I have some regret of his passing but I learned a lot and hope maybe this will help some of you as well. I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read this.
Two days ago my tough little buddy Cusco passed away. We got him around the time I was in 4th/5th grade(13years ago) and he's been a part of our family ever since. He shared the house with our other cat Sassy who at the time was much older and has since passed away. They got along quite well and Cusco seemed lost for a while after Sassy passed.
From about age two Cusco had some health issues. His heart was quite large and I mean that literally (Had what was known as a "Valentine Heart”). He was in and out of the vet, but eventually we got to keep him at home without too many issues. After a while Cusco started going outside during the day and only coming into the house to sleep. When we got dogs Cusco remained mainly outside and in the garage (He seemed to enjoy his own space and freedom).
He spent most of his days sitting in dirt boxes, rolling in the grass, lying in the sun and chasing bugs. Kids would always want to pet him or play with him whenever they walked by. He would always rush up to me whenever I got home and even after I pet him for a while he would wait outside waiting for me to come back out. What I think was so special about him is he literally enjoyed our company. He didn't beg for food, scratch you, or run away. He just rubbed himself on you, laid next to you and enjoyed your company.
The past few weeks got busy for me. I started bringing him into my room less and less and sometimes not at all even when I said I would. I pet him a bit when I got home but not as long as I used to. I picked up a second job and was always tired when I got back. I started getting settled at work and went out for my birthday last week. When I was finally free during the weekend Cusco had another heart problem.
He wasn't breathing properly and struggled to move. We took him to the vet and they told us he was suffering from congestive heart failure(part was due to his enlarged heart). The sight was depressing. He struggled to breath and was meowing in pain. On the drive over he scratched me(probably out of fear). When they took him to the back I was in the room next door but he passed before I got to be next to him. I feel like I let him down...like he was alone when he passed and scared. I feel like he thought I didn't love him because of my lack of attention the last few weeks.
We buried him next to Sassy in our backyard and I've been pretty absent minded since. I feel bad for how we parted, but I'm trying to take some positives. We love these guys because of the love and joy they bring us. Regardless of if we do something bad or stupid they still greet us with happiness. Even if we have other things going on in life we are always the most important thing on their mind. I learned that maybe I need to step back and enjoy the smaller things in life like lying in the grass, walking in nature and being around the ones I love…just like Cusco did. I can’t make up for the lack of time I spent with him towards the end, but I can appreciate what he taught me and use it in life that way he is always in my heart. I plan on attending the Candle Light Ceremony tonight much like I did for Sassy in order to make my prayers. I will probably continue to be sad whenever I think of him, but will try to be a better person in his honor (maybe in time I can help around at some shelters) and show my loved ones how much I care.
Hope this helps others going through similar situations. I appreciate everyone who takes the time to read this. It means more than you know.
Cusco, I hope you forgive me and know how much I cared for you(we all did). I’m going to miss having you greet me when I come home and looking outside my window to see you rolling around. Enjoy spending time up there with a healthy heart and in the company of your brother Sassy. If you will meet me, I would gladly cross the rainbow bridge with you.
-Your Devargas Family.