Nikki_Charlie
Yesterday, I had to make the excruciating decision to put my beloved kitty, Charlie, to sleep. He was with me for 12 years. And has had cancer for the past year, being treated by steroids. I am guilt riddled as he was still mentally stable and interested in food and birds and going outside. His body gave out on him and he could no longer walk. I am beside myself with guilt and grief. He was always there for me, greeting me when I came home, snuggling up to me every chance he could. I am lost. I wish I would have held him longer after he passed. I wish I could believe I did the right thing by him even though it feels like I didn’t.
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pannklaus
I am very sorry about the loss of your beloved Charlie and the guilt you feel about having him put to sleep.  I think you made the right decision.  When a cat no longer has mobility that affects their quality of life.  Also animals are good at hiding their pain so he may have been suffering without you knowing it.  You are now going through the grief that everyone here experiences when they loss their beloved fur babies.  Your feelings of being lost and doubting your decision are a part of normal grief.  No one in this forum can make the pain go away.  But everyone here understands your feelings and what you are going through.  We are available to grieve with you.  Feel free to write about what you are experiencing, more about Charlie or whatever you wish to write about.  Again, my condolences on your loss.
Patsy
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Suddenloss
What is so heartbreaking is the fact that they are oblivious to their illness. Their innocence makes it harder because it is there nature to survive and be curious. Cats are particularly hedonistic and that's why we find them so endearing. We want to protect them against everything bad and harmful in this world but we don't get to play god. We humans are powerless. The other powerlessness is the way the world works. Vets asking so much money for treatment and the guilt of the financial decision to end life. I think it's an industry that draws cash from pain.

I am so sorry for your loss. I am in the same boat. My beloved passed yesterday. I am shellshocked. He was a dear family member and friend.
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Nikki_Charlie
Thank you both for your support. It is a comfort to know that my feelings are not mine alone. It doesn’t make it easier, but a comfort nonetheless. I have had Charlie since the day he was born. We had his mother as a family pet growing up. Charlie and I had an almost instant connection and I believe our souls are attached. He traveled the US with me and was my comfort pal. Always there for me.

I do think that it is their innocence that makes it hard. He never did anything to hurt anyone or upset me. He had been gradually failing, losing a lot of weight. I came home from work two days ago and he could no longer walk without me supporting him. He couldn’t get in or out of his little box, which was incredibly heartbreaking.

I, very fortunately, did not have the burdensome feeling of outrageous vet costs. I really couldn’t have wished for a better, more devoted vet to care for my little man over the past few years. We did what we could for him and in the end, he had just lost too much muscle mass to effectively do his kitty tasks. I am so very sorry that your experience was the opposite. I am sure that that makes the entire process much more confusing and difficult.

I keep being told that time heals, and I know that it does, but I have never had to make a decision to end a life before this and I am not sure I will ever conquer the guilt I feel. It is constant and the gut wrenching sorrow comes in overpowering waves.
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Memories_of_Marmalade

I am sorry for your loss Nikki. What a unique beauty your boy was. Thank you for sharing his and your story and that image of him.

I too lost my boy 4 weeks ago today. I felt I had to put him down in the end. He was not diagnosed with terminal illness, but had been chronically ill for the 4.2 years that I had with him and was becoming a shadow of his former self. He could not eat or drink. Vets thought he was around 13 years old or older.

It's important to always remember and focus on these two key sentences that you posted.

"Has had cancer for the past year" "His body gave out on him and he could no longer walk."

You made the right decision as if he was not able to walk, that is a tell-tale sign that he was suffering and in pain and it was time. I know you know that. And I understand it doesn't make things easier. But as they say "You took on his suffering, so that he could end his suffering.

God bless you during this difficult time. Just travel through time and continue to heal. Most of all be gentle with yourself.
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Suddenloss
Thank you Nikki for your kind words. Its been a week now and we are still sad. Just cant believe it.

Im sorry about your cat during the final days of his kitty life. No words can explain how distressing this time can be. 

I am trying to remember the good days we had with our pet. How he had a teddy bear as a kitten and used to carry it around with him and attack it routinely. How he loved to cuddle and was so clingy. He was a very temper-mental cat also. I hear the earth rise in the mornings and think he is now buried under the feijoa tree, maybe next year it will finally fruit. :-(:-(
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