niecey
My beautiful cat was put to sleep this morning and I am grief stricken and full of guilt :-(.

My cat was nearly 16 years old and a few months ago I noticed a lump on her shoulder, we took her to the vet and she said that they would need to do a biopsy to be sure what it was and it felt like it was attached to her bone so an xray would be required and her leg might need to be amputated.  The lump had come out of no-where and the vet said that that wasn't a good sign.

Due to her age we decided not to put her through biopsy's and the like and decided to leave things as long a she didn't appear to be in pain.

The lump grew steadily and her weight dropped (she lost going on for half her body weight) and started limping and then about a week ago started clawing at the lump until it was bald and bleeding constantly.

We took her back to the vet who commented that tumours in cats are malignant most of the time and the chances are that it's spread so we took the decision to put her to sleep, but I feel so guilty about killing her.

It only happened this morning, but my children keep asking me when I'm going to stop feeling sad.  I just keep thinking about her buried in our garden and feeling cold when I could have brought her home and she could have been in her usual spot on my lap.
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AnnieBirdseed
Dear Neicy.  I am very sorry you lost your precious kitty to Cancer.  I think you made the correct decision to not put your elderly cat through a bunch of poking and prodding and possibly painful tests.  The truth is, I suggest it usually doesn't help anyway.  Although dogs do sometimes have the ability to fight Cancer, cats rarely last more than a year after diagnosis and most of them don't make it that long.  Yes, there are exceptions but very few.  Consequently, I think you did the wisest thing and enjoyed the time you had left together. And when she got too uncomfortable, you set her free.  It was not easy but you chose what you felt was best for her.  God bless you for your unselfish act.   I am also sorry that your children don't appear to understand that you're grieving or why.  If they're very young, well, they just aren't mature enough to grasp this.  If they're a bit older?  You need to explain to them that you loved the cat and it hurts you to lose her, just like it would hurt you to lose them.  Meanwhile, you don't have to get over it right now.  It is normal to grieve and mourn the loss of those we love, be they people or animals.  It can last quite a while, even months.  No, you don't want to let yourself get sick over it, but you have a RIGHT to grieve as long as you feel the need.  Meanwhile, I will pray for you and that your kitty comes to visit you in gentle dreams.  I just lost my beloved cat on March 27th and I too miss him terribly.  I expect I will for a while longer.  I'm nearly seventy and have lost quite a few animal friends through the years.  It's not something you can ever get used to though.  That's becauase the path through the grief is different every time.  But please, don't feel guilty.  You chose what you felt your cat would want.  I think you knew her better than anybody else and I'd bet on you, that you made the right decisions and with her welfare in mind.   She knows you loved and still do love her.  I'm sure of it.  Again, God bless you and bring you comfort in your grief. 
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Baileys_mum_01
To all of you, I am sorry for the loss of your beloved babies.  Saying goodbye is the hardest thing we have to do.  Making the decision to end their suffering is probably the kindest because we do it out of love and don't want to see them suffering anymore.  I feel guilty every day and wonder if I did the right thing.  I think that is normal. But I know my Bailey is at peace now. 
Lisa I enjoyed watching your video, it is a lovely tribute to Spike.  I loved how he kept looking back at you, to check you were still there, Bailey always did that.
I love and miss him so much, every moment of every day and at night too.  I feel him with me and that gives me some peace but my heart aches because I can't see him or reach out and touch his soft fur.  I want him back but he is gone.
My thoughts are with you all.
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niecey
Thanks everyone for your kind words and I'm so sorry for your losses also.

AnnieBirdseed, my children are young 5 & 7 and to be fair, we had the cat long before we had them and she has always been terrified of the children and wouldn't let them anywhere near her, so it's no wonder really that they don't feel the way I do (as she jumped on me every time I sat down!), but my youngest has been giving me cuddles and saying "poor Mummy", but the eldest thinks it's great that I'm sad as I haven't told her off as much if she's been naughty, and she's really trying to push my buttons.  I just still can't quite get my head around the fact that yesterday morning she was lying peacefully on the bed (which is what she had taken to doing most of the time) and now she's not here.

I will feel better soon I'm sure, it's hard when you work at home and used to them being there and they are buried in your garden.

Thanks again all.


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harmonica
Neicey,

I took down my post and thanks Baileys mum for your sweet response. I know what you are going through too, it sounds exactly how I feel.  I can feel him but I cant touch him, its agonizing.  But Neicy I took down my post because I felt I was explaining about my own situation, rather than consoling you about your kitty. I thought by sharing my story you could see how much guilt I had to let go of and that it would help you. But it turned into a page about my own dog, so I will start a thread somewhere else.  I am so sorry for your loss, there will be many who can empathize with you.  God Bless
Lisa
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niecey
That's OK Lisa!  I understood what you were saying and thank you.
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