My heart is broken.  Today I am racked with terrible pains of guilt.  I'll tell you the background.  Kitty3 was only 12 or 13 years old.  Had always seemed like a healthy cat.  I did notice a couple of months ago that he seemed to be losing some weight and I kick myself that I didn't take him to the vet as soon as I noticed that.  Other than that he seemed perfectly healthy, until last week.
     Kitty3 was always a very affectionate cat.  He would jump up on my chest when I was laying on the couch and knead me like crazy.  If I was talking on the phone he would shove his face right into mine as if to say he didn't want to share me with whoever was on the other end of the line.
     Last week, however, I noticed that when he jumped up on me, it was like he was trying to knead me but his paws would kind of miss me altogether.  So I watched him closer and noticed that he didn't seem to have much energy and he was breathing really hard.
     So I took him to the vet on Monday and they x-rayed him and did blood work and the x-rays revealed he had fluid building up in his chest.  They drained as much fluid as they could and sent it off to lab for analysis.  The blood work revealed that Kitty3 had the beginnings of congestive heart failure but they sent Kitty3 home with me and some medications for him.  One of the medications was a capsule that was fairly large and I struggled to get Kitty3 to take it.  I tried all the different tricks but in the end the only way I could get it in him was to put it in the back of his throat with my finger.
      So Wednesday morning I called the vet back and told her of my struggles with the big capsule in hopes that I could maybe get the same medication in a smaller form. That is when the vet told me that they had gotten the results of the fluid analysis back and it wasn't good news.  Kitty3 had cancer.  So with careful consultation of the vet I made the decision to have him euthanized on Friday (yesterday).
     So yesterday we had a good morning together, lots of cuddles, but Kitty3 did not have a lot of energy and seemed to enjoy just sleeping in the sunbeams on the floor.
     Here is why I am feeling so guilty, when I loaded him into his kennel to take him to the vets office and on the ride over, he looked so scared.  And at the vets when they took him back to shave his little leg for the catheter I could hear him meowing quite angrily.  However, after a little bit of sedation they finally got Kitty3 prepped for the procedure to put him to sleep.  I, and my parents, were with him when the vet put him to sleep.  But I just am racked with guilt that if he put up that much fight maybe I did this too soon.  And did  I do it just because I didn't want to fight with Kitty3 over taking his medicine.  I am going to feel guilty for a long time about this.  Plus this is the second cat of mine I have had put down in just over a year.  I went from having 3 cats 13 months ago to having just one now.
Here are some pictures of Kitty3.



I'm not sure how to turn the picture so it is right side up.  If a moderator could fix that for me it would be greatly appreciated. 

All 3 of my Kittys. Just have Babe, the little one eyed one left now.


Til we meet again.
Quote 0 0
Kitty2, I am so sorry for the loss of your handsome boy. I think it is so easy to feel guilty for making the choice to put a furbaby to sleep - I struggle with it myself sometimes too. But it sounds like you were only thinking of his health and happiness. Congestive heart failure and cancer would have meant a long and difficult road of meds and treatments for your boy. You knew him best, and you saw how he was struggling already, and you did the only thing you could do to ensure that he didn't have to hurt anymore. Wishing you peace.

Quote 0 0
I'm so sorry.  I have been feeling a lot of guilt for having to make the decision for my Little Shadow too.  I know how it feels to question yourself if it was really the right time.  A friend of mine told me these words and I found it consoling: You knew in your heart it was the right time, or you would not have even considered it.  

Quote 0 0
Just wanted to say I am sorry for your loss of Kitty3.  We all feel guilty that maybe we could have done something different.  We loved our babies and give them the best home we could.  When they are faced with a life of suffering we let them go even though it breaks our heart.
My Shanti died October 30th,  I don't know if I will ever get over losing that cat, he was without question the best cat I have ever had.  Everyday I cry for him and miss him.  
I always say, over and over on this forum: The grief we feel is the price we pay for the love we had, and they are worth the price.
I will be thinking of you in the days ahead and praying for comfort.
Marlene Wagner
Quote 0 0