let go of him, let him have his dignity, and hope and pray that he will be going to a better place.

He will be missed, more than words can say, but life will go on as it always does and one day I will be able to look at his pictures and smile and remember all the great times we had together. 
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jasminesmom
Nance,

I am so sorry. Yes, the decision is difficult, but now almost 4 months later, I have realized what an unselfish act of love it was. Our heart lets us know that they are suffering-their eyes tell us. I had to help Jasmine to The Rainbow Bridge 09-04-09.

Coming here and sharing with us stories of Spunky's life with you, will help the healing.

My thoughts and prayers today are for you Nance and your family.

Cheryl and Angel Jasmine
Jasmine was loved
Jasmine took ProIn
Jasmine is gone
 
http://RainbowsBridge.com/residents/JAMIN001/Resident.htm
 





Cheryl and Angel Jasmine
Jasmine was loved
Jasmine was given ProIn
Jasmine is now gone
http://RainbowsBridge.com/residents/JAMIN001/Resident.htm
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Nance
First off, thank you for the kind words.  I know this will take some time to get used to, but life will go on, as it always does.

The time is getting closer.  We are taking Spunky to our vet at 5:30 PST today.  I am not sure I can go.  I want him to remember me as smiling and happy, and I want to remember him as vibrant and very much with all the spunk he has had his whole life. 

Nance
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jasminesmom
Nance,

I will be praying for you.

Cheryl and Angel Jasmine
Cheryl and Angel Jasmine
Jasmine was loved
Jasmine was given ProIn
Jasmine is now gone
http://RainbowsBridge.com/residents/JAMIN001/Resident.htm
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nicokudo
Nance,

My heart goes out to you for the difficult decision that you are making this afternoon to allow Spunky to go on the next road of his journey.  I know that you feel that you don't want to be with him when he leaves....Others here have made this choice and then wished afterwards that they had been with their baby when they left. 

It is such an individual choice, but I can say from my personal experience that I had to be there with my babies when they left.  I looked them in the eye, told them how much I would always love them and then said "it's time" to the vet.  My eyes tear as I remember how difficult it was to do this, but I would not have chosen any other way. I wanted my face, the face of the person who loved them most on this earth, to be the last person that their precious earthly eyes would see.    What ever you chose to do, I send you courage and strength.  Don't worry about what comes after he leaves, that will come regardless.  We will all be here to support you in any way we can.

Karen, Kudo and Nico's mom
Earth mom to Marco and Bella
Karen,Kudo and Nico's mom
Earth mom to Marco and Bella
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Nance
Thanks for the kind words, Karen, Kudo, Cheryl, Angel Jasmine...the time is drawing near and I am going to go, but I have been spending the whole day with him and saying goodbye, telling him I love him and always will.  I think I will go, but when it comes time to give him the shot I will hand him over to my husband.  I do not think I can cope with him dying in my arms. 

You are right, what happens afterwards happens and that is how it is.  I cannot control or predict the future anymore than I can stop the crying I am doing right now. 

Your kind words do help, really.  Thank you so very much.
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Nance
Spunky left us on Thursday and now it is Saturday.  I spent two nights not sleeping, waking up every hour or so with him on my mind.  The house is so quiet now.  I dreaded going out because when I came home he wasn't in the window waiting for me, and he wasn't at the door greeting me.  He didn't sit in my lap last night while I watched tv, and he wasn't on my bed when I woke up this morning.  He is, however, on my mind and in my heart where he will always remain.  I miss him more than words can say right now, but I know the crying will eventually stop and the pain will lessen.  I doubt it will ever totally go away, but it will be manageable. 

Today I got what I thought was a Christmas Card from someone and the design on it was cats.  My first thought was to just throw it away after seeing who it was from, but it was not a Christmas card, it was a note from the vet.  She wrote to say that she understood the pain I was going through, that she knows that Spunky knew he was loved because she could feel my love for him, and that if she could do anything to help me get through this loss to call her.  I started to cry, yes, because I miss Spunky like crazy, but also because I never would have expected the vet to send a note to me that was so wonderful. 

From his birth to his death Spunky was blessed and he brought joy and happiness into my life.  I can only hope that he is happy now, perhaps with his parents or siblings, looking down at me and smiling. 
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jasminesmom
Nance,

I understand exactly what you are going thru! Be strong and it does get better, in time.

Spunky is now the guardian angel for your home.

Hugs,

Cheryl and Angel Jasmine
Jasmine was loved
Jasmine was given ProIn
Jasmine is gone
http://RainbowsBridge.com/residents/JAMIN001/Resident.htm

Cheryl and Angel Jasmine
Jasmine was loved
Jasmine was given ProIn
Jasmine is now gone
http://RainbowsBridge.com/residents/JAMIN001/Resident.htm
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wbeut1
Nance,

       I was very sorry to hear about your loss. I am feeling the same way and not sure how to deal with it. I lost a beautiful little rat this morning and since then I can not stop crying. How to deal with the loss of such special creatures, its so hard.

Take care,

Wendi
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