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mish
My dad went with me to the 24 hour veterinary hospital where my dog passed away. She passed away after midnight. I stayed by her side as long as i can before she was taken by the people from the cemetary. If it were just me, i could not let them take her. They happened to be there by coincidence. The other remains had been waiting at the hospital also to be picked up by them. We got home around 3am i think that day. Had my dad not been there with me, i wouldn't have the heart to leave! My dad let me have my time, but also reminded me how late it was. My dad has a sleep disorder. Despite it, i am thankful he went with me that day because after the doctor told me she was gone, i was a mess. My dad helped me make the funeral arrangements. He let me choose and then he went on to talk with the people in charge because all i wanted to do was be with her. Then my dad brought me the papers to be filled up. Tomorrow, my parents are going to visit for the first time. I couldn't go with them but i feel very emotional about them visiting. I was hoping my sister could watch my dogs. I just need to schedule it to when she does not have work. Her work schedule changes daily.
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Mistysmama
Jim ....
I always find this picture helps:

[ghost-dog] 

And I think that does happen more often than we realise.

Yes I live in the countryside. I am not a farmer though, but I used to walk the farmer's dog (a Border Collie !) He tagged along on almost all my walks with Misty. We could walk in any field on those hundreds of acres.
Hold the love like a little light. It is all you have, or will ever have, to find your way home.

Misty's Blog..a Dogfight with Cancer http://www.mistysblog69.blogspot.co.uk

Misty's life after death: http://www.dog2spirit.com
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BorderCollieLover
Mistysmama:

  Yes, that picture is worth a thousand words. Thanks for posting. Wanted to share something with you. About an hour or so ago. one of my friends sent me a picture (I was tagged in the picture) of a beautiful male Border Collie, age 4, via Facebook. This BC is available for adoption and is currently in Roanoke, Virginia. This is what I told my friend. "Beautiful specimen but unfortunately I am not ready to let another Border Collie into my heart now. Shelby stole my heart back in 2002 and never relinquished it." I know that my friend is just looking out for my best interest but I still need to process, savor and ultimately embrace my relationship with my beloved Shelby. I love hard and I mourn hard. 

Jim
Jim Miller
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Mistysmama
Yes I understand Jim. I think it is best you do what feels natural in your Heart. Stay with Shelby until maybe one day....who knows? Let that be what is natural for you.

I have not taken on another dog since my Misty either. But I am older and have no support system. Since being unwell last year and at any moment -expecting I might have to be taken to ER....that has made me think hard about it.

People mean well. I think they know we do love dogs and are trying to help. But we can't do what they feel might be the "right thing" from their point of view. We have to have the time to slowly work through the changes and our relationship with our little ones...which goes on even after they pass from the body.

It's impossible to think ahead ....what might happen in the future. We can only go day by day with the truth in our Hearts.

Kind thoughts for tomorrow.
Hold the love like a little light. It is all you have, or will ever have, to find your way home.

Misty's Blog..a Dogfight with Cancer http://www.mistysblog69.blogspot.co.uk

Misty's life after death: http://www.dog2spirit.com
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BorderCollieLover
Mistysmama:

  I am sorry about your episode last year with feeling "unwell" I sincerely hope that you can regain your health and , very possibly, bring another furry friend into your life at some point. You obviously have so much to give and there are so many unfortunate dogs out there that need a good home. You mentioned that you don't have much of a support system. Well, the truth of the matter is that most of us (myself included) can't really be sure who we can depend on  when it really counts. Case in point, my former next door neighbors were always nice to my Shelby. I thought we had a solid friendship. I guess I was lulled into a false sense of security by thinking that in case of an emergency they would be there for me. I was wrong. When Shelby passed away, I sent a message to them, To date, they have not responded. No phone calls. No e-mails, No letter. No acknowledgement of her passing. Nothing. So, support systems are fraught with weak links at every juncture. You just never know. Once again, I hope that you are feeling better. We need more people like you in this Forum. Stay well.

