Clwboy64
We recently said goodbye to our old girl Pixie. She was 14 and weighed close to 100 pounds. We adopted her from the shelter over 12 years ago. She had been dumped there while pregnant. After staying there for 2 months and giving birth to a litter of puppies, she was put up for adoption. When we arrived she just looked so sad as she watched her pups being adopted. We knew if we took her we would be saving a life so we did.

Over the last 6 months, things started to get very tough for her. She had trouble doing basic things and I had to help her get up and out regularly which was difficult due to her size. Although she still had her appetite, she got to the point where she had trouble controlling her bodily functions. Initially she would bark after an accident to let us know but for the last few months she would just sit there...it was pretty tough to watch. The vet told me that while there was nothing wrong with her that required immediate action, her quality of life had clearly diminished. I decided to put her on meds to make her more comfortable.

The meds worked for a few months and she was doing OK. However, at the very end, her back legs stopped working almost completely. When she was unable to use the bathroom without falling, she gave me a look that I will always interpret as telling me she had enough. I apologized to her and decided on euthanasia to allow her to pass with love and dignity.

Logically I understand this was the humane thing to do but I am now consumed with guilt. A large part of me feels like I let her down. We try to do what is best for our pets but as humans, we sometimes make mistakes. I miss her terribly and hope I did the right thing for her.
Chris Walker
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TyTy
You did the right thing Chris. We can't help to feel a little guilty, but in the end, you did what was best for Pixie. She is in a better place and most importantly, feeling herself again. Probably chasing my cat around in pet heaven!!! God bless you. Mike
Mike
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TaazyBoy
Chris, 

Pixie sounds like a beautiful girl that had an amazing life with you. I am so sorry for your loss. I have only been a member of this group since Friday but one thing I have learned from reading is we all seem to feel some form of guilt after. Was it too soon? Could we have done more tests? Was the vet competent? Why didn't we go sooner? I have asked myself many of these questions as well to the point of almost putting myself into some kind of panic attack. I think part of these feelings come from being their primary caregiver, it is the ultimate responsibility to care for a loving, breathing soul who has no voice but yours. I have only had a few days to sort through these feelings but what I have learned so far is, to ask myself if the decision came out of love? Did I do my very best with the information I had? Most of all, I keep reminding myself that the time our boy was sick did not represent his life. He was so much more, SO much more than the small while he was sick. Our fur babies are woven into every aspect of our lives, it is such a profound, deep loss. Please know you are not alone, there are some amazing people here. 
LM
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Clwboy64
Thank you for the replies...They are very much appreciated. As all of us do, I loved my girl with all my heart and always tried to do the best I could for her. Deciding on euthanasia is a gut wrenching decision but I honestly believe she did not want to go on in her condition. My last dog died in her sleep and I was sorry I never had a chance to say goodbye. this way I was able to have some wonderful final memories with Pixie. Of course we can never be sure of anything but if we make our decisions based on our love for our pets then I believe we have done the best we can.
Chris Walker
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TaazyBoy
I think you are absolutely right Chris. For weeks I did wish our boy would go in his sleep, mostly I guess because I figured it would be peaceful but after he left us I realized I was so grateful I could be there to hold him, say good bye and sing softly in his ear. Not sure that was good or bad for him because I am a terrible singer but no doubt he felt love all around him. I think at the end of the day, we need to focus on that, all the love, from the first day to the last. I read with great love comes great loss. The weight of grief is heavy, I would like to think in time it will lift, even just a little.

Big hugs 

Lisa
LM
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Pivoboy65
So sorry about Pixie but boy did she get a great home. Just think what might have happened if you did not adopt her. The end of their life's are difficult no matter how it goes. A few years ago we had to put our Doberman Jaxon to sleep as he had no chance to live. Holiding and saying goodbye was excruciating but it had to be done. This past Memorial Day our Doberman Joker went outside and died instantly which is not uncommon in that breed. He was having some back issues and we also knew we were going to have to make a decision soon but he did it for us. The one thing I know is treat them like every day might be their last. Although I didn't get to say goodbye to his face when he died, he was constantly by my side wherever I went. His last day, he was laying across me staring at me lovingly that afternoon. I have no guilt feelings as I loved him every minute I could. We have our girl, Ruby. Yes a Dobie and she gets a ridiculous amount of attention. We took her to a specialist and she has a heart defect and she could go without warning. She is 9 but we are hoping for more. Love them love them love them while they are here. And yes we will get another Doberman in the future. If you have ever owned one, you know what I mean. Good thoughts and peace goes out to everyone on her who is hurting.


David becak
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Memories_of_Marmalade

I am very sorry for your loss Chris.

Yes David. Love them in the moment. Tell them so.

I knew the sands in the hourglass were running out for my beloved cat Marmalade. So I used to tell him as he sat or lay on my lap, even though he was almost completely deaf:

"One of us may go someday...both of us may go someday, but right now THIS IS 'OUR' MOMENT. THIS IS 'OUR' TIME! And we are TOGETHER 'RIGHT NOW'."

I said this to all the time. When we would be watching Television and he was on my lap.

Then I would gently hug the purr out of him. : ) I am glad that I did so. He knew how much he was loved every moment.
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Clwboy64
Thank you all for the kind words. The pets owned by everyone here were all lucky enough to be part of a loving home. We all know that is not true of many animals so we should all be able to take comfort in that.
Chris Walker
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