Today I had to let him go. The vet informed me while we were waiting for his sedative to kick in that I was doing the right thing for him, indeed. His external tumors were developing gangrene from being constantly open and since it all happened so fast and the tumors broke open the way they did, there was nothing I could've done. The ride there was the longest ride of my life, but it was over in a few seconds and although it killed me, I'm glad I was able to hold him in his final minutes. He collapsed against me during when the sedative took affect and he laid his head on my arm, and I knew I had to stay put. I held him the whole time and I managed to tell him goodbye. Cancer is vile and it took my baby away from me, but I'm glad I was able to put him out of his misery and stop any future pain he may have had. I knew it was his time. He knew.
He put his paw on my chest over my heart on the drive there and I looked in his eyes and I knew it was the best way to do it, rather than have him keep deteriorating. My baby has always been on the thick side and he lost a pound since last Tuesday. I knew he was sick and I knew then I had to do it. But it's killing me. He was a very special dog. He was my cuddle buddy. He was always vocal and he made sure to tell the vet just what he though of him today and it made us laugh. He always made us laugh. I'm going to miss him so much.
Thank you for everyone's kind words when I posted here last week. I love him so much and I wish I could share with everyone in the world how wonderful and sweet he was. He went very quickly, immediately even and I know now he was ready to go. Now I'm down to three, but I'm always going to say three and one waiting for me in heaven with his Nana (my mom) and his older brother (my old pomeranian Shadow).
His older brother knew immediately when I came home. The howling was heartbreaking. But he's calmed down now. My two girl cats have been looking for him on and off, but they seem to be okay. I need to watch them, but so far they're acting normal now.
RIP Matty my sweet angel.
matty, luna, kiki, benji.