Jim
Jim Miller
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JinglesMom
BorderCollieLover wrote:
This coming Saturday (Oct. 26th) is going to be a very emotional day for me. It's the day that I'm going to visit Shelby's final resting place for the 1st time. She was laid to rest at a pet cemetary called "Abbey Glen Pet Memorial Park" in Lafayette, NJ. My other Border Collie (Puma) is also there, as is my beloved Terrier (Molly). Abbey Glen is a beautiful place with scenic, rolling hills and finely manicured lawns. I couldn't think of a better place for my little girl to be. I wanted to visit sooner but the staff at Abbey Glen said that her permanent marker wouldn't be in for several months, so I was surprised when they called last week to tell me it was in. I'll be taking flowers and can't wait to be there. I'll also be taking flowers and a wreath over Christmas. The tears are rolling down my cheeks as I type this. This is so difficult. I'm going to try and divert my attention for a while and watch The World Series tonight. On a happier note. I am sleeping a little better. The herbs that I'm taking seem to be working. The best part is that there are no side effects. No next day grogginess. No anxiety. I am, slowly but surely, starting to feel a little better. I king of  feel like a punch-drunk boxer in the ring for (15) rounds. I've been battered, beaten and my legs are wobbly but, somehow, someway, I'm still standing and won't be defeated. Not sure if that's a good analogy but that's how I feel. 

Jim


Dear Jim,

I thought that I would check in and see how you are doing since today is the day you were supposed to visit your sweet Shelby's final resting place. Abbey Glen Memorial Park sounds truly beautiful and I it is so good that you could not think of a better place for your little girl to be. I know this will be a hard and emotional day for you, but bittersweet also, because you will be able to be close to her and I know that she will be able to feel your love for her, even now. I seem to be on and off of this forum lately, as I have recently moved, and have been so busy, but now that I have settled into my new home, I hope to be more of a steady presence here. I remember how I felt when I first picked up my Jasper and Jingle's ashes, it was so emotional, yet it was just the tiniest bit comforting, being close to them once again. I was never able to have that so called closure with my little Pootie Tang, as she went off into the night when she knew her time was near. I know many people say that closure is overrated, but to this day I am sad, because I do not have a little cedar box with her name engraved in it, and it always feels like someone is missing. Only someone who loves their dear girl as much as you do could possibly understand. I gently touch their little boxes each night and I touch her picture, and I tell them I love them forever and a day.

It does seem that once in awhile though, we need to step away for a bit, from the sadness, and the pain, and the grief, but it is strange that no matter how much time I may leave for, I always come back. I always come back to this club that no one wants to belong to, but thank God it is here for us, a safe place to mourn, to grieve, and to just know that we are not alone. Sometimes when I come back, it is almost like coming home again. I am so glad to hear that you are sleeping better, that makes such a difference in our health and well being. Well I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking about you, and keeping you and your beautiful girl in my thoughts and prayers for hope, healing, and brighter days ahead. 

I read one of your posts about adopting not another dog right away, and I could not agree with you more. So many just cannot understand when I tell them that I am unable to open my heart and home now, as my three kitties Jingles, Jasper, and Pootie Tang totally and utterly broke the mold and I do know that my heart could never withstand another loss.Take care Jim, and I hope that the light and love of your beautiful girl light your path, and that the sweet and precious memories you share make the days ahead just a bit brighter. Sending hugs to you and your sweet girl at the bridge, JinglesMom
Pamela Lynne Crawford
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Mistysmama
Jim, I am hoping today was a good day....even though I know how moved your Heart must have felt, and I am sure there were tears for sweet Shelby. I hope there was a Grace and a moment of some loving Peace in the day for you, who love her so very much.

I am very sorry to hear this:
"Case in point, my former next door neighbors were always nice to my Shelby. I thought we had a solid friendship. I guess I was lulled into a false sense of security by thinking that in case of an emergency they would be there for me. I was wrong. When Shelby passed away, I sent a message to them, To date, they have not responded. No phone calls. No e-mails, No letter. No acknowledgement of her passing. Nothing. So, support systems are fraught with weak links at every juncture."


Some people think that death is the end -lights out, end of story, get on with life. Maybe they never loved anyone so deeply? There are "just a dog" people, and those can be very friendly on the surface, but you might even hear them say a thing like that....
And then there are people who freeze when someone they know is bereaved. They don't know what to say or do. It is common for some friends to drift away after a bereavement.

I have many people I know and am friendly with, both in my life and online. But there is not one of them who would be in a position to even board a dog for a few days if in a bad scenario -I had to have a hospital stay, and absolutely no-one if in the worst case scenario, I passed away.

It's not just that either. The people/person would have to be someone my dog also at least liked, hopefully loved as a friend and was fond of, so they were okay in that person's home and life, even though they might miss me.

