Two weeks ago tomorrow our family had to say goodbye to our beloved Angel. In some ways this is my memorial to her.

Angel would've been 15 on April 24th. She had a black tuxedo coat, and was very vocal. In 2015 she was diagnosed with a carcinoma in her month, our vet gave her a month to live. We took her to a cancer doc and she was put on immunotherapy. We were told we would likely have one more Christmas with her, and we were pretty devastated.

She responded by living longer than anyone would have imagined. She was back to normal and had the spirit of a puppy she has always had.

Cancer can take its toll, even when its been eliminated or you think its been cured. She began developing swelling in lymph nodes and we removed them, but other nodes began growing, and her breathing started getting labored. Then a week before her last vet visit she began to have paralysis in her legs. She had difficulty standing, and even though she had that "spirit", you could tell she was struggling.

I called our vet and got in quickly. My regular vet was out for the day, so I had a different vet looking her over. She said she believed the cancer had effected some of her vertebrae and two had degenerated. She also said the growth on her throat was too close to vital arteries for surgery. End of life wasn't discussed, quality of life was. Therapies were mentioned, medications discussed, but in the long run, there were no guarantee's.

I started to feel sick. I told her I would have to talk to my wife. We were given meds to make her feel comfortable. Our discussion centered around how she just laid around on her meds and what kind of life was this for her. I then called my regular vet for his opinion and at that point my denial was overpowered by my realization that this was the end for her. I collapsed on the floor crying it hit me so hard.

We gathered together, two days later at the vets office, my wife and son and I, and we had her comfortable on her bed, and I held her head and kissed her good-bye as she quietly left this world. One of the hardest things I have ever had to do.

I write this to share that you are not alone. The emptiness you feel, the wonder if she is in better place, the fits of crying, the feeling of being so alone, even though you are surrounded by loved ones. Its all there. We received her ashes a week later and I almost couldn't walk back to my truck it hurt so much.

My wife lost her mother last year and she said the mourning really will never go away because she was so loved. It gets better, but a part of your heart is changed. Happiness will come, but you will never forget.

I apologize if my story is long. but I hope all of you who have lost or are in the process of having to deal with a loss of their furry baby and are reading this, know this: They will always be there by our side, wagging their tail, waiting for us. Make the best of what you have, knowing you made the best of their time in your life when they were here on this earth.

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Your story was beautiful and you told it well. I love the encouraging words you wrote at the end.
Angel sounds like an amazing dog and it's obvious what a close and loving bond you shared. You gave her love and a wonderful life and then a peaceful death. I was in tears reading how you all gathered around her and you held her head and kissed her as she crossed over. It reminded me of our little dog. He had his head lying in my hand as well when he died. It was over 2 years ago and everything you said is so very true. You can find happiness again but you are never the same person that you were and a part of your heart will always belong to them.
Thank you so much for sharing this beautiful story. I am so sorry for your loss.
Hugs, MJ
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I'm here in tears as I send my
Baby to the angels and held him to his last minute. It's so true your words write this to share that you are not alone. The emptiness you feel, the wonder if she is in better place, the fits of crying, the feeling of being so alone, even though you are surrounded by loved ones...,, That's exactly what I'm feeling at this moment.
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I am deeply touched by your beautiful and bitter-sweet post. My heart goes out to you and I am so sorry for your loss.
Thank you for sharing this
Silvia (with Max forever in my heart)


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Its very comforting knowing others feel the same way as I do. I would never wish this pain on anyone, it is just comforting, and I appreciate all the responses. The empty feeling haunts me frequently and I too get angry sometimes, especially when I think about where she is now and why she was taken from me. Its selfish, and I quickly realize it, and I try to think about all the great times and how lucky I was to be blessed by her.

My wife reminds me the grief is linear...its like a wave. Sometimes you're going to feel like you're better, than other days you're going to realize you're not. There is no timeline for grief. Sometimes I wonder if it's that grief that makes us believe one day we will wake up and all will be better because we have forgotten them and can now move on. What I do know is her ashes are on our mantle next to her picture, she was so loving and loyal, I will never forget her. I am still very sad. I'm still raw. I just try to move on through my life without her.

I know how difficult this is... all of you... know you are not alone in what you are feeling right now in your heart.

I would post a picture of her, but they are all too big to post... she was such a smart and pretty girl.

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You are definitely not alone. This past saturday, my family and I all stood around our 2 year old baby boy Guinness and he left this earth. We all had our hands on him as he took his last breath. I, too, am feeling all the same things you are. One moment I will be okay, then  will go to take a shower and just break down sobbing yelling for him. I will be okay one second, and then I will break down and become obsessed with researching what happens to pets when they die. Is my Guinness okay? Where is he? Does he know how much we love him and how this wasn't in our plan? Is he happy? I'm sobbing writing this.

You are not alone. The pain hurts worse than any pain I've ever felt. Like you said, I wouldn't wish HALF this pain on my worst enemy, but it's comforting knowing others are going through the same thing. I am sure we will begin to heal soon. Maybe our babies are wrestling with each other and chewing on bones together across the rainbow bridge right now. My thoughts are with you.
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Thank you for writing such a beautiful post
Your words are so touching , everything you wrote is exactly how I'm feeling.
Thank you .
I am so sorry for your loss.
Mackys mum
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Today would have been two weeks and I feel worse today than I have in days. I don't want to make this a running diary, but today has just been awful. A loneliness just seems to have a grip over me that I just can't shake. AR1234 I can't help the wondering if where she is she is okay. I'm tearing up and all of these questions I have make me wonder if I'm not a crazy person. I do hope she's running through a sunny field with all of your lost loves.... Its the only thing keeping me from having anymore sadness.

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What an amazingly accurate an beautiful, beautiful post. Thank you for sharing this difficult journey with us. And validated many of our feelings. No matter how many times I start to feel better, I do still cry and realize I will never be the same, as you stated so eloquently. I am so glad you and your wife/family got some extra time with your Angel.
Missing and loving Scooter Forever
- Melissa
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