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reovi

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Reply with quote  #1 
Hi everyone,

Today has been especially hard for some reason-it's not an anniversary, birthday...April 18th was the day and yet today I miss my boy terribly and the guilt is rearing it/s ugly head.  I keep replaying it over and over AGAIN-he was alive when the vet came, the vet gave him the injection, and then he was dead.  I did that to him, and it went horribly, and I know you have all heard that story before.  But I was the reason that he was there one minute and not the next, and living with that is really tough-it is not the responsibility I ever want again, but being a pet owner I know that is how it is...part of the job.  Anyway, I send hugs and peace out to those going through the same stuff over and over, and I send out much love to my boy and all of your babies.

Polar's Mom
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MagzMom

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Reply with quote  #2 
reovi my friend.  I replay that moment over and over in my head too.  I shudder when I think and remember the moment I signed the papers.  I felt horrible, still do that i had the power of life and death over my sweet girl.  She trusted me after all.  Please try not to beat yourself up too badly, I am coming to terms with the fact that it was the best for my Maggie.  I am trying  my best to focus on her life and not those last few moments of her death.  It tears my  heart out thinking about it.  No good can come from dwelling on it.  I wish you peace reovi, I am with you in your pain.
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pam

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Reply with quote  #3 
I know where you are coming from- I lost my Mollie 7 months ago and I still have that horrible last image of her lying lifeless at the vets- sometimes I can't get it out of my head. I wish I had never been in that room at the vets, but I know that I could not have lived with myself if I was not with her to the end.  It takes a real effort to replace that image with a good one, but you must try- it will drive you to the brink otherwise.

Some days are good ones (why, I don't know) and others are terrible (I don't know why either). However, you must let the guilt go- it is so destructive.  You did the best you could for your pups with the best information/advice you had at the time. I know that it was more difficult for you, revoi, but you did the best you could at the time.  I know that if I let Mollie pass naturally, it would have been unbearable for her and (more) dreadful for me to watch. As it was, she passed peacefully away in my arms. We could all be so lucky.

Hang in there,

Pam


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BatmansMom

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Reply with quote  #4 
Oh God, I know how terrible it is! I also recall that moment, when her little ear twitched and I knew she was dead.

I am really hurting over losing my baby too and feel for her. Sometimes, I just wish I'd die too. It hurts so bad. I've had other pets and grieved, but this time around I have to a large extent come undone.

I try not to think about the death too much because it gets me so upset. Maybe for today we can remember wonderful moments with our beloved pets, as a tribute to their spirits and what they gave to us...and as a respite from the terrible sadness...

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Susie_Squillions

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Reply with quote  #5 
((((((((reovi))))))))

I've been having a really difficult time lately too.  We were so blessed to have known such love.


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My heart is battered and bruised, but I will not let it break. It holds such precious cargo, I must protect it now. (Susie Squillions)

"Memories of loved ones are like songs in our soul." Margaret Wakeley

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In one of the stars, I shall be living.
In one of them, I shall be laughing.
And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing when you look at the sky at night.
~ The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint-Exupery
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ClaireBear

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Reply with quote  #6 
Hi Reovi,
Oh my heart goes out to you, I feel guilty about Gromit and not being there at the end, I also have good days and bad days, more bad days I'd say but hey, as Susie says above, we are blessed to have known such love - I couldnt agree more with that!
My thoughts are with you xx

http://rainbowsbridge.com/Guest_Book_View.aspx?DN=GROMI002

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reovi

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Reply with quote  #7 
Thank you everyone, I appreciate your trying to help and your well wishes.  I lost it again last night thinking about his pink nose eventually turning purple and his velvety ears...

Wishing you all peace right now...
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Tuckersdad

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Reply with quote  #8 
It's only been four days for me. In my darkest moments I share your doubt and anguish of those last minutes. I am not sorry it happened that way because I owed Tucker the best possible passing. I owed her for all the love and joy she brought to our lives. I owed her the gathering of her family at home for her final experience. We have to do it because we love our family, despite the horror. It is horrible and it was one of the most painful experiences of my life. Why did I want to experience such a painful thing? Because I had a debt to pay, to give Tucker the dignity in death she deserved. It tore my heart up and I'm still in mourning and angry about it. But the horror will pass. We went through this with our previous dog, Nehkana, who died at home in 1998. We did not call his doctor in time to help him and he passed in more pain than he should have. I think that was harder on us than this time. Try to think of what you gave to Polar as the greatest gift you gave in the end.
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donnalee

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Reply with quote  #9 

Thank you Gentle George for sharing that article. It is excellent.  It certainly is true that many of us have guilt for one thing or another regarding the passing of our precious one that we loved so much.  Many seem to feel maybe they allowed euthanasia too soon.  I know I feel like I put my poor boy through too many tests and possibly waited too long, although, I wouldn't change it.  I can't seem to shake the guilt for the last procedure which paralyzed him.  I go between guilt and anger for the vet hospital that didn't tell me how severe the test was and what the outcome could be.  It seems no matter what, as the article says, they are like little children who depend on us for everything, so we are going to feel guilty no matter what.  BUT, the article gives very good advice and I intend to try to follow some of that advice!  Thank you so much for sharing! 

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DebbieD

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Reply with quote  #10 

I'm sorry to hear you are having a tough time. We lost our Misty Sunday night so only 2 days. I was waiting because she had a sudden onset of symptoms the vets couldn't figure out and was putting it off because I didn't want to give up until I knew what the problem was and if it could be fixed. She ended up passing on her own without a diagnosis yet, without me there, so of course now I'm dealing with the fact that I should've made a decision for her. You were brave by being with your boy and not letting him go without you by his side and I know he loves you for that. We know when we bring these wonderful creatures into our families that this time will probably come - but not having the love in the first place would be the bigger loss.

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