I was so lucky with Misty. I knew what a risk we were taking -just the two of us, and Misty depending on me. But I kept refusing to think about it and had faith I would stay with her safely to the very end. I was a decade younger (and more) for most of her life, and I was fit, tough, athletic, strong in endurance....etc. I was the toughest person I know ! lol!  I could walk 25 miles without batting an eyelid.
Even seven plus years ago, when she passed, I was still physically strong.
But something happened the last 18-20 months, and it made me more careful. I am growing old and my energy is a lot more fragile than it used to be, though not too bad so I wouldn't want to cause anyone to worry.

I am not a Bible-basher, but I believe in God, and Jesus, and have an unshakeable realisation that I will be given what I am meant to do. It has always worked that way and resulted in tremendous blessings. Incredible things that I couldn't have dreamed up myself! So I wait on Grace  because that is how I met my dear Soul companion Misty, and learned what I did with her. I place my trust in that and am ready to do its Will. So I hang in here, and see what comes next !

Kind thoughts sent to you today. Bless your Shelby's Soul.

Hold the love like a little light. It is all you have, or will ever have, to find your way home.

Misty's Blog..a Dogfight with Cancer http://www.mistysblog69.blogspot.co.uk

Misty's life after death: http://www.dog2spirit.com
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BorderCollieLover
Hi Pamela:

  Thanks for your kind and inspirational words. I know your unwavering love for your Jingles, Jasper and Pootie Tang is forever. You tell them that you love them each day. That's a beautiful sentiment. The idea that the mold was broken with them and you may never be able to put yourself through the agony of losing another one again is a valid point. We are all vulnerable to distress when we bring a fur baby into our lives. It's a gamble. There are no guarantees No contract that you and your special companion(s) will live together in harmony for many years. And yet, despite that, we seem to accept those tenuous terms and allow them to steal our hearts and Soul. That's exactly what happened to you and your wonderful kitties. You had something very special and time will never erode that or minimize it in any way, shape or form. Glad that you are back on this Forum.  You were missed.

Jim
Jim Miller
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BorderCollieLover

Mistysmama:

  I read with great interest your latest reply. I know exactly what you mean about not having anyone to depend on if an emergency occurred. I think that can be said for the vast majority of us. Even people who have a devoted significant other, kids at home (or Grandchildren), close friends, wonderful neighbors, etc. there is no guarantee that anyone will lift a finger to help. You were correct in saying that people just freeze when confronted with someone else's bereavement. It's such a complex emotion with no ordered rationale. We cry, we become depressed, our sadness is etched on our faces and we seem to withdraw from the expected chores of daily life. It makes people uncomfortable in our presence. 
You were so Blessed to have had vibrant health (you said that you could walk 25 miles without any difficulty) when you were with Misty. That is impressive.  Then within the last 18-20 months you said that something changed, You felt a loss of energy. Something was off with your robust health. I sincerely hope that you can regain your once vibrant health. 
Thanks for your soothing words about my visit to Shelby's site on Saturday. Yeah, it was very emotional. My one saving grace is that she is in such a beautiful place. My other (2) babies: Molly and Puma are nearby. I will be going there often.
Visiting Chocolate & Oreo when I got home was cathartic. They are wonderful Male Border Collies (Both age 7) who really lifted my spirits. Most of my friends say that I am coping about as well as possible. The truth of the matter is that my grief is still very intense. I  struggle with day to day activities. I miss Shelby so much. I've said it before and I'll say it again: Shelby stole my heart back in 2002 and never relinquished it. 

Jim

Jim Miller
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Mistysmama
I miss Shelby so much. I've said it before and I'll say it again: Shelby stole my heart back in 2002 and never relinquished it.

I know. Believe it I do. My Misty did that to mine too.
Even though through life, we may love and care about others, there are few times in a lifetime when  we meet a soul mate.
But I guess....we are luckier than some who never do. Even though it is like a sweet rose with thorns.

I'm glad you had some Border Collie buddies to greet you after you came back from the cemetary.
Blessings to you and Shelby.
Hold the love like a little light. It is all you have, or will ever have, to find your way home.

Misty's Blog..a Dogfight with Cancer http://www.mistysblog69.blogspot.co.uk

Misty's life after death: http://www.dog2spirit.com
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