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MAlcindor
I am sorry for your loss. Having them home does bring some sense of relief but it is bittersweet. Your kitty was absolutely beautiful and she was lucky to have you.
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mistlechu
It’s Tuesday here now. At 10:30 tonight it’ll be two weeks. My heart aches so much. Your ashes have brought me comfort but I still feel tears well up. Looking at your photos and then seeing you now. Knowing you’re now ash in a box and not feeling your soft fur. I sometimes look at your box for comfort but instead ache more knowing I can’t feel you.

You appeared in a dream last night. In my dream I was laying down and you were laying against my leg. You didn’t look skinny. You looked younger and plumper and happier. I could feel your fur and hear your purring. That was the most comfortable I have felt.

A lot of things have changed. To cope with you being gone we’ve been cleaning. Redecorating. Changing the house about in means to distract ourselves. We donated your food. The shelter had a lovely senior cat who purred happily and even lifted her foot at me and pressed it against the glass. She got your food. And I heard she got adopted the very next day. I hope your food is being put to good use.

We’ve stopped doing certain things. My mom can no longer eat her nightly snacks in her favorite chair. She says it hurts too much to eat there without you begging off her or laying by her. She stands up or eats the snacks downstairs.

I know it sounds dumb but I worry at times if you hated me for that final moment. I wish I could have explained what was going on. Wish you knew I was doing this to help you. You were in so much pain that you couldn’t even stand up or walk. You were crying. You kept trying to hide. A part of me feels guilty. Like maybe if I left you alone you could have curled up and passed at home. But I know that’s foolish to think of. You were in distress and the only time you slept that day was on the way to the vet. I wish you could have passed at home. But seeing you in pain, falling over, hurt me beyond belief. I always told myself that if you were in pain I’d have to make the choice. I didn’t want you to spend days aching because I wanted to selfishly keep you.

God I miss you.

I miss you so much.
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mistlechu
Rookiesmama wrote:
Mistlecu, your kitty is so beautiful!! I am so glad you had some comfort tonight. My boy came home yesterday and I'm happy he's with me, but I'm just really struggling. I put him on his blanket, with some pictures and a favorite ball, but when I see his pictures then think of him in a box, i'm just a mess. I guess we're never ready, but my Rookie's passing was so unexpected. I too kiss his box and say goodnight... it's comforting to know there are others like me out there.


Rookiesmama, I feel the same way! Comforted by her being home yet saddened to see her in the box and unable to feel her! We put up photos by it and I look at it and her soft fur and miss the feeling of it when I touch her box. Also we got her blanket folded by the table as well. I hold it to me often just to feel close to her.

And same!! Though I knew her time was coming she went from fine in the morning to just.... worsening within hours. But it helps to come up here from time to time and see others to know I’m not alone!
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mistlechu
MAlcindor wrote:
I am sorry for your loss. Having them home does bring some sense of relief but it is bittersweet. Your kitty was absolutely beautiful and she was lucky to have you.


Thank you so much! If anything I was lucky to have her. She saved me as a teenager from harming myself and always brought me back out of depression from bullying as a teen. If it wasn’t for her I probably wouldn’t be here. She was definitely my guardian kitty and having her home does help. Even though passing by her every day causes that stricken feeling. I just hope she knew how much we all loved her and that she really was loved by many. 💕
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Rookiesmama
Amanda,
Thinking of you tonight ❤❤ It's like a horrible new way of telling time; the date they had to leave. 💔 Friday is two weeks for me. It seems like such an incredibly long time. I hope you are able to get some rest today. - Melissa
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mistlechu
It’s now three weeks. I miss you so much. I still look at your photos and videos and forget you’re gone. Your ashes have helped my grief and healing. I just wish you were still here. You truly were my forever cat. 💕 the bond we shared as we grew from child and kitten to adult and senior was amazing. I miss you. I love you.

I sat down to eat earlier and thought of this photo of you. How you’d always put your foot on my leg and purr so I would sit with you longer. Oh baby girl if only we could still do that.

But at least I have this photo of that moment.
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mistlechu
Even more cute photos from our old cuddle sessions. 💕💕
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Indiana_Andrea
mistlechu wrote:
Even more cute photos from our old cuddle sessions. 💕💕


I am so so sorry for your loss.  It's so hard when it happens suddenly... even though because of age we were halfway expecting it.  When the time comes and it's HERE... well... it still takes us by surprise.

It's been 11 hours since I said good-bye to my precious kitty Mistletoe.  He was 16 years, 3 months, 8 days old and my shadow in every way.  He wanted nothing more in life than to be by my side, looking at me.  I'm nearly 62 years old and have never experienced love and devotion like that, even with the previous dogs, cat, and guinea pigs. 

My grief is raw and I'm finding it hard to put one foot in front of the other.  I can not eat nor sleep.  Every time I think of eating I think of all the times Mistletoe would beg me for my food and I didn't give him any.  Yes, I gave him much food and shared nearly all the time but.... naturally those times I didn't simply pop into my head to torture me.

I'm dreading the 24 hour mark tonight.  11pm when he ate his last meal & I didn't know it was going to be his last meal or I would have given him extra and caressed his little head as he ate.... a little before 1am when I saw him stumble for the first time.... 1:40am when we loaded him into his cat carrier and he meowed all the way to the emergency clinic, while I spoke soothingly to him and told him Mama was near.... and the dreaded 2:30am when we said our final good-bye. 

I've fed Mistletoe everyday for over 16 years and now it's been 14+ hours since I fixed a plate for him.... equally as long since the last time I scooped his kitty box.  It just feels so foreign for me to not being doing those things.

I've been through this before in my lifetime and it hurts just like this every.... single.... time.  I know things will hurt less as time goes on but right now I'm having a hard time breathing.  I don't want Mistletoe to be gone.... I want him to be here with me now..... so I can pet him and kiss him and hear him purr and have him push the top of his little head against my lips so I can kiss him.  He loved me.  I was his whole world.  I know I did the right thing.... the brave thing.... in helping him over the Rainbow Bridge last night.... but that knowledge doesn't stop the pain and grief.

I wish he didn't have to go.

~Andrea


They never live long enough....
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