Santiva
Monday July 20th we adopted sweet baby Santiva. He was only 12 weeks old. He was the best little kitten we could have had. He wanted to try everything and he looked at everything with such curiosity and love. You could leave the room for a minute or an hour and when you'd come back he would have the same reaction. Looking up like there's my person and running to you. Thursday July 23rd I had to go to the office. My boyfriend was working from home and as I was leaving Santiva jumped over the kitty gate towards me. I picked him up and said I had to go and see you later. On my way home my boyfriend told me he was leaving but the cats were fine and Santiva went under the couch. It might have been an hour before I got home but when I came in and he didn't run to me I knew something wasn't right. When I looked under the couch Santiva was laying down and wasn't responding when I called to him. When I pet him he started putting but didn't get up. I moved the couch and picked him up. When I tried to set him down he couldn't stand and that's when I noticed he was drooling. I packed up to take him to the hospital and as I was leaving my boyfriend got home so we left together. Must've done 80+ the whole way there. Santiva looked up at me but couldn't move his legs and kept closing his eyes. I kept kissing his head and saying stay with me we're almost there you're going to be ok. When we arrived at the hospital we couldn't go in with him because of covid. I felt so guilty passing him off to strangers but hoped he would pull through. When the doctor called just about midnight saying it was a seizure and he had more since being in their care I didn't know what to do. Then she told me the blood work indicated they were most likely caused by a liver shunt. They could do imaging to find the location and type of shunt but it may not be operable. Even then in cats they don't do as well as dogs do. But what really was the final decision was that because he was still having seizures and wasn't showing improvement he would have even lower odds. We also wouldn't know if there was neurological damage from the seizures. We didn't want him to suffer or have poor life quality because we didn't want to make a difficult decision. The doctor told us we would be allowed to be in the room so we went to say our goodbyes. When they brought him in to us he had no improvement from when we came in. He still seemed out of it and couldn't get up. But I knew he knew it was us because when we talked to him and started to pet him he started to try and get closer to us. It was so heartbreaking to see him try and move but not be able to. We both held him and cried as we said goodbye. It's hard to believe we became so attached to him in not even four whole days but he really burrowed into our hearts. I have barely stoped crying since we lost him. I have guilt over not trying everything to save him even knowing that the vet said we made the right decision. I keep looking up his condition to see if there is something we should have done instead. I feel guilty that in the hour he was left alone he had a seizure. He was probably scared and alone and it breaks my heart. I keep looking at the photos and videos we took during his time with us and I miss him. I keep expecting him to jump up and take his spot on my shoulder. I keep expecting him to run under my feet when I go downstairs. I just expect him to be ok and to see him everywhere and hear his super loud lovey purrs as soon as you would touch him or hold him. I don't know if I'm struggling so much because it was so unexpected and he was so young. My heart hurts. Rest in Peace my sweet Santiva 4/21/20-7/24/20. I miss you so much and it's so unfair you're gone.
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Lynn_E

Dear Santiva’s mom, 
My heart goes out to u. I’m so sorry he was so young when he left you. I’m so sorry u had very little time with him but probably one of the best few days you’ve had. It’s something genetic and don’t beat yourself up, you couldn’t have known. He was your baby of course you’ll be attached. You don’t need to question your grief. I hope you will find peace and comfort in time. I will keep you in my thoughts. So very sorry for your loss. 

Lynn, Peter’s mom 

Lynn, Peter’s mom 
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roseblue1
Thinking of you at this sad time.

Ellen x
Ellen Hague
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