Today I had to let him go. The vet informed me while we were waiting for his sedative to kick in that I was doing the right thing for him, indeed. His external tumors were developing gangrene from being constantly open and since it all happened so fast and the tumors broke open the way they did, there was nothing I could've done. The ride there was the longest ride of my life, but it was over in a few seconds and although it killed me, I'm glad I was able to hold him in his final minutes. He collapsed against me during when the sedative took affect and he laid his head on my arm, and I knew I had to stay put. I held him the whole time and I managed to tell him goodbye. Cancer is vile and it took my baby away from me, but I'm glad I was able to put him out of his misery and stop any future pain he may have had. I knew it was his time. He knew.

He put his paw on my chest over my heart on the drive there and I looked in his eyes and I knew it was the best way to do it, rather than have him keep deteriorating. My baby has always been on the thick side and he lost a pound since last Tuesday. I knew he was sick and I knew then I had to do it. But it's killing me. He was a very special dog. He was my cuddle buddy. He was always vocal and he made sure to tell the vet just what he though of him today and it made us laugh. He always made us laugh. I'm going to miss him so much. 

Thank you for everyone's kind words when I posted here last week. I love him so much and I wish I could share with everyone in the world how wonderful and sweet he was. He went very quickly, immediately even and I know now he was ready to go. Now I'm down to three, but I'm always going to say three and one waiting for me in heaven with his Nana (my mom) and his older brother (my old pomeranian Shadow). 

His older brother knew immediately when I came home. The howling was heartbreaking. But he's calmed down now. My two girl cats have been looking for him on and off, but they seem to be okay. I need to watch them, but so far they're acting normal now. 

RIP Matty my sweet angel. 
matty, luna, kiki, benji. 
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My deepest condolences to you, iam so sorry its the hardest decision ever and that last moment takes your breath away .
For me it went slow but was a blur like you im glad I was with my baby those last moments and he knew I was right beside him like always .
It's comforting to know they are at rest with no more suffering , our final act of true love really .
Sending you strength and positive thoughts in these dark days ahead .
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Hello forevermused, You absolutely did the right thing for Matty and it was very sweet how you described him putting his paw over your heart! He knew and was letting you know he loved you and it was okay. It was what he needed for you to do for him. It was so sad how his older brother howled when you got back home. He will need more of your attention now as you both grieve this sad loss. Cancer is a horrible disease. I'm so sorry for your loss. Hugs to you,
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